Imagine Obama and McCain had chosen not to run. Imagine that, instead, they had agreed to rewrite the Constitution and appoint each other president and vice president, respectively. Imagine, also, that they had bribed Congress by extending its term to 2014.
Why overtax your imagination? Welcome to Ukraine!
Described above is the master plan about to be implemented by opposition leader Viktor Yanukovych (PRU) and Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko (BYuT).
After years of backstage talks and gyrations in the PRU-BYuT-NUNS love-and-hate triangle, the biggest two are about to form широка коаліція (shyroka koalitsiya, or the grand coalition). Many Ukrainians have long reduced широка коаліція to sarcastic terms like ширка (shyrka — slang for intravenous drug use) or ПРіБЮТ (PRiBYuT — a near-homophone for приб'ють, or “they’ll nail [us]”).
To put a good face on their nailing business, Yanukovych and Tymoshenko — both of whom are being nailed by the Kremlin — call it Coalition of Unity and Revival. I call it Coalition of Impunity and Deprival. They want to deprive me of my Constitutional right to elect a president, and they want to do it with impunity, seeking to please the Kremlin.
The idea behind the Pres Yanuk/PM Tymo arrangement:
1. Hedging against the risk of losing the winner-take-all presidential election and post-election oligarch wars, persecutions, etc;Cabinet seats by party:
2. Splitting the country into political fiefdoms/spheres of influence.
Ministry of Defense
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Ministry of Justice Ministry of Transport & Communications
Ministry of Agricultural Policy
Ministry of Coal Industry
Ministry of Health care Ministry of Culture & Tourism
Ministry of Internal Affairs
Ministry of Economy
Ministry of Finance
Ministry of Fuel & Energy Ministry of Industrial Policy
Ministry of Labor & Social Policy
In other words, Ukraine’s two major parties have agreed on a 21st-century Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, one country at a time. Tymoshenko (aka Gas Princess) and Yanukovych (aka ProFFessor) will divvy up whatever that’s left ungrabitized after the last eighteen years of grabitization. My other name for this coalition: H1N1 (How 1 Needs 1).
To secure a rock-hard majority and cement oligarchic bipartisanship, two-round parliamentary elections will be held. In addition to extending the office term of the current Verkhovna Rada to 2014, the agreement informally calls for further cooperation, reaching as far as 2024.
President Yushchenko has repeatedly vowed to challenge such moves in the Constitutional Court and/or put them on a referendum. He may also reschedule the upcoming parliamentary and presidential elections to an earlier date, which may complicate the coalition’s efforts to amend the Constitution.
Enjoy this Channel 1+1 report (may contain major spoilers):
Speaker-Priest Volodymyr Lytvyn: Do you, Viktor, agree to join Yulia to be with her in sorrow and in joy till the parliamentary elections do you part?I don’t know who’s going to be on top of who. All I know is they love being on top of Ukraine. For them, it's the best option. In fact, it's the only way they can love Ukraine.
Opposition Leader-Groom Viktor Yanukovych: I do.
Lytvyn: And you, Yulia, will you respect Viktor and…
PM-Bride Yulia Tymoshenko: I do, I do! [giggles]
Lytvyn: And so, by the power vested in me by the MPs, I pronounce you husband and wife, er, that is, the Grand Coalition.
Former MP Oleksandr Volkov: Well…speaking in purely human terms, it’s about who’s on top. You know, uhhh… being on top is not always the best option, OK? Because everybody loves…uhhh…basically, different ways [giggles], that is.
I can’t wait till Ukraine gets over her Electra complex (elect Viktor, elect Yulia, elect Viktor…), grows a penis and loves them back.
Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/123099.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua