Community Circus Day

As the ambassadors of Lithuania and Britain invented cleanup diplomacy, Yanukovych and Azarov invented the guilt-tripped subbotnik.

Yanukovych: Let me be honest: I invented it — this day. That’s right. When I convened the governors for the first time, I asked, I said: “I’ve been to many towns during many campaigns. The amount of dirt I saw there — I’d never seen so much before. When do we get to clean up all this dirt? When do we get to put some order? When do we start to plant some trees?

Azarov: Where there’s garbage, we’ll tell Lenoid Mykhailovych [Kyiv Mayor’s name, patronymic] right way: Lenoid Mykhailovych, get out of the bus, get a shovel and clean that garbage with those who are supposed to do it. Our capital, our country’s capital doesn’t have to be full of garbage.

So let’s plant a few trees here, drop a few publicity bombs there and call it a day?

How about regular cleanups?

How about awareness?

How about a policy of sticks and carrots (smart subsidies, fines, eco-friendly packaging, reusable bags, etc)?

How about a recycling industry?

How about a culture of environmental stewardship as opposed to a culture of grabitization?

Video embedded from:
http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MzYwNzYmdnQ9MA

Staby (A Quality of Government Report)

Hi guys! I want you to meet my little friend.

It’s a dead dog. Dead since last Friday (Apr. 9). I call her Staby (as in stabilnist). She can be found here.

Naturally, the municipal hotline didn’t help. The CDC didn’t even answer calls.

Hour after hour, day after day, the beach gets visits from unsuspecting kids and carefree adults. That’s where they run into Staby.





I’ve been picking up plastic bags and bottles on Kyiv beaches for about a year. I’ve even buried a few birds. (We don’t have a reliable service to take care of dead animals or roadkill. Most of the time, they just rot away on the streets or become car-pressed steaks on the highway.)

I gave up on Staby. She’s too heavy and too much of a health hazard. You can smell her from a distance of 50 meters if the wind blows your way.

Ironically, the bay goes by the name of Sobache Hyrlo (Dog's Throat). Here's what it looks like in the summer.


Back to Staby, I last saw her on Thursday evening, half-submerged. With the water rising, she may sail away tomorrow. Too bad she won’t reach Koncha-Zaspa.



Mr. Yanukovych, I know you hear everyone. Why don’t you pick up Staby and take her to the White House, along with the enriched uranium?

Or maybe we should keep her as a tourist attraction for Euro 2012?

Mr. Yanukovych, my offer remains open for you until further notice.

As of April 20, Staby appears to be gone. Gone in 950,400 seconds.

Voter ‘Bribery,’ Tymoshenko-Style

If Chernovetsky can do it, why can’t she?



Here you go: 1 kilo of rice+1 kilo of vermicelli+1 bottle of sunflower oil+1 can of condensed milk. Drink responsibly! Courtesy of MP Oleksandr Dubovy (BYuT).

When interviewed, they say it’s from Tymoshenko. They say it’s bribery. They say it’s basically their own money. And they take it.

In Greece, they would have torched the whole place. In Ukraine, they complain and let the slave mentality take over.

In rural Ukraine, they take those hard-to-get certificates of land ownership — a pork barrel cause championed by Tymoshenko and frowned upon by the OSCE.

How many of those who take Tymoshenko handouts will vote for her? I don’t know.

All I know is Chernovetsky scored 32% of the vote — twice — with his handout campaign in Kyiv.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/144114.html
Original source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOAGDzEzj6w

Kosmos: No Utility Hike for Believers

After a monthlong vacation in Israel, where he resided at Herods Palace Hotel ($590 per night) and enjoyed the company of two masseuses ($1,000 per time), he’s back to his beloved babushkas. Back with more buckshit.

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: I promise that at least 500-800 thousand Kyivites will be paying not a single kopiyka more than they did. It is my decision in principle. We will immediately establish...subsidies for people who believe that there is a God and justice, and that the mayor of Kyiv will always be on their side.

Who says faith healing doesn’t work when it comes to Kyiv utility hikes?

