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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Politspoofs from Obozrevatel

Yushchenko, Tymoshenko, Yanukovych, Firtash, Boiko, Lyovochkin, Putin, Medvedev, gas, the $5B loan... It's all in there!

Enjoy these political spoofs,
brought to you by Obozrevatel and based on Nu, pogodi! (Well, Just You Wait!), the Soviet equivalent of Tom and Jerry.





My favorite line (translation mine):

Yushchenko: Країну ми прокутім/This country we'll be looting
Tymoshenko: Бабла одолжит Путин/We'll get the dough from Putin
Yanukovych: Он воздух портит, выпуская газ/He spoils the air with his gas


Videos uploaded from:
http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MjU0MTkmdnQ9MA
http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MjU0MjAmdnQ9MA

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Akhmetov’s Foundation to Lobby for Ukraine in Washington?

Washington is becoming a public relations playground for Ukraine's oligarchs.

This time, it's not about Viktor Pinchuk, Ukraine’s second-richest man. It's about Rinat Akhmetov, Ukraine's richest man.

Enjoy this article on how Akhmetov’s Foundation for Effective Governance “is mounting a campaign to press Washington to treat the newly democratic nation as a key ally in Europe.”

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/25/90274.htm
http://thehill.com/content/view/80011/70/1/0/

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Freudian Slip of the Year

I call them Tymoshenko Regionalists.

The video you’re about to see features Oleksandra Kuzhel (PRU), a former MP who currently serves as Chairwoman of the State Committee on Regulatory Policy and Entrepreneurship.



Oleksandra Kuzhel: I was invited to this store. They were having a dis...a blowout footwear sale. I had never seen such a large number of people in that store when I arrived. So I took a pair of shoes at a price that I know they sell in Milan. That is, uh, the discount price equaled the real [Milan] price. And that’s the price that had already reflected a bribe...[spins her eyeballs in reverse mode]...a discount...of more than 80 percent.


Just watch her rapid eye movement! Why do our well-traveled/well-clad officials have such a geographically displaced sense of bribery?

It’s about time the Ukrainian diaspora in Italy followed up on Kuchma’s Ukraine Is Not Russia with an Italy Is Not Ukraine.

After all, it’s Ukrainians — an estimated 600,000-1,000,000 people — who have fled to Italy, not the other way around..

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/114474.html
Original source: http://inter.ua

Friday, February 20, 2009

More Polit Funnies

Durdom.in.ua and Eggs.net.ua keep them coming!


Acting on Tymoshenko's glowing economic reports, Western ambassadors have applied for Ukrainian citizenship.


"Yushchenko, don't blabber!"
A parody on the Soviet WWII poster "Ne boltai!" ("Don't blabber!")
U.S. equivalent: "Loose lips might sink ships."



BYuT lovestruck with the Party of Regions


Different wavelengths


The Pied Piper of Hamelin 2009


A hundred-hryvnia thank-you-for-a-job-well-done bill

"All she needs is a little credit."
A funny take on Confessions of a Shopaholic



Dear countrymen, I've issued a decree:
White shall be black Bitter shall be sweet Hogwash shall be wisdom


Lyovochkin & Boiko, the RosUkrEnergo lobby in the Party of Regions, get the finger from Firtash


Le ProFFessionnel





Making fun of Inna Bohoslovska


Chernovetsky escorted by babushkas and dedushkas
"You don't have a chance!
"


His new album


Lord of the Land The Return of the King
Pictured (clockwise): Chernovetsky, Yushchenko, Dovhy, Chernovetsky's son Stepan, Kilchytska, Baloha A spoof dedicated to Chernovetsky's reelection in May 2008


A spoof based on Chernovetky's ice-swimming and the 1980 Moscow Olympics closing ceremony


The Holy Trinity: Adelaja, Chernovetsky, Fletcher






The Day the Earth Stood Still



Dovhy as Chernovetsky's successor


The Kosmosmobile


The bucks-for-ballots babushka monetizer machine



The new album: "You're Still Alive My Granny..."


A Hr. 1.70 bill
A pointed jab at the metro rate rollback, from Hr. 2 to Hr. 1.70 (after a fourfold rate hike from Hr. 0.50 to Hr. 2)


"Granny, surrender your apartment and go for the caviar!"


Taxing newborns


A buckwheat-giving Serduchka-looking marijuanized mayor

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua
http://eggs.net.ua

Obozrevatel: Pinchuk to Lobby for Tymoshenko in Washington?

Obozrevatel published another interesting article. This time, it’s about Pinchuk supposedly pimping Tymoshenko’s ride, not Clinton’s.

I translated a portion of it:

Adding fuel to the fire was information, leaked to the [Presidential] Secretariat, that Lady Y was “putting the charms” on Viktor Pinchuk with an eye toward having him engage in “lobbyism,” that is, in the well-placed choreography of her less-than-humble persona in Washington.

It’s no secret that Pinchuk is an old friend of the Clinton family, a sponsor of their foundation. In 2008, he was awarded the great honor of rendering financial assistance to the Obama campaign. Today, having won the laurels of a philanthropist and charity giver, Kuchma’s son-in-law has a lot of authority in the West. One can hardly call him the “leader of opinion,” but Viktor Mykhailovych’s* word still carries a lot of weight. [Viktor Mykhailovych Pinchuk (Pinchuk’s full name)]

In Europe, Tymoshenko’s “goodwill envoy” is Vice Premier Nemyrya; in Russia, it’s Viktor Medvedchuk; in Washington, she would like to have this role filled by Pinchuk. Now that he’s passed her “test of loyalty” in Davos with flying colors, literally laying it at YVT’s* feet, it’s even more apparent. [Yulia Volodymyrivna Tymoshenko (Tymoshenko’s full name)]

The question is, does Pinchuk himself want it? Especially, given his longstanding Dnipropetrovsk-era antagonism with Yulia Volodymyrivna — a blood feud, to be precise. [Both Pinchuk and Tymoshenko launched their careers in the heavily inudstrialized city of Dnipropetrovsk, which became a battleground of their disputes.]

In the Tymoshenko-Pinchuk affair, there can be only one motive: securing “protection” for his family and business, so that, for him, 2010 will not be a repeat of 2005.

Besides, no oligarch can avoid “self-determination” in the context of the presidential election. Everyone has their own way of “giving.” Some will “help” using money, some will help using other resources, and Pinchuk will help using connections and…air time. [Pinchuk reportedly controls ICTV, STB, Novy Kanal and M1.]

Actually, it was on this that Viktor Mykhailovych and Yulia Volodymyrivna agreed in the course of their latest and rather lengthy tête-à-tête meeting. The fact that at least one such “tryst” has occurred was gleaned by Oboz from credible sources in the government. Speakers from the Premier’s inner circle claim there have been several meetings.


The fact that Kuchma’s son-in-law contributed up to $5M to the Clinton Foundation merits no further discussion. By contrast, the allegation that he contributed to the Obama campaign merits a separate discussion.

If it happens to be accurate, then one thing should finally hit home: being “well served by President Kuchma and his government's bold and farsighted leadership.”

Sources:
http://obozrevatel.com/news/2009/2/17/286631.htm

Thursday, February 19, 2009

U.S. sMILES on Ukraine

As you already know, the Obama administration appears to be backpedaling from Obama’s commitment to support a NATO track for Ukraine.

Actually, Ukraine got a consolation prize: 119 aging Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement Systems (MILES).



They resemble paintball, except that they use laser. The cash-strapped Ukrainian military is expecting another shipment in April.

So here’s the military math:

Ukraine gives up 176+14 ICBMs (a total of 1,240 warheads) + 600 cruise missiles + up to 3,000 tactical nukes = and all Ukraine gets is MILES + an exchange program at West Point.

Wait a minute, last October they talked about selling us some decomissioned USN battleships. That’s right, they just talked.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113985.html
Original source: http://inter.ua

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Chernovetsky Orchestrates a Buckwit Rally

Pavlov experimented with dogs that behaved like humans. Chernovetsky experiments with humans that behave like dogs.

I call them buckwits. They can sell their neighborhood's last tree, playground and ray of sunshine for a pack of buckwheat. That’s all it takes to buy their votes and screw them out of their senses again and again.


After that turbulent last Thursday, which shook his majority, along with his recent initiatives, he staged a buckwit rally outside the City Hall on Friday.




Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: Cher-no-vets-ky!
Buckwits:
Cher-no-vets-ky! Cher-no-vets-ky!


Chernovetsky:
Let’s take a look… [puts on glasses]

Buckwits:
There are lots of us!


Chernovetsky:
Now tell me, do you love me?

Buckwits:
Yes, we do!


Chernovetsky:
Yes, we do!

Buckwits:
Yes, we do!


Chernovetsky:
Is my wife beautiful?

Buckwits:
Yes, she is! Very beautiful!


Chernovetsky:
The most beautiful?

Buckwits:
She’s superb! Superb! And your team is young!


Chernovetsky:
Is that a yes or no?

Buckwits:
You’re the best!


Chernovetsky:
Is my team the best?

Buckwits:
Ooooooo!


Chernovetsky:
Does it love you?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
More than I do?

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
Can’t hear you!

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
More than I do?

Buckwits:
Nooo! [pause]


Chernovetsky:
Who else do you love?

