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Friday, April 30, 2010

Putin: ‘I Would Eat Both Yanukovych And…Aaaand…’

Last year, a Russian news anchor called President Medvedev “Prime Minister of Russia.” Even more hilariously, he then called PM Putin by his previous job title: “President.”

As if in revenge, during his recent inspection of Kyiv, Putin degraded Yanukovych and even entertained the idea of cannibalizing him.

Putin: The price that...uh...that they rolled out at us — to me it was completely off the charts. For this amount of money, I would eat both Yanukovych and...aaaaaand your president combined. But...I really...but the money is military base in the world is worth that much money. There’s no price like that.

Mr. Putin, do you have a name for that “president” of ours? Does he know you'd eat him along with Yanukovych?

Let me guess. You meant that bad guy Yushchenko, right? He’s not our president anymore! Besides, he still may have some dioxin left in him.

But if you want both Yushchenko and Yanukovych, be my guest.

Need an appetizer? Try Chicken Kiev Chicken Obama and his audaciously hopeful uranium-over-democracy sauce.

Hell, you can even digest this retro book of recipes:

Recently, I returned from a trip to Ukraine, where I had the opportunity to meet the nation's third president, Viktor Yushchenko. Since the country first broke away from the Soviet Union more than a decade earlier, Ukraine has been trying to forge its own identity and assert its own independence from Russia. This culminated earlier this year in the Orange Revolution, a mass demonstration from thousands of protestors who stood by Yushchenko and his promise to move his country further from the sphere of Russian influence.

President Yushchenko finally won. But today, Ukraine remains almost entirely dependent on - guess who -- Russia - for all it's oil and gas supplies. And it is widely expected that in anticipation of next year's parliamentary elections, Russia will triple the prices of both. Despite all the soaring rhetoric, the demonstrations and the courage, Ukraine still finds itself at the mercy of its former patron - a nation that can now influence every political and economic decision they make - all because of oil.

This will not be America's future - but this is the stranglehold that fossil fuels can have on a nation's freedom. Ukraine may have little choice in the matter. The most powerful and wealthy nation on earth, teeming with brilliant minds and cutting-edge technology, surely does. The genius of the American people has already shown us the path towards energy independence, now they're just waiting for their government to take them there. Let's finally get it done. Thank you.

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John Kalitka said...

I'm afraid President Obama wouldn't attract much interest...he's full of something that everyone knows wouldn't taste very good.

Anonymous said...

Well, I didn't know he has sense of humour.

alan said...

You are no more disappointed with Obama than we are. He was not my choice when I voted. Many belived his lies of change. When asked what he was going to change he was vague. Now he is very clear as to what he wants to do. Are there any good politicians ?

Lingüista said...

It would seem Yanukovych is really bent on undoing whatever good side there was to Yushchenko's presidency -- and going right back under Russia's wing. What a pity!...

Taras said...


Yes, he’s full of surprise. He really surprised me with all those glowing accounts of his trip to Ukraine in The Audacity of Hope.

I’m having a severe case of past-to-present cognitive dissonance.


As you can see, Putin has a tremendous, larger-than-life sense of humor, one that defies diplomacy.


You have to live with his domestic policy and I have to live with his foreign policy. So, your disappointment comes first and mine comes a close second:)

At a time when Yanukovych sells out Ukraine left and right, governments that support him should be aware of the opposition.

Governments that support Yanukovych and his unconstitutional policies will have a lot of fence-mending to do with post-Yanukovych Ukraine.

As a Ukrainian, I want to share this point with everyone who visits my blog, including the U.S. intelligence community:)


Yanukovych runs Ukraine like Tom Hanks in Big, except that he’s bigger than Freddy Krueger.

The bigger they come, the harder they fall.