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Monday, May 30, 2011

$50K Outhouses? Donetsk Orders 10!

No shit.

For that much tax money, you can pack your shitter with all kinds of platinum, Swarovski, wash’n’dry-your-ass stuff. can buy a brand new SUV.

Dear IMF,

Please don’t stop. Keep the dinero coming. Help our government pay an extra $150M for every oil rig it buys. Help them hire US law firms to investigate things.

We can always pay you back.
We have shitloads of national wealth to spread around. Nukes? Grain? Cash? Maids? Name it and claim it.

P.S. Can you lend him a netbook or something? Too much to ask?

Help your man get rid of the digital divide!


Monday, May 23, 2011

Fenced Crowds, Sand Storm as Yanukovych Visits Uzhhorod

Ukraine for the people? Tell it to the fenced up people.

Yanukovych: If...he doesn’t speed up…uh…the speed…I’ll be forcing him to...even physically...
Fenced folks [laughing]: No, no, no!

Yanukovych: that he’ll be running faster.
Folks: He’s good!

Yanukovych: Huh? We come from different weight classes, so I understand this.

So he knows how to kick ass. And sand too.

Now that beats Kseniya Simonova's sand animation, doesn't it?

Back in Kyiv they're into erotic asphyxiation.


Monday, May 16, 2011

Police Thwart Protests, Scrap Russian Orthodox Tent Church

OMG! What a way to treat state religion!

On May 14 (Day of Anger), scores of anti-government protesters tried to camp outside parliament — only to be detained by police and later released.

Business as usual, huh? Not exactly.

It turns out police also dismantled that Russian Orthodox tent church that had been there since 2005. Yeah, since the Orange Revolution, for Christ’s sake! Now that should grab Patriarch Kirill’s attention!

Or maybe he had secretly blessed the whole operation? To kind of separate Yanukovych from his favorite church? At least for anyone willing to buy it. I mean Dura lex, sed lex v. Cuius regio, eius religio.

Who knows, maybe this little trick will help Patriarch Kirill save on travel and pack bigger crowds in Ukraine. Without resorting to Photoshop.





Monday, May 09, 2011

Smug Pro-Yanukovych MPs Scolded by Struggling Seniors

40 years of work leaves you with $100/month, not enough to pay for utilities.

The rest goes to first-class citizens who worship all things Soviet.

Woman 3:
I, Valentyna Volodymirivna, want to particularly address Lukyanov and Chechetov: What do I have to do — how should I get down on my knees before you — so I’LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN HERE? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, HUH? YOU SHAMELESS ONES! I’ve worked for 40 years, I’m disabled due to cancer, and my father died during the first days there, in the war. He wants to see your flag? He doesn’t want to see this humiliation that you cause us! And you think he has interest in your flag! You can put it wherever you want, put it on, go out, have fun, get drunk in your palaces! But don’t touch us. And you [opposition] keep fighting. As sick as we are, we’ll help you. Trust us. And our grandchildren stand ready to help you. So that we’ll never have to see and hear these “wand wavers” [imitates Chechetov] illiterate “wand wavers” because all they have is their big mouths, down to their knees! I’m sorry, I’m sorry.


Signing the Soviet flag into law

Shut up, you crazy old Untermenschen!

Go dig a grave and wait for the go-ahead from the AMF!

Arbeit Macht Frei!


Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Tymoshenko as 'The Running Woman'

Tymoshenko's image facelift campaign as it unfolds, powered by social media.

In this 9.8 km jogging video: Tymoshenko, her bodyguard, her dog plus frogs, as spotted by someone who poses as a breathless curiosity-driven cyclist.

In the year 2011, an *innocent woman* accused of a crime has a choice — hard time or prime time.

She must pay or play...“The Running Woman
” — the highest rated television show in history.

Happy Press Freedom Day!

Monday, May 02, 2011

Soviet Show on Maidan

krainian colors, Soviet choreogra☭hy.

Not that I'm new to ligarch Entertainmen, but this one caught me by surprise as I was walking downtown last Saturday.

And you know what they call it? “Майданc” (“Maidan’s”) It’s a carnival-like dance contest that brings together the cities of Ukraine. Last Saturday’s contestants: Odesa, Kirovohrad and Kharkiv.

Looking at all that Soviet memorabilia in motion, I had a couple of flashbacks.

April 1989. I’m one of the top three students to be promoted to the rank of pioneer (Soviet boy scout). In second grade, a whole grade ahead of the curve. We’re rock stars!

The “rite of passage” took place in the Lenin Museum, just a few blocks from here. In just a few years the USSR would be history.

And what about these kids? How old are they? What the hell are they doing?

If you're an oligarch and you want this for your kids, check out these tutorials.