Either my way or the highway.
Vladimir Kornilov, Zatulin’s franchisee in Ukraine, doesn’t mince words.
Kornilov: Of course, sooner or later we'll have to put this reality into law as well. At any rate, sooner or later there will be two official languages in Ukraine, or there will be no state of Ukraine in these borders.
Україна (Ukrayina) means different things to different people.
To some, it means країна (krayina), Ukrainian for country, region or land.
To others, it means окраина (okraina), Russian for outskirts, borderland or edge.
Naturally, to most Russians, Ukrayina means okraina, not krayina. Ironically, despite this marginalization, it also means a place — the place — from which they trace their statehood.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Konstantin Zatulin. He’s one of those Russians, and a member of Russia’s parliament at that. He’s a veteran crusader who can’t get enough of patronizing Ukraine now that Yanukovych lifted his persona non grata status.
Zatulin: A few years ago, on the program “Where Did Ukrainians Come From?” (it was on Ukraine’s Channel 1), they asked this question, to everyone: Who are Ukrainians? I said: Those are the Russians who live on the edge, and historically it’s precisely how it is. And I want to point out that, in fact...
Audience: Boo!
Host: You see how the audience is responding.
Zatulin: I want to tell you that my relatives and I myself moved out of the Poltava Governorate, Ukraine, two hundred years ago. Living on the edge is a great historical...a great historical advantage. That’s why... And we, too, live on the edge, if you will: in the East, in the West. You don’t...you don’t have to react like that.
Host: Thank you! Please, please, please, ask your question, pani Hanna, pani Hanna, I'm asking you, please ask your question.
Herman: I want...I want to express...I want to express an official protest to the Russian Federation representative...
Zatulin: [exclaims in dismay]
Herman: ...saying that Ukrainians are the Russians who live on the edge. It is an insult to our people, pan Zatulin.
Host: Let's, let's, please, please, please, your question, please.
Herman: I want you to understand that.
Zatulin: I see...I see that, toward the end of our program, the sense of humor is beginning to fade. OK, let’s say those [Ukrainians] are the Old Russians who live on the edge.
Caught in Crossfire of Cold War II
Putin Blasts ‘Tyranny in Ukraine;' Adviser to Yushchenko Persona Non Grata in Russia
A lingering political crisis still grips Ukraine. Over the last few weeks, we have witnessed a Serduchka-caliber performance by Yanukovych, who is now something of a drag queen for elections, acting in consort with diehard naysayer Moroz. We’ve also seen Yushchenko covering his bases with yet a third decree, which cements the agreed election date at Sep. 30.
Russia, whose presidential campaign kicks into gear amid historically high tensions with the West, has refused to be a passive observer in Ukraine’s internal affairs. Cold War II, Putin’s successor strategy, thrives on the phantom fear of NATO aggression. Among experts, there’s an industry-wide interpretation of it being a propaganda ploy with which to galvanize Russian society along the lines of anti-Americanism and Pax Sovietica nostalgia. The tagline, therefore, should read something like this: “They've got us surrounded. What are we, a bunch of suckers?”
The script appears to be simple and stupid:
Step one, brainwashing. Convince the Russian public that NATO, acting through its ‘puppet regimes’ in Ukraine, Georgia, and the Baltics, plots Russia’s total destruction.
Step two, solution-selling. Peddle “Baby Putin” as the one and only superman capable of saving Russia from this axis of evil.
By arousing patriotic sentiment at home, the Kremlin has successfully diverted attention from its routine business of siphoning gas and oil revenue to offshore banks. Educating the West on the virtues of Russian democracy has been a hard sell, though.
In his recent remarks — a melange of self-deprecating posturing and sarcasm — Putin joked about having spiritual ties with Mahatma Gandhi, whose death he said left him ‘with no one to talk to.’ To make it even more funny, he went on to picture himself as a ‘democrat of the purest kind,’ one whose hopes have been dashed by Ukraine’s ‘drift toward tyranny.’
Recently, Mr. GasPutin, as he is often nicknamed, has re-energized his rhetoric about ‘Ukraine living off cheap Russian energy.’ More heat came Tuesday when Russian authorities denied Mykola Zhulynsky entry to the country, preventing Yushchenko’s adviser and former Ukrainian minister of culture from visiting his relatives’ grave.
The incident opens another chapter in the persona non grata warfare between Ukraine and Russia. Zhulynsky, a moderate nationalist whose views pose as big a threat to Russia as French cultural protectionism would do to Hollywood, was picked as the target of a diplomatic reprisal. It turns out Ukraine had incurred the wrath of the Kremlin when it had blacklisted Aleksandr Dugin, the famous Russian political scientist with a neo-imperialist agenda.
