‘Uvikny...Uvim...Uvikn...Uvikny...Viknit’ (Yanukovych’s At It Again)

Dear Davos, will you please let him switch on Ukraine?

Spelling tips: Uvimkny [oo-veem-knyh] Ukrayinu.

Yanukovych: This slogan, “Uvikny...Uvim...Uvikn...Uvikny...Viknit Ukrayinu,” this is the promo campaign slogan of our state for Euro 2012! To uviknuty [wrong again]...Ukraine, I...want to say it’s enough to look at her and see for yourself once the chestnut trees start to blossom...in Kyiv...and when...it starts getting warm and in Ukrainian cities women start undressing.

Hey FEMEN, are you listening?

Back to Davos. How about we ask Pinchuk to sponsor that diamond-encrusted baby skull as our Euro 2012 mascot?

Wouldn't it symbolize Ukraine’s success and give the oligarchs full credit for it?

The 2011 Census would supply the crossbones.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/153592/yanukovich_v_davose_ne_smog_pravilno_proiznesti_slovo_uvmkni_video_obnovleno
http://5.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22158.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/22241.phtml

Mock Rally: Free First Lady Yanukovych!

He doesn’t just ground Tymoshenko these days.

Lyudmyla Yanukovych, his estranged and old-fashioned wife, fares no better.

Long ridiculed online for her comic 2004 anti-Orange rant, she now has become the target of what looks like a mock protest.



“Ukraine is no Iran! Yanukovych is no tyrant!” “Respect First Lady!” “Freedom for First Lady” “Vitya, show Lyuda to the world!” “Lyudmyla deserves tea with Obama!” “Lyudmyla deserves coffee with Bruni!”

Seriously, what’s wrong with Lyudmyla Yanukovych joining Michelle Obama for a tea party? Now that we have no enriched uranium left, our first lady no longer poses a radiation risk to the White House, does she? The two could discuss other ways to help Ukraine out of its resources.

Carla Bruni could grab a cup of coffee with our first lady on board one of those Mistral helicopter carriers. It’s a real treasure to have a friend like Sarkozy who helps Ukraine stay out of NATO and under Russia's wing.

Any other bon voyage ideas?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/27/5844365/
http://tvi.ua

Azarov, Kravchuk Take Bows After Yanukovych Lets Them

Happy Unity Day!

Yanukovych: And I bow down.

And they bow down too.

Luckily, no wreath attacks this time. Just a couple of clockwork oranges.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/23/5823918/
http://5.ua

Yanukovych: ‘DISEASE of Passing Reforms’

Talk about foot-in-mouth disease.

Yanukovych: The main resource that we have at our disposal is the trust and understanding of the necessity of overcoming (the) temporary difficulties of the DISEASE of passing reforms.

That’s what happens when you misspell заради (for the sake of) as зарази (of the disease). And quite emphatically so!

But wait a minute... What if it’s just a confession? A major spoiler of the man’s reform agenda? A mega-Freudian slip? Who knows...

Keep them coming, Mr. President!

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/22/5820376/
http://1tv.com.ua

Yanukovych to Japan: ‘Welkom in Ukraine!’

It’s easy when you’re big in Japan!

Yanukovych: As Japanese wisdom has it, ‘A plan without action is a pipe dream. Action without a plan is failure. Welkom in Ukraine!

Looks like somebody took out an artistic license on Japanese wisdom. “Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare.” Was that the original saying?

Anyway, some travel tips: Jak se mas? Welkom in Yanukstan! Veri nice! Hi five!







Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/152003/yanukovich_snova_okonfuzilsya_zayaviv_yapontsam_welcome_in_ukraine_video
http://stb.ua

Regionalist Compares Yanukovych to Skoropadsky

True friends stab you in the front.

MP Volodymyr Vecherko (Party of Regions): Viktor Fedorovych Yanukovych, much like Hetman Skoropadsky, has said it and keeps saying it everywhere, that Ukraine is a nation...and it has the right to determine, on its own, which way Ukraine should go. Is that clear or not?

MP Andriy Parubiy (NUNS): Don’t you equate Hetman Skoropadsky and your chief. I’m begging you.

Host: Gentlemen...

Vecherko: Let me, let me, let me once again...today he’s the president and takes responsibility for the entire nation of the country.

Yanukovych=Skoropadsky? Hope you have a self-fulfilling prophecy there!

(Remember that WW I autocrat whose puppet regime facilitated the German occupation of Ukraine and went the way of the Germans?)

So how do the two compare to each other?