Video uploaded from: http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MjYyNTcmdnQ9MA
Original source: http://kievtv.com.ua

Picture of Kyiv Mayor Gets Framed in Article on Polygraph Tests for Pedophiles

Anyone notice any similarities?

The picture featuring Kyiv mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky dates back to the 2006 mayoral campaign. As a mayoral candidate, Chernovetsky aggressively advocated polygraph testing for municipal officials but dropped the idea once facing corruption allegations as mayor.

Anyway, thank you for this funny perspective, Daily Mirror! You made me wanna play this song:




UPDATE
The Daily Mirror has pulled the article.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/scandal/49f035aca21f0/
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/04/06/paedophiles-to-face-lie-detector-tests-to-prevent-further-attacks-115875-21257204/
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7942338.stm

Kyiv Mayor to Undergo Psychiatric Exam

Kyiv mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky will undergo a psychiatric evaluation, a temporary commission of the Verkhovna Rada has ruled, in a move long overdue.

The statement was issued by the press office of MP Volodymyr Yavorivsky (BYuT), Ukrayinska Pravda reports.

Meanwhile, UP also reports of attempts at “burying the hatchet” between BYuT and Chernovetsky's team, following Yushchenko’s recent criticism of Chernovetsky's stewardship of Kyiv.

Besides, BYuT has resorted to forum shopping to derail the March 15 local elections in Ternopil oblast, for fear of losing electoral ground to Svoboda.

Amid growing disenchantment with oligarch-packed BYuT and NUNS, many Orange-leaning voters are turning to smaller and more radical parties.

Sources:
http://kiev.pravda.com.ua/news/49ba0e94862cc/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/3/12/91217.htm

Kosmos Greets Women

On March 8, Ukraine celebrated International Women's Day, the rough equivalent of Mother's Day.

On such days, Western women often talk about rights. By contrast, post-Soviet men always talk about romance.

After calling in sick for weeks and getting his extraterrestrial initiatives killed by President Yushchenko, Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky delivered a short address.

Alas, he spoke Ukrainian, albeit with a comic Russian accent.

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: My dear beloved women, no matter how old you are, you’re always wonderful! It is with you that spring comes into the souls of all men on earth. You’re always the symbol of new life. You give us kids, and we, men, give you beautiful flowers. Allow me today, on the 8th of March, to express my words of tender love. And I want my kiss to reach every one of you. Happiness, love, joy and peace to you, my dear women of Kyivites!

He keeps singing.






P.S. I think I found a rare video of his cat.



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/115749.html
Original source: http://5.ua

More Polit Funnies

Durdom (madhouse) does them all.


Dream a dream


Yulenka: Lethal Lessons
Tagline: She doesn't play with dolls. She plays with people.
Based on a promotional poster for the Russian Stephen King-like horror movie Yulenka


The Yushchenko-Chernovetsky team


Thou shalt have none other gods before me


The New Wave


Yanukovych to run the BYuT campaign office in Donbas


Inspired by Tymoshenko, former president Kravchuk pleads with Yushchenko to step down.


The official exchange rate is Yushchenko's crisis-killer sedative


Dovhy, Chernovetsky, Kilchytska
Checking these three into a mental institution would have been better than firing those four hospital administrators for failure to attend the buckwit rally.


The Handout Hippie


"Dear Ukrainians, we're done with democracy. I hereby declare a state of emergency. You can hide but you can't run."


Firtash's Alfa


The Het-man
In Ukrainian, геть (het) means out.


The Unknown Official


Desperate Housewives
Karpachova, Bohoslovska, Tymoshenko, Herman, Semenyuk-Samsonenko, Bohatyryova


A parody on Larry King's interview with President Yushchenko
Larry King: What happened to the ideals of Maidan?
President Yuschenko: They drowned.


Rada fires Ohryzko, matryoshka hatches


A cobra-shaped Bohoslovska on the Eighth of March (International Women's Day)


Kravchuk & Kuchma
The Return of the Musketeers: We Have What We Have (Kravchuk's maxim)



The Clash of Media Biases: Pro-Yushchenko (Inter) v. Pro-Tymoshenko (Kanal Ukrayina)


Che Yushchenko
2011, somewhere in the Carpathians


BYuT gasmen beating the gas out of Firtash


Because of a tight tour schedule, Chernovetsky couldn't attend Yushchenko's meeting with Kyiv municipal authorities.