Buckwits: No one. [single voice]

Chernovetsky:
Has there ever been more people here in Ukraine than today?

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
Say it loud!

Buckwits:
Noooooo!


Chernovetsky:
One more time!

Buckwits:
Noooooo!


Chernovetsky:
Good! Does anybody here know how to whistle?

Buckwits:
Ooooooo! [audience whistles]


Chernovetsky:
Wow! Well done!

Buckwits:
Ooooooo! [audience whistles]


Chernovetsky:
Now, do you love our Lord Jesus Christ?

Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky:
Say it loud, do you love him?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
Let's cross ourselves. [crosses himself]

Chernovetsky:
Well, who else…hey, listen, do you love my [deputy mayor] Oles, Oles Dovhy?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
Say 'very much!'

Buckwits:
Very much!


Chernovetsky:
Would you like to snyat* him?

Buckwits:
Nooo! How can we? Glory to him!


*The Russian verb snimat (снимать) has more than one meaning. The intended meaning: to fire someone (“Would you like him fired?”) The unintended meaning: to hook up with someone (“Would you like to hook up with him?”). The way Chernovetsky phrased his question — and the tone in which he pronounced it — made it sound like a double entendre. The comic edge doesn’t end there if we keep in mind that the Ukrainian adjective dovhy (довгий) means long. Poor babushkas! You'll never know what you’re missing!


Chernovetsky:
Say it loud!

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
Okay. NOOO!

Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Great, great! And who is fighting him — bribe takers, right?
Buckwits:
Yes! Corrupt officials! [young voice]


Chernovetsky:
Corrupt officials, right?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky: Shall we defeat corruption this year?
Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky: Do you want to give bribes?
Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
Would you and your kids like to live like you do today?

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky:
Say it loud. NOOO!

Buckwits:
Nooo!


Chernovetsky: I think you’ve now warmed yourselves up, haven’t you? To keep you from freezing, let me tell you the following. Every day, I pray for Ukraine...for Kyivites...for my beloved, you know for whom.
Buckwits:
For babushkas.


Chernovetsky:
For whom?

Buckwits:
For babushkas.


Chernovetsky:
For babushkas?

Buckwits:
Yeees! And for dedushkas.


Chernovetsky:
Here’s to the...do you love the babushkas?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
Do you call them every day?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
You’re not loud enough. You call them, don’t you?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
YES!

Buckwits:
Yes.


Chernovetsky:
Yes. You probably love dedushkas more, don’t you?

Buckwits:
Well, we do love babushkas. [single voice]


Chernovetsky: Okay, then. Do you love Kyivites?
Buckwits:
Yes!


Chernovetsky:
Do you love ORDINARY KYIVITES?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
DO YOU LOVE THEM OR NOT???

Buckwits:
Yeees, we do!


Chernovetsky:
Good, I love them too. What about Ukrainians?

Buckwits:
Yes! [some said no]


Chernovetsky:
Is Ukraine our motherland?

Buckwits:
Yeees!


Chernovetsky:
O-U-R MO-THER-LAND! We’re not going anywhere from here. Now look, I pray for Ukraine, for Kyivites, for ordinary people — whom I love more than my life — for my kids, for your kids…for my grandkids, for your grandkids. Today, they are destitute, their living standards are bad. Can the Mayor protect them — all over Ukraine?

Buckwits:
Yes!


Chernovetsky:
Can he or can he not?

Buckwits:
Yes, he can!


Chernovetsky:
Yes, he can!

Buckwits:
Yes, he can!


Chernovetsky:
Indeed, he can. It’s for real. Before age 40, I was destitute...like many Kyivites...but God gave me the opportunity to reach the shining top…which is called serving Him and nobody else but Him. [pause] Today, I don’t need money. I gave people a million times more than I ever took. And, every time, I pray and say: Lord [crosses himself], for everything I earn, for every kopiyka, I want to give back a thousand times more to every homeless boy, elderly babushka, elderly dedushka, to all Kyivites who are within their right to count on the fact that the Mayor has a heart, love for the people, and faith in God.

What can I say?



And then he sang that song again, this time using a song sheet.




Aside from the rallies and kindergartens, he also performs at St. Valentine’s Day parties.





If Yeltsin danced his way to reelection in 1996, why can’t he?


But if they love no one but Chernovetsky, how can they love Jesus Christ, let alone Oles Dovhy? It’s amazing how some people responded to the “do you love Ukrainians?” question. They probably don’t belong here.

Well, Chernovetsky certainly thinks he does belong here. Where else would he strike that much gold?

Plus, he clearly wants to be the ‘mayor of Ukraine’ so he can love us more and more and more — more than his life.

Just ask his wife.




Alina Aivazova, wife: He loves you! As the wife, I hereby certify this. He loves you! He loves you! And now I want to hear: Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova, wife: I kind of don’t get it. It seems you’re not loud enough. There are 50,000 people here, but I can’t hear every voice. Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova:
Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?

Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova: Then understand this: He loves you with a Godly love.



He should have fed them more buckwheat though.
In that swallow-regurgitate cosmochesis, he sounds more vocal than the buckwits.

Videos uploaded from:

http://tsn.ua
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113628.html

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

PinchukArtCentre Diversifies Into Politporn?

Look what they put on display at PinchukArtCentre.


Meet Blue Noses, the Russian art duo of Alexander Shaburov and
Vyacheslav Mizin.

Enjoy more of their works.



Click here for the rest, featuring Hillary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice, George Bush and others.

It's unclear whether PinchukArtCentre actually displayed the above two masterpieces. If they did, they certainly injected a dose of self-deprecation into the traditionally decadent environment there.

Putting Bill Clinton in the mix would be an asset to the collection.

Sources:

http://life.pravda.com.ua/interview/49992446664c8/
http://www.art4.ru/ru/news/news_detail.php?ID=3279
PinchukArtCentre © 2008. Фото: Сергей Ильин

Monday, February 16, 2009

Tymoshenko Ducks Criticism, Urges Womanliness

They dislike each other, but their wardrobes overlap. They deserve each other, and it shows.

On February 5, the Party of Regions called PM Yulia Tymoshenko on the carpet but failed to sack her. MP Hanna Herman (PRU) didn’t fail to ask her question.




MP Hanna Herman (PRU): Dear Yulia Volodymyrivna, you’re speaking very convincingly — a bit too loud, but very convincingly. It’s a shame you always speak untruths convincingly, Yulia Volodymyrivna. [draws catcalls] Now, I remember how, in October...I remember how, in October, you were convincing the entire Ukrainian people. Let me quote your words...that I will close the doors before the crisis and the crisis will never impact Ukraine. These are your words, Yulia Volodymyrivna. Please tell us: Was it the usual female light-headedness or a strategic mistake of the Premier?

PM Yulia Tymoshenko: You know, uh, Mrs. Herman, uh, what the problem is here. The problem is in the very low culture of the legislative corps, but that goes for one of its factions only, thank God. [draws applause] When an MP can hurl abuse, degrading words that, by the way, do not merit the title of “woman.” I just wanted to give you some advice, so that you stay a woman at all times. [draws applause; Herman tries to respond] Next question, please.


In this fish fight, Herman raised the gender issue in a satirical tone, focusing on Tymoshenko’s overconfident October quote: “The crisis is knocking, but we don’t have to open the door.”

Tymoshenko chose not to respond to Herman's criticism in substance. Instead, she carried Herman’s gender point further. She perfected it into an ad feminam argument: Being a woman matters more than being a professional, so the argument goes.

To meditate on Tymoshenko’s carefree womanpower concept, let me offer you collection of songs by professional women singers.













Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/112618.html
Original source: http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/en/index_en.htm

Friday, February 13, 2009

Ukrainian Air Forces Lack Fuel

It’s hard to be a top gun when you’re grounded.

Lack of funding makes the Ukrainian air forces practice what looks like “handjobs,” that is, handmade combat simulations.



On average, pilots get 9 flying hours per year, compared to NATO’s standard of 180-200.

No wonder the Obama administration appears to be backtracking from Obama’s October assessment of Ukraine as being ready for a Membership Action Plan.

Are we witnessing the rebirth of a Russia-first foreign policy, as articulated by Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY)?

As a person who grew up in a country that traded the world’s third-largest nuclear arsenal for chicken feed — and for a Chicken Kiev foreign policy — I guess I’m now behind the Ironic Curtain.




Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113491.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Obama No Longer Supports NATO Track for Ukraine?

Remember that? Now see this.

Kosmos Sings Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (Updated)

Not only does he compare himself to Midas, but he also appears to be moonstruck.

Ladies and gentlemen, babushkas and dedushkas, welcome the incredible Mayor of Kyiv, Leonid "Kosmos" Chernovetsky!



This is a cover version of a song by Mikhail Shufutinsky. One of its soul-searching verses rang a bell in my head. I took the liberty of translating it:

О чем-то дальнем, неземном (0:50, 1:04)
О чем-то близком, дорогом (0:56, 1:12)
Сгорая, плачут свечи
Сгорая, плачут свечи

Of something distant, not from Earth
Of something dear, very close
The candles here are crying
The candles here are crying


To me, it kind of echoes the refrain from "Pardonne-moi ce caprice d'enfant" ("Forgive Me This Childish Whim") by Mireille Mathieu.