Yanukovych clearly lacks Skoropadsky’s redeeming feature: anti-Bolshevism. Unlike Yanukovych, Skoropadsky siphoned food (not iron) from Ukraine, and thus didn’t need gas from Russia.

Put that issue aside, and Yanukovych becomes a faithful follower of Skoropadsky. He’s the man for the job! As long as Hetman Yanukovych remains in charge, Ukraine will remain oligarch/IMF-occupied territory.

Isn’t it great to have a commodity colony right outside the EU’s door? One with the population of California+Virginia, and the GDP of Utah?

Who wants to lose a steady supply of live-in maids, sex slaves and €5M Courchevel bday parties?




Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/151329/partiya_regionov_viktor_fedorovich_yanukovich__kak_getman_skoropadskiyi_video
http://5.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/21597/person_id/1.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/21850/person_id/1.phtml

Deputy Prosecutor General Plays Gangster Anthem

Gangsta rap. Performed by an assistant attorney general. Can you imagine this?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Renat Kuzmin!

He serves as one of our deputy prosecutor generals. That makes him a very special guest star to appear on “Ukraine’s Being Had by Talent.” (Nice parody name for an annual gala organized by MP Yan Tabachnyk of the ruling Party of Regions, huh?)

Anyway, watch Kuzmin perform “Murka,” not gangsta rap, but pretty much the anthem of the local underworld. (Lyrics: Female gangster cheats on her lover-fellow gangster, sells out the gang and gets her comeuppance.)



“Murka” became a household name after appearing in “The Meeting Place Cannot Be Changed” (1978), a popular Soviet miniseries.


3:53-4:42

Ukraine's being had by talent. Any doubt about that?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2011/01/9/5766343/
http://inter.ua
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1f5F3-1wfI

Lutsenko’s Wife Frets Over Lockup ‘Aura’

You’ve made your aura, now lie in it.

Mrs. Lutsenko: We...uh...have knowledge that he’s in cell 158. This cell initially served for...as death row. Later, in this cell, they keep...they kept...those sentenced to life. I believe this aura...that engulfs this cell...well, it’s...uh...unacceptable for my husband. He’s not a convict.

Did you say “aura,” ma’am? What about tangible things like torture?

Like breathing inside a plastic bag? Like being anally assaulted with an attitude adjuster? Like being beaten to death? Like being a vegetable for the rest of your life?







Agreed, it’s unfair to single out Lutsenko, given the crimes of others.

After all, what did Lutsenko do? Not much. He would drink and dance on the taxpayers’ dime, hopping from talk show to talk show. And all this time he would sit on top of an insanely corrupt, sadistic and bloated police force.

What do you make of a country whose interior minister promotes his driver to the rank of Lt. Colonel? What do you make of a country whose police outnumbers its army two to one?

Lutsenko specialized in crimes of omission, not commission. The Georgians made police reform happen. Lutsenko made shit happen. That’s it.

As much as I hate Yanukovych, I love the medicine he has administered to one part of our elite.

In its own time, the other part will get a taste of its own medicine.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/149424/lutsenko_derjat_v_kamere_smertnikov__jena_opalnogo_eksministra_videos http://kanalukraina.tv
http://tsn.ua

Lutsenko's Wife, Friends Celebrate New Year Outside Lockup

You're gonna be impotent! No, not you, Mr. President!

Iryna Lutsenko: I wish him...faithful friends. I wish him health. I wish him no harm. I think he’s a bighearted man...and...a strong man...uh...a man who achieved absolute power that we’re witnessing now in our country shouldn’t be vengeful. He should respect his enemies...or opponents.

Mustafa Nayem: How could this be that you’re greeting the current president in charge and yet you blamed Viktor Yushchenko for what happened to your husband?
Mrs. Lutsenko: Uh...I don’t have it in me to greet him on this New Year. I...can’t...can’t be insincere here. I don’t have good words for him.

Nayem: But you do have them for Yanukovych?
Mrs. Lutsenko: They’re not good. They’re neutral.

So it’s safewords for Yanukovych and badwords for Yushchenko?

Seriously, why blame Yushchenko? Don’t you guys deserve each other?

2005: Yushchenko becomes president, Lutsenko becomes minister;
2006-2007: Lutsenko goes on sabbatical; wireless story leaks out;
2007-2008: Lutsenko makes comeback, backs Tymoshenko;
2009: Fun in Frankfurt; Yanukovych-Tymoshenko coalition talks.

Law-abiding citizens beaten, tortured and murdered by police: thousands
High-profile criminals caught: um...1? Ihor Zvarych?

2010: Game over.

Quite a president we have now. Finally, somebody takes Yushchenko’s campaign promises a bit more seriously! “Bandits will sit in jail,” remember?

Makes you want to rehash your hubby's “one law for all” (“not just for me”) recipe, huh?

Source:
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/nayem/4d201b5b0470c/

Yushchenko’s Brother: ‘Any Government Is From God’

In Government=God we trust.

Reporter: Will you be listening to Yanukovych this year [New Year’s address]?
MP Petro Yushchenko (NUNS): Sure, I will!

Reporter: You’re willing to?
Petro Yushchenko: It’s a choice...it’s a choice...it’s a choiceeeee...uh...under...any government is from God!

Thank God you and your bro got to keep your government apartment and dacha respectively!




God bless Ukraine!

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/148679/yuschenko_poobeschal_vstretit_novyyi_god_s_yanukovichem_quotlyubaya_vlast__ot_bogaquot_video http://tsn.ua
http://www.evangelie.ru/forum/t32670.html
http://www.volynnews.com/news/interesting/ianukovycha_i_iushchenka_zobrazyly_na_ikonakh_foto/

Lutsenko’s Wife Curses Prosecutor: ‘You’re Gonna Be Impotent!’

Forget Tamiflu! Think Viagra!

Lutsenko’s wife: How can one tolerate such a lie? It’s just impossible! Why are you staring at me? Why are you staring at me, liar? You’re gonna be impotent! I’m looking right into your eyes. You’re gonna be impotent!

Power can be soooo sexy. Losing power sux.

He lost his power, but not his sense of humor.

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/148663/jena_lutsenko_proklyala_prokurora_quotbudesh_ty_impotentomquot_video
http://kanalukraina.tv

FEMEN: ‘We Are the Watch Bitches of Democracy!’

Join the party!

(The FEMEN political party, that is.)

We are Ukrainian women. We are the FEMEN movement. We are the watch bitches of democracy! Our god: woman. Our weapon: bare breasts. Our goal: government. European Union, accept us! Kremlin, leave us alone! Ukraine, let’s be together! Ukrainian women, come join us, get topless and win!

If some of that sounds naïve, join this Ukrainian Army beauty contest.



Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/126232.html
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/147869/femen_quotmy_chasovye_suki_demokratii_nasha_tsel_vlastquot_video
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/147884/pervyyi_v_istorii_ukrainskoyi_armii_konkurs_krasoty_zampolit_skazal_poshli_i_ya_poshla_video
http://kanalukraina.tv

4 Opposition MPs in Hospital, Beaten by Majority

Blood on the dance floor again!

This time, Yanukovych boys beat the democracy out of Tymoshenko's BYuT.






Casualties: 4 BYuTies hospitalized with various injuries (1 in pretty bad shape).



The Party of Regions. The party that builds!

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/12/16/5683362/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/12/16/5683100/
http://stb.ua

Yanukovych (FY 2011: $42.9M) v. Bush (FY 2007: $12.4M)

He talks small government.

And then he outspends the White House 3.45 to 1.

Yanukovych: These people that will be dismissed, they will receib...receive corr...corresponding severance packages upon dismissal, in accordance with the law. [...] The benefits...from the reduction of government officials’ headcount will not transpire until 2012. From then on, every year, undoubtedly, we’ll have quite substantial savings.

You mean, having 16 ministers instead of 24 will save us a fortune? Awesome! But wait... Is that the whole story?

It’s not. I mean look at the State Directorate for Affairs. This funny-name agency acts as the nanny state to Ukraine’s mammoth central government bureaucracy.

In FY 2011, its budget will balloon 27%, or by Hr. 292,856,700 ($36,822,962), to Hr. 1,343,862,300 ($168,973,394).

Now what about the Administration of the President? Wanna see the color of his money?

FY 2011: Hr. 204,743,300 ($25,743,835)
FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

That’s just one ambiguous presidential line item. The other two items, maintenance and foreign travel:

FY 2011: Hr. 107,396,200 ($13,503,690)
FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

FY 2011: Hr. 29,151,500 ($3,665,426)
FY 2010: Hr. 26,526,300 ($3,335,340)

So whatta we got?

$42.9M for Yanukovych (FY 2011) v. $12.4M for Bush (FY 2007).



You’d think Ukraine’s GDP per capita beats that of the U.S. by a factor of 3.45.

Oh no...



Nominal GDP per capita: Ukraine ($2,600) v. U.S. ($46,400)

Special thanks to the IMF for your continued support!

Your last standby program caught us in Nov. 2008, when we had a population of 46,200,000. As of Sept. 1, 2010, we still had 45,831,400 left.

Can we downsize it to, say, 25 million over the next two decades?