Welcome to our new office!
RosUkrEnergo occupies the Naftogaz head office


Ukraine's coat of arms


"Put her hands here and her legs there, and she'll be quick to confess where she hid the Gazprom contract."


She who pays Pootie calls the tune


And we should clean the mess


Yulia the Riveter: "Here's your gas, Mr. President!"


The Expulsion from Paradise

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua

Police 'Mistake' Costs Man His Palm

February 22, 2009, approximately 1:00 a.m.
Myrne, Crimea, Ukraine

A SWAT team surrounds what they believe to be the hiding place of a man who used a gun to abduct a 23-year-old woman.

To storm the building, they use an NFDD (noise flash diversionary device).

Dweller Mustafa Khairov, 59, a Crimean Tatar, catches the damn thing and...BOOM!!!...his palm is all over the place.



His son, Eivaz, 25, sustained multiple injuries. He heard the dog barking, went outside to check for burglars, and got overrun by police.

In this Channel 1+1 footage, Mustafa’s wife, Uriye, talks about her husband’s flesh slowly descending on the room — like confetti.

"There's been a mistake," police said.

That’s the way police works in Ukraine, and particularly in Crimea. In fact, Crimean law enforcement appears to be bent on inciting a civil war.

Well, sometimes they do catch the bad guys — if only to let them go.

Recently, they caught two men poaching in the Zone of Alienation, with a moose in their trunk. Guess where the poachers work? They work at the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, currently occupied by ombudswoman Nina Karpachova of the Party of Regions.

I wonder if Lutsenko will use such devices to disperse rallies against, say, Chernovetsky’s out-f**cking-rageous satellite dish, air conditioner and bachelor taxes. If so, it will be a palm for a palm and a ball for a ball.

P.S. According to recent polls, 36.5% of Ukrainians will take to the streets if left without incomes. 70% don't trust the government. 18% hate the government.

Some governments have to learn the hard way?

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/114444.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

More Polit Funnies

Durdom.in.ua and Eggs.net.ua keep them coming!


Acting on Tymoshenko's glowing economic reports, Western ambassadors have applied for Ukrainian citizenship.


"Yushchenko, don't blabber!"
A parody on the Soviet WWII poster "Ne boltai!" ("Don't blabber!")
U.S. equivalent: "Loose lips might sink ships."


BYuT lovestruck with the Party of Regions


Different wavelengths


The Pied Piper of Hamelin 2009


A hundred-hryvnia thank-you-for-a-job-well-done bill

"All she needs is a little credit."
A funny take on Confessions of a Shopaholic


Dear countrymen, I've issued a decree:
White shall be black Bitter shall be sweet Hogwash shall be wisdom


Lyovochkin & Boiko, the RosUkrEnergo lobby in the Party of Regions, get the finger from Firtash


Le ProFFessionnel





Making fun of Inna Bohoslovska


Chernovetsky escorted by babushkas and dedushkas
"You don't have a chance!"


His new album


Lord of the Land The Return of the King
Pictured (clockwise): Chernovetsky, Yushchenko, Dovhy, Chernovetsky's son Stepan, Kilchytska, Baloha A spoof dedicated to Chernovetsky's reelection in May 2008


A spoof based on Chernovetky's ice-swimming and the 1980 Moscow Olympics closing ceremony


The Holy Trinity: Adelaja, Chernovetsky, Fletcher






The Day the Earth Stood Still



Dovhy as Chernovetsky's successor


The Kosmosmobile


The bucks-for-ballots babushka monetizer machine



The new album: "You're Still Alive My Granny..."


A Hr. 1.70 bill
A pointed jab at the metro rate rollback, from Hr. 2 to Hr. 1.70 (after a fourfold rate hike from Hr. 0.50 to Hr. 2)


"Granny, surrender your apartment and go for the caviar!"


Taxing newborns


A buckwheat-giving Serduchka-looking marijuanized mayor

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua
http://eggs.net.ua