Pardonne-moi ce caprice d'enfant
Pardonne-moi, reviens moi come avant
Je t'aime trop et je ne peux pas vivre sans toi

Forgive me this childish whim
Forgive me, come back to me as before
I love you too much and I can't live without you


Is that rip-off meant to comfort the poor heartbroken babushkas whom he wanted to rip off every time they visited a cemetery or a doctor?

Video uploaded from: http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/lounge/499408a0944d8
Original source: http://kievtv.com.ua

UPDATE
Never underestimate the power of singing! Following yesterday's collapse of his majority in the City Council, he mobilized a buckwit babushka rally on Friday, where he performed more of his sexy songs.




Video uploaded from: http://5.ua

Kosmos: "Everything I Touched Turned to Gold"

Once an asset in Yushchenko’s tug of war with Tymoshenko, the Kyiv mayor is now becoming a liability. (Now that the Presidential Election 2010 looms high.)

“He may be a bastard, but he’s our bastard,” so Yushchenko’s thinking went as he turned a blind eye to the massive land grabs and barbaric construction in Kyiv.

As if awaking from this induced coma, Yushchenko is now keeping a more watchful eye on Chernovetsky’s capers.

He has nixed the manifold utility hike for businesses, paid entry to cemeteries, and paid services at public HMOs. Moreover, Yushchenko’s chief of staff, Viktor Baloha, is threatening to fire Chernovetsky from the city state administration post. (Due to Kyiv’s special legal status, Chernovetsky holds two offices: mayoral, which reports to the City Council, and city state administration, which reports to the President.)

His throne shaking, Chernovetsky is now serenading Yushchenko, his onetime guardian angel, trying to appeal to the President's “better self.”



Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: Today, uh, the President intervened for me, because the administration [Baloha] already, uh, wants to replace me with someone else. Everywhere there’s treachery, abuse, and that’s no way to work. I work 24 hours a day like [Severodonetsk Mayor] Vladimir Emelyanovich* and I enjoy everything I do. Whether it works or not, Vladimir Emelyanovich, everything I touched always turned to gold.

*Name and patronymic transliterated from Russian


That’s right! We have a Midas of a mayor.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113166.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Watch More of the Yushchenko-Tymoshenko Duel

Enjoy a few more moments from the Tuesday meeting of the RNBO (Rada natsionalnoyi bezpeky i oborony, or National Security and Defense Council).



President Yushchenko: First, the gas price is raised unjustifiably high, then validol is administered: must be hard on you, eh? We’re giving you a boundless loan so that you can pay for what you can’t cover. Then, this loan must be repaid. The budget will not repay this money. It’s understood. The National Bank of Ukraine will say that it has a reserve limit below which it will not go. There’s only one way to service the debt of national state monopoly NAK Naftogaz: its bankruptcy...a bankruptcy with all the assets to be sold toward the settlement of the loan.

PM Tymoshenko: In fact, an attempt was made today — and it’s in progress now — to break all the direct agreements between NAK Naftogaz and Gazprom and to revert to the corrupt shadowy intermediaries RosUkrEnergo. Just in case, I want to tell you that the 11 billion cubic meters of [technological] gas that state enterprise NAK Naftogaz and the entire Ukraine obtained at a discount price of $159.3 — they now want, via an RNBO resolution, to return it to RosUkrEnergo, a private entity, from which they plan to make a profit of at least 4 billion dollars.


Interestingly, the RNBO website does not offer an English version (not even a crappy one) and yet boasts a highly creative English-language URL: http://www.rainbow.gov.ua.

At least, the penny-wise and dollar-stupid leprechauns in the government drop some hints as to the whereabouts of the proverbial pot of gold.


Video uploaded from:
http://obozrevatel.com/_site/src/test/news_video.aspx?_id=285318
Original source:
http://5.ua

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yushchenko Calls $5B Loan 'Molotov-Ribbentrop Protocol' (Updated)

Speaking at a national security meeting Tuesday, President Yushchenko breathed fire at PM Tymoshenko’s dealings with Russia and emphatically denied role in corrupt gas schemes.



I translated some of the juicy quotes (as originally quoted by Ukrayinska Pravda):

The hardest thing morally and psychologically is to comment on the fact that behind these two grand gas agreements a secret Molotov-Ribbentrop protocol was made, when it comes to the $5B loan on the part of Russia.

I find it revolting that, as part of the consultations, without the approval of the head of state, without the approval of parliament, the zero option is being considered.

See No. 11 where it says “the prospects of ratifying the zero option agreement.”

These are serious questions for the Ukrainian nation, ones that should not depend on the improvisation of one person, regardless of the person’s high rank.

