Ukrainiana

Reinvention or Retardation?
NSNU Convention Goes on Three-Week Recess

Following a harsh opening address by the honorable Chairman Yushchenko, Snoozers called it a day, leaving a huge time frame for behind-the-scenes politicking to do its work. Experts vary on the outcome. Will there be a revolution within a revolution or will the whole thing continue to rot?

Yushchenko’s grading rampage is long overdue, and so is his self-appraisal. It didn’t take two years for NSNU to slide from the top of the class to the definition of mediocrity.

Yushchenko Sux! Yushchenko Sux! Yushchenko Sux! Sux! Sux!
Remember the theme song of Maidan? (“Razom Nas Bahato”) Of course, back then it was tak, instead of sux, but you already got the idea. So, the biggest joke around Maidan today is: “2009. Dear friends, meet Victor Yushchenko, the PRU contender for the presidency.”

On the eve of Maidan second anniversary, Yushchenko presides over a party that closely resembles the Communist Party of the Soviet Union circa 1989. Not only did this apparatchik-infested garage flunk the parliamentary race, but it also made an outrageous effort to sell its soul for scrap to Donbas, without getting its asking price.

Fairly good at speechifying, Yushchenko is bad at concealing his fragile ego, or so it appears. No other character trait more aptly betrays his leadership failure. Guess what? Rather than waiting for an incoming earful of criticism from fellow Snoozers, he simply disappeared into thin air immediately after the sermon.

Katerynchuk Misses His Fluke
The soul of the reformist faction should call October 21, 2006 his Lost Opportunity Day. Despite half the assembly chanting his name, there wasn’t much of a response from the hero himself. He never took control. He should have taken to the stage and said something like, “Come with me if you want to live.” He didn’t. The lyubi druzi won. As the delegates dispersed, one could probably see Mr. Bezsmertny laughing his ass off at what a pussy you are.

Fradk Off?
Visiting Russian PM Mikhail Fradkov has said that the gas issue will not be on the agenda. The leave-me-alone statement came amid widespread concern that the anticrisis coalition may be willing to bargain away some of Ukraine’s national interests. What are they? Accession to the WTO and NATO, as some sources indicate. What can’t our cash-strapped industrialists do in exchange for measured gas price increases?

Ukrainize!
The fifteen years of Ukraine’s independence have finally convinced State that Ukraine and the international community is linguistically better served with Kyiv, the Ukrainian version, rather than with Kiev, the Russian version. It’s never too late to change your mind! Keep up the good work, Condi.