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Friday, January 30, 2009

Kosmos Recalls Trip to Zoo, Likens Virgin Mary to Babushkas

This funny guy likes funny stories. And he rarely fails to interpolate his babushkas into them.

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: I was in my car on my way to work and then I recalled that I’m feeding an elephant, at a rate of 100,000 hryvnias…100,000 hryvnias...uh…per quarter or per month, I don’t remember. Anyway, he eats a lot, he’s lonely, he needs a wife, by the way. He hasn’t had a wife in 30 years, for that I fired….he’s very cute, a hunk…anyway, for that I fired…he’s such a cute elephant indeed…for that I fired…uh…that crook, the former head of the Zoo. Yeah, by the way, I started my work — cool, we have time, show it…on television channels — in my first day of work as mayor, I come to my office and I get this call: The lions ate…uh…a visitor, a male. Well, that’s a sad story. I prayed and then I drove to the Zoo in my Mercedes. I took [Deputy Mayor] Irena [Kilchytska], the darling of babushkas, with me. We arrive, I’m met by a completely drunk Zoo director, some 200 kilograms, his belly…pushing out so that he can’t see me. But there he stands like this [salutes audience] and says, “Hello, comrade Mayor!” And then he falls. [audience laughs] And then he leads me to the lions’ preserve. I come to this…uh…cage and I see this picture: The lions are lying content and finishing the visitor. [audience laughs] Oh my! That's your horror story of sorts. Ok, I…it’s not funny, of course, but what can you do? This is life. The lions are now being fed courtesy of my deputies.

And caaaaan you feeeeel the looooove toniiiiight...

Thou shalt not miss this one!

Chernovetsky: Mainly, they depict Jesus Christ, our Lord, that is, and…mother…his mother, Mary. What does she look like? I guarantee you that she looks like a Kyiv, like a Ukrainian, babushka. As for the Jesus Christ here, with a 100% probability, it’s a Kyiv dedushka. [audience explodes with laughter] Yes, I’m a cosmonaut, an absolutely real one. Everything I invented — it will all be implemented. You already see many changes, you will…the most important thing is psychological change.

The DSM-V would be incomplete without his case.

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Russian President said...

A funny collage about Chernovecky (in Russian):

Taras said...

Lol! I've seen this one (and the original Afonya film, too:)

Here’s a whole series of hilarious Chernovetsky spoofs, Aliens from Space, or a Big Walk Through Kyiv, based on Louis de Funès films.

Qatar Cat said...

He never fails to make me laugh.

Taras said...

Anytime, Cat!:)