The most cynical argument of the last few years was this: work without intermediaries. Should I say the government is working poorly, I get accused of being related to RosUkrEnergo.

I don’t want this, I’m sick of this. I was not involved in your stinky gas for a single day in my life — [it’s not true] that I had some sort of private interest in it, that either I or my family had some private interest in it! I have the honor to say this time and again.


“Not a single word of Mr. Yushchenko is true,” Tymoshenko struck back.

More quotes from Tymoshenko:

As Prime Minister, to cover the planned budget deficit, I contacted several countries to get loans as usual. Today, I’m having talks with all the countries, and all this hogwash that is being said about some zero options, about the betrayal of national interests — these are non-negotiables.

If we manage to agree with any country in the world, it will be just a simple loan agreement with a market interest rate.

I haven't seen it for the life of me. There’s no Prime Minister’s signature on it. I don’t know where these photocopies came from.


Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89393.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89395.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89399.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89401.htm
Video uploaded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113160.html

Original source:
http://5.ua

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Tymo Seeks $5B Loan from Russia to Plug Budget Holes



At a time when Russia is nearly suing Ukraine — thus eroding Tymoshenko’s reassurance that neither side would sue the other — Tymoshenko decides to borrow some money from Russia.

Instead of heeding the call to balance the budget, voiced by President Yushchenko and Finance Minister Pynzenyk, she takes her business elsewhere.


On Thursday, she sent a delegation to Moscow angling for a loan of $5B at an interest rate of LIBOR +8 to +9% for a period of 5 to 7 years, Dzerkalo Tyzhnia reports. Ukrayinska Pravda obtained a copy of the delegation's directives.

In Ukraine, the buck never stops. In Russia, they made big bucks during the oil boom. Like the IMF, they know what they want, and their interests never stop with the interest rate.


As a condition of granting the loan, Moscow requests the following:

  • Ratification of the so called “zero option” agreement whereby Russia assumes liability for all debts owed by the USSR while the other former Soviet republics abandon their respective claims on assets owned by the USSR
  • Resolution of disputes concerning Ukraine’s claims on Soviet property abroad and Russia’s claims on property in Ukraine
  • Recognition of debts owed by Ukrainian enterprises to Vneshekonombank as government debt

Is that too much to ask? Tymoshenko doesn’t think so.

So there she is, beating a path to Putin’s door, trading favors, and doing whatever it takes to get the presidency — whatever the cost.


It must have been the missing link in her Ukrainian Breakthrough program.

Tymoshenko has admitted to getting Russia's approval for the loan, but has denied accepting the conditions listed above.

"It's not true," she said, despite the “zero option” being clearly stated as No. 11 in the directives.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/7/89267.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/7/89279.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/7/89285.htm
http://www.dt.ua/2000/2020/65376/

Friday, February 06, 2009

Pynzenyk Memo Divides Cabinet

The Pynzenyk memo refers to a written wake-up call from Finance Minister Viktor Pynzenyk that extrapolates current economic data and warns of an impending economic meltdown.

Leaked to the media, the memo created negative publicity for Premier Tymoshenko and even inspired President Yushchenko to quote it in his recent address.

From day one, spokespersons for Tymoshenko have denied the memo's authenticity. And so did Vice Premier Oleksandr Turchynov, on Wednesday:


It surprises me when such a responsible person as the President draws his conclusions regarding the state of the budget based on reports from the Internet. I am not aware of any such official letter from the Minister of Finance, and that upon this letter, with such-and-such addressor and addressee, the head of state’s conclusions could be based. That is, [we’re dealing with] the Internet, that is, [we’re dealing with] some other opinion, which has nothing to do with reality or with what’s going on in the government.


However, at least two senior government officials had already confirmed the report, speaking on last Friday’s “Svoboda” talk show on Inter.

The “whistleblowers” are: Interior Minister Yuriy Lutsenko, who backs Tymoshenko, and Customs-Chief-Cum-Deputy-SBU-Director Valeriy Khoroshkovsky, backed by Yushchenko.




Interior Minister Yuriy Lutsenko: There’s nothing secret or extraordinary about this document. Every Cabinet member got one on their desk. Nobody forbade it from being sent, contrary to what some media outlets have written about it, and the way you’re now emphasizing the word secrecy is divorced from reality.

Talk show host: What’s your take on…

Lutsenko: It’s a working document of the Ministry of Finance, just like all other documents at the Ministry of the Interior, at the Ministry of Economy, and at the Ministry Transport.