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/145718/yanukovich_effekt_ot_sokrascheniya_gosslujaschih_nastupit_ne_skoro_nado_snachala_nakormit_uvolennyh_chinovnikov_video
http://inter.ua
http://news.dt.ua/news/73777
http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d09305.pdf
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20249/person_id/1.phtml

Protesters Out, Yolka In (Yanukovych Speaketh)

Perimeter secured!



Ever wonder who stole that tent city? And why?

Yanukovych: Because the rule of law...uh...abiding...by the laws of Ukraine is compulsory for all. Today...in Kyiv, they’re already setting up, on the very spot where the protesters’ tents stood yesterday...uh...today, they’re already setting up the New Year...[struggles with Ukrainian, settles for Russian]...YOLKA [tree], and very-very soon people will start celebrating the New Year.

In other words, “Sapogi dorogu znayut. The boots know the road.”

So does the yolka, the New Year tree. It makes people happy and protesters scarce.



Happy New Year, Mr. YanukovGrinch!



Sources:
http://nedotorkani.com/yanukovych-yolka
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20821.phtml
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144703/yanukovich_i_elka2_versiya_usovershenstvovana_podskazkami_prezidentu_video
http://dpua.info
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144890/yanukovich_i_elka_skorost_mysli_prezidenta_ravna_skorosti_bega_chempiona_mira_video

Police Trash Anti-Tax Code Protesters' Camp

After concessions, a crackdown!

Democracy, Yanukovych-style.




Police state Україна (Ukraine)


Happy New Year, Mr. President!











Police arrested up to 10 protesters (1 ended up in the hospital).

Visit Mustafa Nayem's blog for more crackdown pics.

And yes, Yanukovych called the crackdown “democratic.”

He knows what he's talking about.




I've been dreaming of this for six years.


Democracy was dismantled here.



Pics from Olena Bilozerska's post-crackdown report.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/12/3/5640009/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/nayem/4cf89721a73ef/
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/144341/razgon_mayidanazachitali_sudebnoe_reshenie_i_nachali_varvarski_hamski_vse_krushit_i_lomat_video
http://5.ua
http://tsn.ua
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/20738.phtml
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/12/3/5641834/
http://bilozerska.livejournal.com/341509.html

Yanukovych Admits to Giving Bribes?

He minces pockets. But he doesn’t mince words.

Yanukovych: They’re rubber-stamping permits and licenses...and they’ve got regions, business, entrepreneurs and industrialists standing in line. [...] I’ll tell you, I’ve been in that line too. I would never come to Kyiv...alone. Because I didn’t have enough hands. And when we flew...when I flew by plane, two or three [entourage] cars would follow.

Thank you for sharing, Uncle Vitya! Has logistics improved since then?

I mean look at Uncle Lyosha. He looks like he could use a hand.









Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/180746.html
http://www.1tv.com.ua
http://www.expres.ua/main/2010/06/10/37753

Yanukovych: 'I Will Give 5-Year Tax Breaks to All Small Businesses'

Read his lips again.

Presidential candidate Yanukovych: Taxes should be lowered...most notably, by a factor of three, for enterprises where new jobs are created and high tech is introduced. I will give 5-year tax breaks to all small businesses and will exempt...small businesses...from registration fees and all permits paperwork.

How's that for a stump speech/campaign promise?





So here's my Thanksgiving message. (Skip to 40:30.)




Yes, I can see! Great General, I will work harder at the salt mines to get more salt to bring you more happiness. Thank you very much!




Sources:
http://maidan.org.ua/static/news/2010/1290156126.html
http://politiko.com.ua/blogpost46921
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGjme04H5VE
http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/9687/yanuk.gif
http://vimeo.com/17185078
http://www.nationalgeographic.com
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/18626/person_id/1.phtml

Anti-Tax Code Protests Gain Momentum

It ain't over.





Police keep blocking Kyiv-bound buses and threatening to remove the Maidan camp. Yet people keep coming.

The government has made a lame attempt at negotiations. With a slightly stronger showing in Kyiv, protests continue all over Ukraine.

That includes Yanukovych strongholds: Donetsk, Kharkiv, Dnipropetrovsk and Odesa.

More Anti-Tax Code Protests As Orange Revolution Turns 6

Back to square one.

We're nowhere as big as 6 years ago.

But we're in the right place, at the right time.





Tymoshenko back in vogue?

Her plan: Petition Yanukovych to veto the tax code.

Meanwhile, a court bans rallies in downtown Kyiv Nov. 22-26.

That's the same court that never banned pro-Yanukovych rallies.

The police that protected Yanukovych are now threatening his opponents.