Ukrainiana

Star-Starved Regionalists Threaten Hunger Strike

The entire mankind can’t hold back the tears as it stands witness to the courage and resolve of a few principled men who refuse to surrender their humble passion for power.

At war with the results of the election they failed to barnstorm and unsatisfied with the proposed consolation package, Regionalists are only a few steps away from the decision of their lifetime: biological warfare. These lovelorn legislators have now come to the horrifying threshold — and this time the laws of biology would be directed against their very selves. That life cannot do without nourishment remains a fundamental law of biology and aptly sums up the war effort be undertaken.

Dedicated to the benefit of all Ukrainians, so the Rada Regionalists argue, operation Starving Stardom, as it may be called, promises to break new ground in the study of political food chains. The object of the longitudinal study about to commence is to determine how slim Ukraine’s fattest cats can be.

Undoubtedly, the impending anorexic attack will revitalize Ukraine’s waning academia, supplying students of political science and dieticians with fresh food for thought.

It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Few believed that the Regionalists, whose appetite for power swelled day-by-day to as many as 14 committees, would end up in the confines of self-imposed hunger.

SOS to Putin. Operation Starving Stardom on standby. Request immediate media backup and full-coverage humanitarian airlift.