Deputy SBU Director Valeriy Khorshkovsky: Yes, I’ve seen this memo. Moreover, we even discussed it with the Finance Minister, and I want to say that I even made certain amendments because some of the figures there were beyond my comprehension. Uh...it’s a real document...uh...frankly, I don’t know why it has stirred up such a commotion because, frankly, all that’s in there is a systemic look at all the problems that have been piling up during a rather long period of time.


So which one of them is not telling the truth?

Not only do they have conflicts of info in the Cabinet, but they also seem to have conflicts of interest.

Tymoshenko has admitted to “inviting” what she called “foreign investors” to participate in the Inter acquisition talks. Earlier, Khoroshkovsky, who calls himself the channel’s official owner, mentioned in an interview that Tymoshenko had expressed interest to buy Inter.

Khoroshkovsky, in his own words, had insisted that the money should be “clean,” citing transparency concerns arising from the channel’s IPO preparations. This requirement had upset Tymoshenko. “Actually, it was after this that talk of some investors began,” Khoroshkovsky said.

Tymoshenko links Inter to Firtash and accuses the channel of bias and propaganda, a claim not without foundation. Firtash owns an option to buy a 50% stake in U.A. Inter Media Group Limited, which controls Inter.

On Thursday, the Party of Regions, whose MPs have lobbied on behalf of RosUkrEnergo, failed to gather enough votes to sack Tymoshenko, after calling her on the carpet in the Verkhovna Rada.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/112160.html
Original source: http://inter.ua
Other sources:
http://www.epravda.com.ua/publications/497ee1f14c7d6/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/4/89079.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/3/89038.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/1/27/88590.htm

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Davos Meets Donbas: Bohatyryova Flashes $20K Watch


“Wearing a watch like this around here is de rigueur. Let’s not write about this subject because it’s uninteresting and mean.”

That’s what she told Serhiy Leshchenko of Ukrayinska Pravda.



Boy, did she wear that $20K Harry Winston watch at Davos!


Back in Ukraine, she likes Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Chanel. She drives a Porsche Cayenne.

Who is she? A celebrity?


No, a civil servant!

She serves as Secretary of the National Security and Defense Council. Before accepting Yushchenko’s job offer, she used to be a Party of Regions MP and, early in her career, a gynecologist.

In Ukraine, the road from rags to riches is often paved with civil service. Indeed, civil service works miracles in Ukraine. It makes them celebrities before they know it.



It makes it de rigueur for them to consume some of the world’s most expensive brands to run Europe’s second-to-last poorest country.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4989c45877d7d
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/471e01c9cc19e
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/2/88875.htm

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Kyiv Mayor Breaks Traffic Rules, Video Shows

With traffic laws getting tougher, many drivers have rediscovered safer driving, bringing accident rates down.

Still, the tougher laws don’t work for the tough guys (aka mazhory) who remain secure in the belief they can get away with murder. (The tougher laws certainly didn’t work for the tough Mercedes S600 guy who ignored traffic lights and hit a woman at full speed. The woman died. The driver, DUI, attempted to flee the scene.)


A non-lethal yet high-profile traffic violation case involves Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky, whose Rolls-Royce took the opposite lane — at least twice — while driving away from a restaurant.


STB caught the act on its candid camera and took the footage to the top brass at the DAI (spelled da-yi), the country’s highway patrol police.

Cop 1 detected three violations, for a total of Hr. 1,500 ($195) in fines, but added that the footage cannot be used as evidence. Cop 2 found two violations, punishable with a fine of Hr. 255-340 ($33-44), and said the footage must be examined for authenticity.


The DAI will report its ruling within 15 days.

Meanwhile, Mayor Chernovetsky orders cemeteries to charge entry fees and then raids kindergartens to sing “V lesu rodilas yolochka” in front of the cameras.





More
one law for all updates. Vitaliy Finegold, the Crimean mazhor who killed a 25-year old woman with his Bentley last summer, has been released from custody. Police claims putting Finegold under oath not to leave town, pending investigation of him as a witness, not as a suspect.

In a country where judges harvest bribes, the system holds very little justice for the likes of Finegold.


A week ago, a court in Lutsk summarily amnestied the sons of a Rivne Court of Appeals judge, after sentencing them to 48 and 54 months’ imprisonment for beating a man to death.

The court based its ruling on “extenuating circumstances”: the younger defendant was a minor at the time of the crime, the older defender has two children.

Videos uploaded from:
http://kiev.pravda.com.ua/news/49788149d4ba5/

http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/112177.html
Original sources:
http://stb.ua
http://5.ua

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Maj. Melnychenko: "Bill Clinton Lobbies for Pinchuk’s Interests"


“Joschka Fischer directly lobbies for Berezovsky’s interests, just as Bill Clinton lobbies for Pinchuk’s interests.”