For a country frequented by high-profile foreign politicos who treat its independence with disdain and publicly challenge its territorial integrity, Ukraine has shown a profound degree of tolerance and hospitality. Few countries would tolerate that sort of behavior on their soil.
Unlike Vladimir Zhirinovsky and Konstantin Zatulin, whose persona non grata status has recently expired, allowing them to test Ukraine’s patience again, Mykola Zhulynsky carried no bag of tricks with him. Ukrainian foreign affairs minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk has vowed to raise the issue with Russian leadership.
Tributes Paid at Kushnaryov’s Funeral; Questions Remain
As thousands of mourners file past Kushnryov’s casket in Kharkiv, netizens flock to discuss theories of his death.
What fuels the discussion are rampant discrepancies in the accounts of events regarding:
• species hunted — wolf, boar?
• victim’s location — inside vehicle, out on hunting range?
• weapon used — Russian-made Saiga, Italian-made Benelli Argo?
• number of charges — single, multiple?
The nature of the injuries, a function of the above variables, merits a separate discussion. It is known beyond doubt that the victim suffered acute trauma to his liver, one of his kidneys, and a portion of his intestinal tract.
The prime suspect is one Dmytro Zavalny, Vice President of Kharkiv-based AT Tochprylad. A few hours after the shooting, Oglyadach.com came up with a mainstream version of what had happened. This BYuT-friendly news portal traced the fatality to Zavalny’s “tunnel vision” as he closed his left eye and took aim at the animal. Bang! Zavalny shoots Kushnaryov, his hunting companion — the guy in the wrong place, at the wrong time.
What’s wrong with this story? On the one hand, it defies the laws of ballistics for a single bullet to result in such damage — unless the bullet was a hollow point one, or one fired from elsewhere. On the other hand, it defies common sense for someone of his superb shooting credentials to fire at a human being accidentally — let alone to fire more than one charge.
All of which raises grave suspicions about the official line of investigation, reckless homicide. If convicted on these charges, the defendant faces up to 5 years in prison. By now, many people in this country either believe that Zavalny executed someone else’s master plan or that he is not the one who pulled the trigger.
Granted, Kushnaryov was no Irwin, much less Kennedy, but he was certainly the PRU’s top ideologue, a hawk whose love for Russia surpassed Yanukovych’s earthly and mercantile flirtations. More than that, he was independent-minded, perhaps so independent minded as to have a contract taken out on him. Kharkiv, his native city and the capital of the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic until 1934, holds a claim to fame far more impressive than Donetsk does. With the Kushnaryov faction taking reigns, Kharkiv could not only become a hotbed of federalist fever but also a graveyard of Donetsk’s ambitions.
Given the strange circumstances of his death, Kushnaryov, who had served as Kuchma’s chief of staff from 1996 to 1998, does not seem to be alone in his fate. He will be joining Messrs. Kirpa and Kravchenko, Kuchma’s other cowboys, whose suicides in early 2005 looked very much like the work of a hit squad in a cleanup operation meant to destroy evidence of the departing regime’s crimes.
Aside from Y2K (Yanukovych, Kuchma, Kravchuk) and prominent figures from different political walks of life, mourners included Russian MP Konstantin Zatulin, something of part-time persona non grata in Ukraine. Zatulin called Kushnaryov’s death “an irreparable loss” for Ukraine.
Who benefits? Experts agree that Russia has indeed lost an influential and genuinely reliable partner. They also hint that the power vacuum Kushnaryov has left behind will be most likely filled by the ever-more elbow-pushing Donetsk clan.
Kefirman Azarov to Rada Minority: "Screw You!"
Elitism aside, emotions can be just as hard to contain for Vice Premier Mykola Azarov. Seeking support needed to override the presidential budget veto, Kefirman came soliciting before the Verkhovna Rada.
Rumors of BYuT’s Faustian deal with the Anticrisis Coalition did little to alleviate the heightened speech anxiety he must have experienced due to the polarity in the audience. It didn’t take long before his rhetorical molecules reached the boiling point. With a bad-tempered yet non-offensive hand gesture, Kefirman shot back at his scoffers, “Da poshli vy!”
What followed was a tornado of laughter and mock applause from BYuT and NSNU. “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself,” as Madonna put in “Human Nature.”
Azarov has already discovered a lyrical niche in the anatomy of Russian-Ukrainian relations. His thanksgiving single “For Distinguished Service in Reviving Ukraine,” devoted to Russian MP Konstantin Zatulin, topped Ukraine’s political Billboard.
In fact, the single was more of an award, as it came in the form of a medal of honor — custom-commissioned by Azarov. Wait until you hear this. Konstantin Zatulin, the beneficiary, currently ranks on the SBU’s persona non grata list for meddling in Ukrainian internal affairs.
Perhaps, if maestro Azarov sat on the Board of Governors at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, he would backorder an Oscar for Osama bin Laden.
