Party of Regions Ad Features Lviv Mayor Against His Will

Feeling uncomfortable in that upbeat Yanukovych commercial?

Then “We’re Building the New Country” without you. You can count on it!

Deputy Chief of Staff Herman: He said he saw himself in the “Building the New Country” ad and he didn’t agree with it. I told him this: Mr. Andrew, I think the authors of this commercial couldn’t even imagine that the New Ukraine could be built without you. But if you believe that it should be built without you, then I promise you it will definitely be the case. The New Ukraine will be built without you.

Looks like you guys are building the Old Country. The USSR.

Wait, not exactly. The U$$R!

Video embedded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/170943.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

Reggie Degrades Commies as ‘Wife’

Who says there are no women in this cabinet? Here comes the “wife,” (aka Communists).

MP Mykhailo Chechetov (PRU): If there’s one television: The husband wants to watch soccer...and the wife, ballet. If...uh...the wife...fulfills the husband’s request and makes it possible to watch soccer — she goes to the kitchen, drinks some coffee, goes to a girlfriend, goes out and so on — then this family will live forever, so to speak, and in one day...in...in a hundred years, in one day…they’ll die together. But if the wife should say, “And I want to...watch ballet on television!” and the husband says, “And I want soccer!” then this family’s day are numbered. That’s why in this situatioooooon we sometimes let the Communists...watch our soccer. [lowers voice for smug effect]

Let me translate. “You want a husband, open your legs. You want a divorce, open your mouth.” That's the house rule for the junior partners in the Coalition of Carcasses.

Actually, there’s one exception. Meet the “wife” who knows how to use her mouth without getting divorced.



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/166873.html
Original source: http://www.1tv.com.ua
Image: http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/17874.phtml

Make a Promise, Break a Promise (Yes, He Can — All in 1 Day!)

With a few dozen protesters sealed behind a massive police cordon, the 100 Days of Yanucracy gala went without much incident.

Until Yanukovych spoke to the reporters, that is.

Audaciously, they cornered him on his campaign promise to let them tour his fantabulous Mezhyhirya principality.

Caught up in a non-cherry-picked environment, Yanukovych unleashed the full force of the kick-the-cat syndrome on Herman, his big-mouth helicopter mom.

Her attempts to mother him from that environment only made things worse. To every reporter that surrounded him, he promised the bus ride of a lifetime: 5 buses x 60 people in each. Destination: Mezhyhirya.

And boy did he take them for a ride!

Yanukovych: Hanna Mykhailivna...[starts looking around for her]...have this organized. How...how...how many?
Herman [keeps blabbering]:

Yanukovych [gets angry]: No, wa...wait, listen, just listen to me, just listen to me please!
Herman [stops blabbering]:

Yanukovych: How many? 50? A bus? Two? Three? Have five buses organized. I have no objections, no objections. Five buses. 60 people in each.
Herman: As you wish.

Yanukovych: But...but...bu...
Herman: We don’t let the president down around here.

Yanukovych [gets angry again]: Just...lis...Hanya, just let me do the talking! Yes. Just keep in mind that I’ve got one and a half hectares down there, of which I’m an owner. The rest is prohibited...no trespassing. One and a half, one and a half hectares of my property. It is to this one and a half hectares that I’m inviting you. You’ll be walking, you’ll be working. I’m o...open.

Reporters [ask him about who owns the rest]:
Yanukovych: Eh? There’s an owner.

Reporters: Who?
Yanukovych: You know everything [reporters burst into laughter].

Reporters: Your relatives?
Yanukovych: He knows more...more...

Reporters: A London-based firm...
Yanukovych: ...more than I do! Maybe those are your relatives? I don’t know. [laughter] Most probably, yours. What do you mean ‘why’?

Herman: OK, Viktor Fedorovych, we’ll have this organized [phony as hell].
Yanukovych: Eh? I don’t know [responds to a question].

Herman: Thank you!

No sooner had Yanukovych promised to, well, keep his campaign promise than Herman canceled it.

She said the president had an important international meeting to attend. Half an hour later, he made his way back to Mezhyhirya.

And guess what? That’s where the meeting was supposed to take place, according to Herman.

I look forward to having them both appear in Lie To Me, Season 3.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/5/5112172/
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16599/person_id/1.phtml

100 Days of Yanucracy Address (Best Quotes)

On June 3, Ukraine marked 100 days of Yanucracy. So what do we have?

Raped Constitution? Check. Reinforced oligarchy? Check. Semi-muzzled opposition? Check. Kremlin-controlled Ukraine? Check.

The man who made so much happen in so little time deserves a pat on the back from his friends, doesn’t he? That’s why he threw that party in the Ukraine Palace.

A hundred peaceful protesters who dared to rain on his parade, in violation of a court order, became virtually invisible behind a cordon of riot police.

Yanukovych addressed the nation in a bout of extreme bullshitmania.

The incomplete state of market transformations that stopped halfway due to political wars and primitive populism triggered the development of a certain “wild capitalism” where entrepreneurship coexists with bureaucracy, and government resources, for a long time, were redistributed as in socialist times — on the basis of nepotism, favoritism and “political protectionism.”

Strong government is made strong by its opposition.

I want to assure all the skeptics and critics: The oligarchs, lobbyists and other influence groups will, so to speak, stand in the “common line.” I will not allow any side influence on government decisions. The “wild capitalism” times ended with the 2010 election.

Any idea what the “common line” means?

Does it mean Yanukovych will post that $7M gain on the sale of real estate? Does it mean he will renegotiate his $40/hectare Mezhyhirya monthly rent in an open bid?

Does it mean Herman will get rid of her new $58K diamond watch? (Twice her annual income, as far as her tax returns can tell.)