The quote comes from Mykola Melnychenko’s recent interview with Obozrevatel.
I translated a portion of it:


Obozrevatel: Did Tymoshenko really have other coalition options?

Melnychenko: In all objectivity, my argument is with Yushchenko, too. How could the President use one hand to appoint the PM and use the other hand to put spokes in her wheels??? Unfortunately, as of today, I don’t see in what role Yushchenko can go down in Ukraine’s history. As a reformer? No. As a person who did something outstanding? No. He only has one chance left: He can be remembered as the ruler who took the Kuchma case to its logical conclusion. It’s not just the journalist’s murder. The Gongadze case and the Melnychenko recordings is a wide range of crimes committed by Kuchma and his team.

It is necessary that the Kuchma family repay its debt to the people, give back the stolen billions. As of 2000, this family had a net worth of $8 billion dollars. At that time, Kyiv’s entire housing market was worth that much. Now, using the money stolen from the people, Pinchuk [Kuchma's son-in-law] buys Bill Clinton from the U.S., wholesale with his wife Hillary, the current U.S. Secretary of State. What kind of policy will the States now frame toward Ukraine? Do we need a U.S. foreign policy toward Ukraine edited by Viktor Pinchuk? I’m sure we don’t. Therefore, the Melnychenko recordings provide the legal mechanism not only for confiscating the Kuchma family’s illegal possessions, but also for reducing the international pressure on our country.

However, one should seize the moment. Eight years is quite a bit of procrastination.

By the way, tests of the recordings began as late as the end of last year through no fault of our Genprokuratura [short for Generalna Prokuratura, Office of the Prosecutor General]. In the past, the stalling was done by…the FBI. The thing is, in 2007, when the Genprokuratura agreed to an international test, the FBI agreed to conduct it. They did agree, but it didn’t go any further.

Obozrevatel: You mean, it was Pinchuk’s American lobby, the Clintons, who pulled the strings?

Melnychenko: Definitely, yes. In summer 2008, it appeared as if the FBI finally agreed and, in July, I was to give them the recordings. However, an interesting thing happened: The FBI suddenly refused to conduct the test. So, I can’t blame our Genprokuratura for procrastinating since 2007. They spent more than a year in talks with the FBI, and we ended up being led around by our noses. When the FBI refused, the Genprokuratura found new experts and finally progress was made. Let me emphasize that it was by pure coincidence that the test’s beginning came with the appointment of Volodymyr Lytvyn as speaker.


Mykola Melnychenko is the mysterious man who served on Kuchma’s security detail in the rank of major and claims to have bugged his office. The resulting recordings, first made public in fall 2000, possibly implicate Kuchma in the Gongadze murder and countless other crimes.

In his recent stream of allegations, Melnychenko alleges that, in 2004, Lytvyn had a role in a quid pro quo deal pondered by Putin and Kuchma, key backers of Yanukovych. Once it became apparent that Yushchenko would win the election, the two tried to work out an exit strategy.

The would-be deal, Melnychenko says, would have guaranteed Kuchma’s safe retirement and immunity from prosecution had Kuchma not interfered in the election process.

After Yushchenko became president — catapulted to power by the Orange Revolution — his administration chose not to pursue Kuchma. Nor did it choose to pursue Kuchma-era crimes whatsoever, thus breaking Yushchenko’s key campaign promise: “The bandits will sit in prison.”

This, along with other broken promises, deeply alienated Yushchenko supporters, not to mention Maj. Melnychenko. “Only recently did I become convinced that Yushchenko’s entourage was playing its own dirty game,” the Major added.

Obviously, not all of Melnychenko’s allegations add up. Theories abound on his agenda.

That said, it would be interesting to hear the U.S. Department of State comment on the Clinton-Pinchuk connection. The two saw each other at Davos, didn’t they? What did they talk about? Was it another $5M?

As Secretary Clinton struggles to repay a campaign debt of $6M, I hope she does a better job in U.S.-Ukrainian relations — better than a copy-paste job from her husband’s May 12, 1995, speech:

But your efforts will not be in vain, because the course is right, even if the path is difficult. The toil is bitter, but the harvest is sweet, as the old Proverb says. In time, your transformation will deliver better, more prosperous lives and the chance for you and your children to realize your God-given potential. You and your children will reap the harvest of today's sacrifices.

In the pursuit of peace and prosperity, you have been well-served by President Kuchma and his government's bold and farsighted leadership. You should know this: As you build your future, the United States will stand with you.

For America, support for an independent Ukraine secure in its recognized borders is not only a matter of sympathy, it is a matter of our national interest as well. We look to the day when a democratic and prosperous Ukraine is America's full political and economic partner in a bulwark of stability in Europe.


Sources:
http://obozrevatel.com/news/2009/1/30/283055.htm