Ukrainiana

Oops, She Did It Again: Tymo Pampers Yanuk in Exchange for Opposition Bill

If Joan of Arc is what they call her, then Joan’s at it again. Or, pardon my French, Jeanne d’Arc et les garçons are in on it again. Except that she may well have turned herself from martyr to villain without even noticing it.

It seems that for Tymo the art of “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” works just fine regardless of the cast of characters. Lately, she’s been offering herself as a reliable partner in the Anticrisis Coalition’s routine of overriding presidential vetoes.

Having traded her support of the Cabinet Bill in exchange for the PRU’s support of the Opposition Bill, she pulled yet another controversial coup.

Both bills set the ground rules in this country. And here’s what this quid pro quo boils down to: While the Cabinet Bill lavishes tsar-like regalia on Yanukovych, the Opposition Bill awards Tymo with a monopoly claim to the opposition title. In addition to that, Tymo brokered the so-called imperative mandate, a bill that allows parties represented in local radas to expel legislators guilty of professional misconduct and party-hopping, the bane of BYuT's existence.

Life is such a mystery. Consumed with grand ambitions that vacillate between the presidency and premiership — whichever will carry more weight — the primadonna finds herself in bed with a stranger.

Fortunately, her involvement with the PRU in last year’s vote of no confidence to the Yekhanurov Cabinet did not cost her a vote in the spring 2006 campaign. On the contrary, boisterous BYuTies came to the finish line with a solid lead over lethargic NSNUzers, as scores of late-deciders suddenly switched to BYuT.

Obviously, this recent misstep hardly brings us any closer to bridging the BYuT-NSNU divide.

What a sad sight to see: Those who sang “Together We Are Many” taking turns in rebranding the Verkhovna Rada to Verkhovna Zrada, as the longstanding observation has it. (Zrada is Ukrainian for treason.)

After the confetti fell, BYuT issued an apologetic statement, couching its act in metaphoric terms that ranged from the realm of biology to that of astronomy, albeit with less than scientific accuracy.

The rhetoric mimicked the missionary mask that Moroz had painstakingly tried to put on his summer con trick. It almost described BYuT’s role as that of a peace dove whose sole purpose it was to lessen the tension between Yushchenko and Yanukovych. (How else would she explain her repeatedly bizarre behavior?) Below are some excerpts from Pravda.com.ua:

"Ще трохи, і секретаріат президента разом із Кабміном були б змушені кожен конверт їхньої переписки відправляти на хімічну експертизу, боячись вірусу сибірської язви".

“[Б]ЮТ зобов'язана взяти на себе відповідальність за вирішення глибокої кризи у системі влади, розуміючи, що протистояння секретаріату президента і уряду може тривати до наступного прильоту комети Галілея (так в оригіналі)".

“Any more of this, and the Secretariat of the President and the Cabinet would have to send every piece of their correspondence for lab evaluation, in fear of contracting anthrax.”

“[B]YuT has to take responsibility for resolving the deep crisis in the system of government, realizing that the confrontation between the Secretariat of the President and the Cabinet can continue well until the next coming of Comet Galileo [sic].”

BYuT public affairs people must have been in a bit of a hurry. Note that the metaphoric punch line in the last quote offers a textbook case of commonly confused names, Galileo Galilei and Comet Halley.

Creative thinker that Tymo is, she might as well have tried to convince her voters that Hitler and Stalin intended the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact as the Preamble to the UN Charter.