Does it mean Herman's son will quit his lucrative mother-knows-best job and his $15K outfit?















Sources:

http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/3/5102989/

http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/3/5106277/
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/161030.html
http://www.1tv.com.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/4/5106665/ http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/3/5105978/ http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/4/5106665/ http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4c079eb6b66a2/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4c10b2ffdc93d/

Herman Dozes Off on Shuster Live

The Nuclear Servility Summit claims its first jet-lag victim.




Mr. President, how can you treat your public relations nanny like this? She's so unstable.

If you ever need a more stable travel companion, try Staby.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/156243.html
Original source: http://shuster.kanalukraina.tv

Herman Prescribes Mopeds for Gov’t (‘Ugh,’ Not for Hers)

Talk is cheap.

Deputy Chief of Staff Hanna Herman: And the government in Ukraine — in a poor country like this — has to use mopeds. And that will be right.
Host: And what will Azarov use?

Herman: Ughhhhh...iiiiit's...I think that the premierrrrr caaaaan walk on foot if he lives nearby. He can use a bike, for example. I once was witness to the defense minister of Poland, uh, coming to work on a bicycle, uh, and, you know, he had this peg on...on his pants so he wouldn’t touch the chain. I think the government in a poor country, uh, has to behave modestly, aaaaand I think that we all understand this and we all will be thinking about it, thinking at least.

Let’s think about it.


Ready...


Set...


Go!

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/152877.html
Original source: http://5.ua

Herman’s Younger Son, 17, Dies in Car Accident (Updated)

Roman was a 17 year-old on his way from Odesa when his BMW-335 collided with a Mercedes truck. He died.

He was the younger son of MP Hanna Herman (PRU).

Accounts of the accident, which took place in Kirovohrad oblast, at 2:40 a.m. local time, vary. According to kirovograd.proua.com, Roman was driving the car, while, according to UNIAN, the driver was another person, an 20-year old. (In Ukraine, driving a car is illegal for people under the age of 18.)

In the Tabloid comments section, people express condolences, offer sympathy, blast the mazhory, argue with each other and ask questions: How could this kid travel to Odesa and back without parental supervision? Was he driving the car?

UPDATE
According to eyewitness accounts, the two had spent some time at a nearby restaurant, Gazeta.ua reports. The car was moving erratically, indicating that the driver might have been drunk. It even took the opposite lane before entering the right lane and gaining speed, says a local convenience store manager quoted by Gazeta.ua.

The driver was hospitalized and remains stable.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/6/15/96526.htm
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/news/4a35fb1aa0d95/view_comments/
http://www.gazeta.ua/index.php?id=296382
http://www.gazeta.ua/index.php?id=296352
http://kirovograd.proua.com/news/2009/06/15/103133.html
http://tsn.ua/ua/ukrayina/v-dtp-zaginuv-sin-ganni-german.html
http://www.unian.net/ukr/news/news-321012.html

Herman Doesn’t Remember the $100K Car She Jumped Into

She lives in a village hut and wears a $50K watch.

Tabloid paparazzi spied on her again and here's what they found...




What looks like a $10K diamond ring...








A $1,400 Derek Lam shoulder handbag...




A pair of $800-$1,200 Chanel shoes...




A $100,000 Toyota Land Cruiser.

None of this stuff shows up on her tax returns.

She says she doesn't remember the car. Tabloid says her son was driving it.

Ukraine ranks 134th on the 2008 Corruption Perception Index, out of the 180 countries surveyed.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4a29237bedafb/

More Polit Funnies

Durdom (madhouse) does them all.


Dream a dream


Yulenka: Lethal Lessons
Tagline: She doesn't play with dolls. She plays with people.
Based on a promotional poster for the Russian Stephen King-like horror movie Yulenka


The Yushchenko-Chernovetsky team


Thou shalt have none other gods before me


The New Wave


Yanukovych to run the BYuT campaign office in Donbas


Inspired by Tymoshenko, former president Kravchuk pleads with Yushchenko to step down.


The official exchange rate is Yushchenko's crisis-killer sedative


Dovhy, Chernovetsky, Kilchytska
Checking these three into a mental institution would have been better than firing those four hospital administrators for failure to attend the buckwit rally.


The Handout Hippie


"Dear Ukrainians, we're done with democracy. I hereby declare a state of emergency. You can hide but you can't run."


Firtash's Alfa


The Het-man
In Ukrainian, геть (het) means out.


The Unknown Official


Desperate Housewives
Karpachova, Bohoslovska, Tymoshenko, Herman, Semenyuk-Samsonenko, Bohatyryova


A parody on Larry King's interview with President Yushchenko
Larry King: What happened to the ideals of Maidan?
President Yuschenko: They drowned.


Rada fires Ohryzko, matryoshka hatches


A cobra-shaped Bohoslovska on the Eighth of March (International Women's Day)


Kravchuk & Kuchma
The Return of the Musketeers: We Have What We Have (Kravchuk's maxim)



The Clash of Media Biases: Pro-Yushchenko (Inter) v. Pro-Tymoshenko (Kanal Ukrayina)


Che Yushchenko
2011, somewhere in the Carpathians


BYuT gasmen beating the gas out of Firtash


Because of a tight tour schedule, Chernovetsky couldn't attend Yushchenko's meeting with Kyiv municipal authorities.


Welcome to our new office!
RosUkrEnergo occupies the Naftogaz head office


Ukraine's coat of arms


"Put her hands here and her legs there, and she'll be quick to confess where she hid the Gazprom contract."


She who pays Pootie calls the tune


And we should clean the mess


Yulia the Riveter: "Here's your gas, Mr. President!"


The Expulsion from Paradise

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua