Welcome to My Humble Abode!

As “people all over Ukraine struggle to make both ends meet” — the truth championed in a recent Party of Regions ad — some people obviously defy the order of the day. Their luxury lifestyles know no end.

Ukrayinska Pravda takes a closer look at a privately-owned Black Sea summer house where Yanuk stops by. Breathtaking, isn’t it? In 2005, according to his publicly available tax returns, Yanukovych made 38,000 hryvnias, or $7,525. Had the guy not blown his cover, this information should have put international food relief organizations on alert.

Check out Tymo’s residence, which she, in her own words, rents.

Pinchuk’s Eurotalk

"Я не впевнений, що в кінці дороги євроінтеграції ми повинні вступити до ЄС, але ми повинні пройти цей шлях".

“I’m not sure that having come to the end of the EU integration road, we should join the EU, yet go to the distance we should.”


"Без цієї моркви - вступу до ЄС – неможливо примусити провести реформи в Україні", - додав Пінчук”.

“Without this carrot — that is, EU accession — it would be impossible to pass reform in Ukraine.”


“Ми будемо такі круті, що самі вибиратимемо, з ким об’єднуватися".

“[Once we’re there] we’ll be so cool that it will be up to us to choose who to associate with.”


"Його роль у євроінтеграції України дуже важлива. Він позитивно ставиться до України і за вчорашній день воно покращилося"

“His [Schröder’s] role in Ukraine’s EU integration is very important. He is positive on Ukraine, and since yesterday his stance has improved.”


"Я вважаю Партію регіонів прихильником європейської інтеграції. Вони це багаторазово декларували, але я особисто це відчуваю і в цьому переконаний".

“I consider the Party of Regions a supporter of [Ukraine’s] EU integration. They have repeatedly stated that, but I personally feel it and am convinced of it.”

Source: http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/6/30/60955.htm

Talking Eurotalk: Pinchuk Brings Prominent Leaders to Yalta to Discuss Ukraine's Accession Prospects

The Yalta European Strategy (YES), a loose alliance of “friends of Ukraine” among Western political elites is holding its fourth annual meeting in Yalta.

This Black Sea resort, known as the cradle of the Cold War, has become something of an ego spa for billionaire Viktor Pinchuk to bask in favorable publicity. It is there that former president Kuchma’s son-in-law surrounds himself with the glitterati and cognoscenti to celebrate his chronic graduation from localcrat to cosmocrat, using YES as a public relations conduit.

Founded in 2003 under the aegis of the Pinchuk Foundation, YES sprang to life on the eve of Kryvorizhstal’s heavily discounted privatization and Ukraine’s rigged presidential election. So, yes, the timing tells it all. And so does the branding choice, if you apply an ounce of Freudian analysis to it. Considering Kuchma’s role in shaping Ukrainians’ travel opportunities and treatment abroad, the YES brand projects a tremendous sense of black humor.

No wonder Pinchuk’s pet project has been a "Eurotalkathon:" an organization with no quantifiable objectives and no progress reports.

What’s in the pipeline for Ukraine? This year we hear Kwaśniewski talk of 2020 as the most realistic EU accession date for Ukraine; we marvel at Schröder’s undying passion for GasPutin; we meditate on Clinton’s pep talk.

Clinton seems to have thoroughly repressed the memory of the cheerleader act he pulled for Kuchma during his May 1995 visit to Kyiv. Here’s a quote from a speech he delivered at Taras Shevchenko University:

In the pursuit of peace and prosperity, you have been well-served by President Kuchma and his government's bold and farsighted leadership. You should know this: As you build your future, the United States will stand with you.

Sounds prophetic, doesn’t it? Well, this time he joked about importing Ukrainian budgeting talent to solve America’s deficit problem. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. President.

Sources: http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/6/28/60934.htm

Yanukovych Upsets Putin by Taking Seat a Bit Too Early

While meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin Thursday, Ukrainian PM Viktor Yanukovych stoked up his collection of faux pas with yet another spicy edition.

As the two leaders took to the table, our man Yanukovych cut Putin short, landing his own rear end first, in gross violation of diplomatic protocol. This unauthorized seating sequence visibly disturbed Putin, Ukrayinkska Pravda writes, quoting a report in Komersant.

We always hurt the ones we love. But wait a minute, what if it was a carefully planned reprisal for Putin’s premature congratulations and the infamous candy rejection scene?

Short of that, one can see piles of work left undone by the K Street consultants who have coached Yanukovych during the last few years.

Ukraine Makes IPO Debut on London Stock Exchange

Ukrainian ore enrichment giant Ferrexepo plc, owned by MP Kostyantyn Zhevago, BYuT, Wednesday introduced Ukrainian equity to the London IPO market. Since the stock began trading, the company’s market capitalization has reached ₤848 m, up 40 percent from its opening price.

Ferrexpo’s IPO, a groundbreaking event for Ukraine, marks a positive trend in its economy: a tradeoff between cost of capital and asset control. As Ukrainian chaebols flock to Western financial markets, they give up a portion of control over what has been a closely held economy bolstered by a hot commodity market. The Ukrainian economy is entering a post-privatization stage, one in which the laundry list of inefficiencies inherited from the Soviet era will not be tolerated.

With the right mix of public pressure and government policy, the trend promises to put a "restraining order" on business and politics to keep a healthy distance between each other. This, in turn, will put Ukraine on the right track, ensuring a climate shift toward social responsibility and innovation.

The change in the game will accelerate Ukraine’s diversification into hi-tech, value-added industries — a knowledge economy that will raise living standards.

Source: http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/6/20/60609.htm

“Circle of Life” or “Circle of Lies?”
Elton John Feat. The Kuchma Family Perform at Maidan

As part of his global campaign against the AIDS epidemic, Sir Elton John visited Kyiv, where, on Saturday night, he gave a concert. He camped at Maidan Nezalezhnosti (or Independence Square), the heart of the now-comatose Orange Revolution.

Approximately one percent of Ukraine’s population of 46 million are HIV-positive. Every day, some 49 Ukrainians contract the virus, which puts Ukraine in the ranks of European “leaders” in this death race.

Ironically, the author of the “Candle in the Wind” was brought here by marketing communications whiz Olena Franchuk and billionaire Viktor Pinchuk, former president Kuchma’s daughter and son-in-law, respectively. These two high net worth individuals have gotten into the habit of posing as “philanthropists” in a country impoverished by Kuchma’s favoritism-driven privatization policies, which made Ukraine a fertile ground for AIDS.

The show kicked off with AIDS awareness ads by Elton John and David Beckham, followed by a feature film “starring” the incredible Olena Franchuk, head of the local Anti-AIDS foundation. Throughout the film, Kuchma’s daughter made passionate overtures to HIV-positive children. Using slice-of-death scenes, she took pains to help her fellow Ukrainians get a hold of the problem.

Elton John, hardly a guru on who’s who in Ukraine, referred to Franchuk and Pinchuk as “friends” and even dedicated a song to them. He also threw the in front of Ukraine [Soviet-era usage] and related to the audience with Russian spasibo instead of Ukrainian dyakuyu.

This made him sound like he could have used some expert advice from Daddy Kuchma's "national bestseller," Ukraine Is Not Russia. By the way, Daddy K did attend the event. However, sharing the VIP sector with President Yushchenko made him an unlikely candidate to “feel the love tonight.”

The show went well and the public responded energetically, even though the playlist did not include a good many hits like “A Word In Spanish,” “Simple Life,” “Made In England,” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight.” Unlike first lady Kateryna Yushchenko, who, being born into a Ukrainian American family, studied the stage with lively interest, President Yushchenko sat tight through the whole show.

“Circle of Life,” Elton John’s valedictory song, watered my eyes, engulfing me in an emotionally intense flashback. The Lion King (1994) soundtrack is one of the theme songs of my teen experience of growing up in Kuchma’s Ukraine. As a member of the global MTV Generation, I passed my TOEFL test in 1994, at age 14. That same year, Leo II (Kuchma) became “king” of Ukraine.

Now that I’ve grown up in what has become an AIDS-stricken country, I find Elton John’s commitment praiseworthy. He remains one of the world’s greatest artists and an honorary citizen of my teen world.

But there’s the other side to this sentimental moment of truth: His “friends” belong to the unstoppable and untouchable caste of Ukraine’s oligarchy, whose footprint has impressed AIDS into the social fabric of society.

In practical terms, though, Ukrainians must assume primary responsibility for protecting themselves against AIDS, a disease they contracted through Kuchma’s corrupt rule. At the end of the day, we only have ourselves to rely on in getting the “Circle of Lies” syndrome out of our system. There’s no other way we can live our lives to the fullest in the true “Circle of Life.”


Circle Of Life

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There's more to be seen than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done

Some say eat or be eaten
Some say Live and let live
But all are agreed as they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give

CHORUS:
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, in the circle of life

Some of us fall by the wayside
And some of us soar to the stars
And some of us sail through our troubles
And some have to live with the scars

There's far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

CHORUS REPEATS

http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/elton_john/circle_of_life/

P.S. Before he closed the show, Elton John redeemed himself by speaking a little Ukrainian: “Zupynymo SNID razom!” (“Let’s stop AIDS together!”)

Persona Non Grata Aleksandr Dugin on Ukraine

Оранжевый цвет - цвет растафарианизма, афро-наркотического мессианизма. Он вызывает психотропное воздействие. Показательно, что это цвет отсутствует в традиционной иконописи - его химический характер указывает на синтетические процессы, химию и галлюциногенные наркотики. Оранжевый - цвет т.н. "психоделической революции" и "лигалайз"-культуры. Обычно на оранжевом фоне изображаются стебли марихуаны.

Ющенко обращается к молодежи: "курни, браток", больше не надо будет работать. Это почти африканский стиль карго-культа - новая Украина мыслится как страна "делай, что захочешь!", а будешь жить как в Голландии. По сути это ультралиберальная программа. Ничего из этого, естественно, не получится, Украина станет глубокой и нищей периферией, кстати, ее скорее всего ни в какую Европу и не возьмут, так что "оранжевые" фанаты будут смиренно пить оставшийся от великой советской эпохи вагонный денатурат.

Orange is the color of Rastafarianism, or Afro-drug-induced Messianism. It produces a mind-altering effect. It is noteworthy that this color is missing in traditional icon art: Its chemical makeup points to synthetic processes, to chemistry and to hallucinogenic narcotics. Orange is the color of the “psychedelic revolution” and of the “legalize” culture. Orange customarily supplies the background to depictions of marijuana.

Yushchenko speaks to the youth: “Smoke a joint, pal.” You won’t have to work anymore. It almost strikes as the African style of the cargo cult: a new Ukraine being thought up as the country of do-as-you-please. And yet you'll only end up living like they do in Holland. Essentially, it’s an ultraliberal agenda. Naturally, nothing will come out of it: Ukraine will become a lowdown and destitute peripheral entity. By the way, most likely it won’t be accepted into Europe, so the orange fans will be sheepishly drinking Soviet-era industrial alcohol.


Янукович символ стрэйт. Т.е. недалекого натурала с сильными "полубандитскими" наклонностями. Он не сулит обновления, если под обновлением понимать смену пола. Янукович стал пророссийским и евразийским кандидатом во многом против своей воли. Силой геополитической логики. И он сам явно не до конца осознает своей функции. Но в эсхатологических ситуациях порой разбойник и простец могут стать мучениками за идею и предводителями финального восстания. Чем быстрее Янукович осознает глубину этой миссии - пусть через систему своих донецких понятий - тем адекватнее он будет вести себя в дальнейшим. В принципе ему открыта славная дорога борьбы с мировым злом в лице оранжевого урода, марионетки Запада.

Януковичу надо становиться сейчас во главе восстания Евразии против Атлантики. На нем сгустились тучи великой войны континентов. И там где прогнется парт-функционер или генерал из пацифистов, может быть - дай Бог! - рецидивист с парой ходок станет стеной. Янукович - это избранный сосуд эсхатологичсекого чуда. Но сущность чуда в том, что оно происходит очень редко. Только в чрезвычайных обстоятельствах. Но сейчас партия Януковича - это партия Абсолютного Света, евразийская версия "Хезболлы" - "партии Бога".

Yanukovych symbolizes the straight man, that is, a heterosexual person with a strong “semi-thuggish” propensity. He promises no renewal, if by renewal we mean sex reassignment. To a great extent, Yanukovych became the pro-Russian and Eurasian candidate against his will. Enter the forces of geopolitical logic. Obviously, he does not fully realize his function. But in eschatological situations it is sometimes the robber and the simpleton who becomes the martyr for the cause and the leader of the final showdown. The sooner Yanukovych realizes the depth of his mission — may it even be via his Donetsk mob culture — the more adequately he will behave in the future. Basically, he has an open road of glory before him in the struggle against the world’s evil represented by the Orange Ogre, a puppet of the West.

Yanukovych should now take the reigns of Eurasia’s revolt against both sides of the Atlantic. The clouds of the war of continents are heavy upon him. And whereas, the party functionary or the general of pacifism will cave in, the habitual criminal who served time, it is probable — God willing — will become a bulwark. Yanukovych is the chosen jar of an eschatological miracle. But the gist of this miracle is that it happens quite rarely. It only happens under an extraordinary set of circumstances. But as of today the party of Yanukovych is the party of the Absolute Light, the Eurasian version of Hezbollah, the Party of God.

Source: http://www.evrazia.org/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2138

Russia Tumbai, or Political Crossdressing — PRU Style

«Общеизвестно: американцы - лучшие маркетологи в мире. Не сделать таких профессионалов частью команды - просто глупо. Кто лучше других раскроет плюсы предлагаемого социального пакета? Кто лучше объяснит макроэкономические показатели? С Партией регионов на выборах будет работать команда, состоящая из лучших специалистов, которые есть в мире”.

"We all know Americans are the best marketing talent in the world. Failure to make these professionals part of the team would simply be stupid. Who can best spell out the major selling points of the social contract we offer? Who can best explain the macroeconomic indicators? In this election campaign, the Party of Regions will be working with a team that has on its board the best talent in the world."

— MP Borys Kolesnikov, PRU

Source: http://www.grani.kiev.ua/exp.php?ni=16821&type=2

P.S. Puts a whole new spin on that "Yankees go home!" business, doesn't it?

Caught in Crossfire of Cold War II
Putin Blasts ‘Tyranny in Ukraine;' Adviser to Yushchenko Persona Non Grata in Russia

A lingering political crisis still grips Ukraine. Over the last few weeks, we have witnessed a Serduchka-caliber performance by Yanukovych, who is now something of a drag queen for elections, acting in consort with diehard naysayer Moroz. We’ve also seen Yushchenko covering his bases with yet a third decree, which cements the agreed election date at Sep. 30.

Russia, whose presidential campaign kicks into gear amid historically high tensions with the West, has refused to be a passive observer in Ukraine’s internal affairs. Cold War II, Putin’s successor strategy, thrives on the phantom fear of NATO aggression. Among experts, there’s an industry-wide interpretation of it being a propaganda ploy with which to galvanize Russian society along the lines of anti-Americanism and Pax Sovietica nostalgia. The tagline, therefore, should read something like this: “They've got us surrounded. What are we, a bunch of suckers?”

The script appears to be simple and stupid:

Step one, brainwashing. Convince the Russian public that NATO, acting through its ‘puppet regimes’ in Ukraine, Georgia, and the Baltics, plots Russia’s total destruction.

Step two, solution-selling. Peddle “Baby Putin” as the one and only superman capable of saving Russia from this axis of evil.

By arousing patriotic sentiment at home, the Kremlin has successfully diverted attention from its routine business of siphoning gas and oil revenue to offshore banks. Educating the West on the virtues of Russian democracy has been a hard sell, though.

In his recent remarks — a melange of self-deprecating posturing and sarcasm — Putin joked about having spiritual ties with Mahatma Gandhi, whose death he said left him ‘with no one to talk to.’ To make it even more funny, he went on to picture himself as a ‘democrat of the purest kind,’ one whose hopes have been dashed by Ukraine’s ‘drift toward tyranny.’

Recently, Mr. GasPutin, as he is often nicknamed, has re-energized his rhetoric about ‘Ukraine living off cheap Russian energy.’ More heat came Tuesday when Russian authorities denied Mykola Zhulynsky entry to the country, preventing Yushchenko’s adviser and former Ukrainian minister of culture from visiting his relatives’ grave.

The incident opens another chapter in the persona non grata warfare between Ukraine and Russia. Zhulynsky, a moderate nationalist whose views pose as big a threat to Russia as French cultural protectionism would do to Hollywood, was picked as the target of a diplomatic reprisal. It turns out Ukraine had incurred the wrath of the Kremlin when it had blacklisted Aleksandr Dugin, the famous Russian political scientist with a neo-imperialist agenda.

For a country frequented by high-profile foreign politicos who treat its independence with disdain and publicly challenge its territorial integrity, Ukraine has shown a profound degree of tolerance and hospitality. Few countries would tolerate that sort of behavior on their soil.

Unlike Vladimir Zhirinovsky and Konstantin Zatulin, whose persona non grata status has recently expired, allowing them to test Ukraine’s patience again, Mykola Zhulynsky carried no bag of tricks with him. Ukrainian foreign affairs minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk has vowed to raise the issue with Russian leadership.

Medvedko Redux As Parliament Hammers Out Election Legislation

Thoroughly disappointed with the Piskun experiment, President Yushchenko has reinstated Oleksander Medvedko as Prosecutor General. Despite frictions, the Verkhovna Rada on Friday worked until midnight to pass the required legislation.

Breaking (Belated) News: Yushchenko, Yanukovych, Moroz Set Final Elections Date to Sep. 30

In the early hours of Sunday, with most Ukrainians fast asleep, our leaders came to a settlement on the elections issue. In a major concession on the part of Yushchenko, the settlement pushes the date down to the end of the summer vacation season.

Photo courtesy of Ukrayinska Pravda

A Soap Opera Turned Action Movie?
All Is Not Quiet As Kyiv Celebrates Its 1522nd Anniversary

Piskun’s noncompliance with Yushchenko’s decision has injected a dose of adrenaline into an otherwise boring, flatline wrangle over the elections.

Prosecutor Piskun, excommunicated from his powers at a time when Yanukovych most needs him, became a cause celbre for the Coalition, which came to his rescue with police forces under its command.

Interior Minister Tsushko did not hesitate to intervene for his pal. Once at the scene, he and his Berkut task force squeezed out the State Security operatives involved in Piskun’s eviction.

Even though both sides continue trading threats and recriminations, no blood has been shed. Negotiations between President Yushchenko and PM Yanukovych continue at the Office of the President, where the National Security and Defense Council meets in frequent sessions.

Recently Yushchenko issued a decree through which he assumed command of the Internal Troops (the local equivalent of the National Guard). On Yushchenko’s orders, several IT detachments are being currently deployed to Kyiv as a deterrent force against PRU hotshots eager to play with fire.

Amusingly, highway patrolmen, who take orders from Minister Tsushko have obstructed their movement. (This funny picture simply doesn’t add up to the Coalition’s apocalyptic imagery in which Yushchenko poses as a dictator-to-be. Mr. President, you’re failing your dictatorship exam.)

The situation deteriorated when Yanukovych broke his election promise and began leading Yushchenko around by the nose. In his new stratagem, he has banked on Piskun’s unwillingness to take on Justice Stanik and has stuck to his guns in the Constitutional Court.

With that in mind, we must help Yanukovych pocket his pranks. We must help Moroz get back on earth. We must send a clear message to those high-net-worth individuals from Donetsk: If this thing spins out of control, you will not leave the country.

We also must be on guard against false-flag terrorism. Let’s not spoil this sunny weekend of Kyiv anniversary celebrations.

Piskun Gets His One-Way Ticket to the Moon

Svaytoslav Piskun, Ukraine’s perennial prosecutor general, lost his job today. His third term in office lasted but a few weeks until it was terminated by the President, ostensibly on the grounds of violating a regulation that prohibits Cabinet members from holding multiple offices. (Piskun has not relinquished his MP mandate.)

Still, a more objective cause of dismissal would be political disloyalty. Contrary to what had been expected, the comeback arrangement didn’t work out. Once appointed, Piskun did little to distance himself from the Party of Rogues, thus becoming a huge disappointment for Yushchenko.

The eviction procedure, not yet finalized, featured a scuffle between the Yushchenko-controlled State Security Service and the Yanukovych-controlled Berkut riot police.

Key recent appointments:

• Ivan Plyushch, former Speaker of the Verkhovna Rada, became Secretary of the National Security and Defense Council
• Oleksander Turchynov, Tymo’s right-hand man, assumed the post of Deputy Secretary of the NSDC
• Valeriy Heletey, head of law enforcement liaison at the Secretariat of the President, took charge of the State Security Service

$200 Knee Surgery Takes Yanukovych to Spain on Private Jet Worth $7,000-12,000 per Hour

Having sustained a tennis trauma that reportedly costs about $200 to repair locally, Yanukovych instead opted for royal treatment sponsored by his friends, writes Obkom, the Ukrainian blog. Not bad for a country with a GDP per capita of about 8K (PPP)? To carry the point further, he and his wife live on a per capita monthly income of $700. Well, that’s what his personal income statement says. (You’re not buying any of this, are you?)

Señor Yanukovych’s passion for Spanish surgical craftsmanship adds yet another episode to his burgeoning catalog of splashy, Paris Hilton-like appearances, which includes

• a voyage to Athens on a luxurious cruise liner as head of the Ukrainian delegation to the 2004 Olympics

• a pair of designer shoes worth $1,285 in which he extravagantly set foot on the floor the Council of Europe

So what’s the difference? Paris Hilton ends up with a few weeks jail time for DUI and our man remains on the loose. He’s unstoppable and untouchable.

Shape-Shifting & Sharp-Shooting
Tymo Sides with Sarko; Blasts Moro, Yanuk in Controversial Joke

Following a “flexitime” accord between Yushchenko and Yanukovych, Tymoshenko has produced two riveting soundbites that could well be considered as an opening to her campaign.

In the first one, whether impromptu or not, she expressed solidarity with Nicolas Sarkozy, obviously targeting a well educated audience familiar with the intricacies of the French presidential election. That audience, in light of her recent containment drive, may also include her can club in Washington.

Most likely, her passionate overture hasn’t registered with the wider Ukrainian audience. Brushing off any notion of girlpower, Tymo made a cautions attempt to reposition from left-of-center to right-of-center. Her case offers yet another testimony of the grotesque levels of ideological volatility present in Ukrainian politics. (I’m sure the unfavorable endorsement did little to impact Ségolène Royal's chances.)

Having come out of the closet, she indulged in a fable-like joke that mixed sex with politics. Ukrayinska Pravda has the details.

Білочка і зайчик покохали один одного і створили родину. І почали жити, кохати один одного, а діти не народжуються. І вони пішли до мудрої сови і питають: "Що нам робити? Ми білочка і зайчик створили родину, а діти не народжуються. Це чому? Тому що ми такі різні, ми білочка і зайчик?". А сова подивилася і каже: "Ні! Тому що ви обидва хлопчики.

То я хочу вам сказати, що поєднувати те, що не поєднується, неможливо. Ні шансу, ні природного шляху немає. І завжди закінчується відсутністю дітей, шановні друзі.

A squirrel and a rabbit fell in love and started a family. And so they started living together, loving each other, but alas, no kids. And so they came to the wise owl for advice, asking, “What shall we do? We, squirrel and rabbit, have started a family but no children are born to us. Why? Is it because we’re so different — we, squirrel and rabbit?” The owl looked and said, “No, it’s because you’re boys.”

So I want to tell you that joining together what can’t be joined is impossible. There’s no chance, nor is there any natural way. And it always ends in an absence of kids, dear friends.

The joke provoked a roar of laughter from the reporters who attended her press conference. By American standards, of course, this kind of anthropomorphism would be termed as politically incorrect or outright homophobic.

In response to a question regarding the creation of a single opposition bloc, she quipped, “Things are not so bad since we have at least one girl here.” Sounds just as funny, doesn’t it? (If we take into account her opposition to the single bloc idea, and, even more so, if get to the bottom of that biopolitical — and self-deprecating — allegory she used.)

Breaking News: Yushchenko, Yanukovych Reach Compromise; Parliamentary Elections Will Be Held Within 60 Days of Required Legislation's Passage

Yushchenko Fires Stanik, Pshenychny for Unprofessional Conduct

President Yushchenko Tuesday discharged two Constitutional Court Justices for “breach of oath,” as stated in his decree. According to the Secretariat of the President, Deputy Chief Justice Valery Pshenychny overstepped his authority when he assigned Justice Susanna Stanik to the task of preparing the briefs on the dissolution case. Justice Stanik remains under investigation on charges of bribery.

Maidan 2.3: Yushchenko Reports for Duty, Calls for Opposition Unity

The third edition of this year’s Maidan became Yushchenko’s debut. The President came to talk to us about his faith in new elections.

With a sharper-toothed decree, which reschedules them and reinforces his case in the Constitutional Court, he projected optimism, if not confidence. The people who gathered at Yevropeiska Ploshcha, many of them from other towns, responded gladly. (Click here to watch the video.)

My batteries started dying on me, and I had to give them frequent rests to keep them alive. Yet, amid high attendance, that mishap didn’t affect my mood.

The President’s message to the opposition: Bury the hatchet. Build a single bloc. Don’t cannibalize each other’s ratings.

As the rally drew to a close, it started raining lightly. A group of opposition supporters headed for the Counter-Maidan and streamed past it unobstructed, with 0.0 casualties. Sorry, Mr. Yanukovych, no civil war. Just a civil walk.

Yushchenko Reschedules Elections, Reinforces Decree

In a surprise and concise address to the nation on Wednesday night, President Yushchenko announced his decision to hold the elections on June 24, not May 27 as his previous decree stated. He thereby rescinded his April 2 dissolution decree, replacing it with one that contains stronger constitutional language.

Filled with numerous citations, it comes as a smart move that offers the voters a better explanation of where both sides of the conflict stand. The punch line remains unchanged: The coalition has violated the choice made by the voters in the last election, and thus has violated their constitutional rights.

So, “it ain’t over till it’s over,” as the saying goes, meaning that the coalition has to do it over again. Only this time the Yanukovych lobby in the Constitutional Court will probably have a harder time derailing Yushchenko’s case.

As today’s session of the unruly Rada opened — on a day that marks the 21st anniversary of the Chernobyl disaster — the guys there didn’t look quite as happy as they did a few days ago. The luster and confidence they exuded has tarnished. The practice of licking one’s lips in front of the camera — peppering the audience with spoilers on how the pet Court will bomb Yushchenko into submission — has come to a hiatus.

Stanik’s Hubby Prefers to Change Subject in Interview on Wife’s Possessions

Vadym Dolganov, the local king of Big Brother reporting known as Dolganovism, ran state television during Kuchma's second term in a manner similar to that depicted in The Running Man, the action movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dolganovism was a time when the media’s dystopian grip on Ukrainian society reached its apogee. But there’s more to this person than his career. Dolganov also happens to be the husband of Constitutional Court Justice Susanna Stanik, whose septuagenarian mother, Oksana Antoshko, has been found by the SBU to be in possession of real estate worth $12 mn.

In a live interview on Channel 5 Tuesday, Mr. Dolganov tried to seize the night by alluding that he has been approached by opposition leaders who sought a favorable court opinion from his wife and were willing to pay for it. However, he refused to specify his claims. The ball was in his court when the host confronted him with documental proof — utility bills charged to Stanik’s mother seized as evidence from apartment mailboxes. From then on, Dolganov’s studio conduct became evasive, if not bizarre.

First, he emphatically denied any relationship whatsoever to the apartments under investigation. But then, as he grew irritated, he called the questioning an invasion of privacy, insisting that the host lacked the authority to ask such intrusive questions. Further efforts to extract comments from Mr. Dolganov failed.
Instead, Stanik’s hubby used the opportunity to polish his diversion technique. He started reading from a newspaper, highlighting events unrelated to the subject, such as celebrations of Hitler’s birthday by local neo-Nazis, whom he obviously tried to marry to the opposition. (On closer observation, however, many of these events turn out to have been organized by Russian supremacist cells operating on Ukrainian soil. )

Well done, Mr. Dolganov. This is SO you.

Maidan 2.2: Still Going Strong; Slams Court’s Makeup, Cabinet’s Conduct
Against all meteorological odds — up until showtime, it rained cats and dogs — Maidan 2.2 mobilized itself on Friday, at Yevropeiska Ploshcha (European Square), our makeshift venue. One could look at it as the long-awaited service pack for the Mar. 31 edition. On that day, we had rekindled the spirit of Maidan, only to be followed by weeks of silence stemming from our leaders’ stay-at-home school of thought.

Yevropeiska Ploshcha, our next best alternative, has its historical roots in events leading up to the Orange Revolution. We flocked to a place where, on Sep. 18, 2004, presidential candidate Yushchenko held his first rally since his yet unsolved Sep. 5 poisoning. A lot has changed since then. Yushchenko and Tymoshenko, our heroes, overpromised and underdelivered. Moroz and Kinakh, our darlings, changed their views. And we, the mortals, merely allowed ourselves to swap venues. (Yanukovych, our only source of stability, too, overpromised and underdelivered, but he doesn’t seem to like the idea of power changing hands.)

These days, Yanukovych supporters hang out at Maidan Nezalezhnosti (Independence Square), the geographic epicenter of the good old Maidan of ‘04/05. Ironically, it is there that they painstakingly try to recreate the spitting image of the very institution they’ve been slinging mud at all these years.

It rained intermittently throughout most of the day, and on my way to the metro I got soaked wet. As I braved the pouring rain, I couldn’t help but paint a dim picture. With the weight of the clouds heavy upon me, I steeped myself in a heart-wrenching calculus, as I expected attendance to be abysmal. All through my underground journey, I thought of what a sad sight Maidan must be. I visualized a lonely place, a murder scene.

These emotions grew ever more intense with scores of homebound Blue brothers moving down the escalator at Maidan Nezalezhnosti Station. But when I emerged at my point of destination, I witnessed a miracle! Not only did the sun come shining brightly, but so did the Orange crowd. I wasn’t the only one with the will to carry on.

My doubts dried up and my spirits soared. And then I almost wet myself. When studying the Blue Maidan from across the street, I heard — you’re gonna love this — Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling In Love.” So here I am, at the height of my curiosity, caught off guard by Elvis’s crooning of his lovesong. (Click here to watch the video.) I couldn’t believe my ears. Hey, what about Panslavic solidarity?! It turned out Yanuk, Russia’s best friend, had left the stage minutes ago, and the DJs there were throwing a dance party, shamelessly experimenting with repertoire. Those pervs! You can’t leave them for a second. Once you leave them to their own devices, they burst into a NATO song.

This rare episode of latent love for Western civilization added a comic edge to the much-publicized rant by would-be First Lady’s Lyudmila Yanukovych, who alleged that Orange revolutionaries wore American-made valenki and consumed oranges syringed with mind-altering substances. Worst of all, it evoked memories of the ubiquitous Yanukovych ‘04 campaign big board that read “Tomu shcho poslidovny.” (“For he is consistent”) Consistent with that immortal message, I wonder what was next on their playlist. Was it U2’s “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me?” Or was it Status Quo’s “You’re In The Army Now?” (From 1958 to 1960, Elvis Presley served at a U.S. military base in Germany.)

I decided I had more important things to do than to stay and find out. To prevent full contact, police cordoned off the two Maidans. Thankfully, they didn’t employ Draconian security measures. I made it safely through Checkpoint Charlie, or should I say Checkpoint Cherno, and joined my folks. It felt so good to be around folks like yourself, who kept flooding European Square. Given the misery of my rain experience earlier in the day, never in my wildest dreams had I imagined so much sunshine, so many flags, and so many friendly faces. (Click here to watch the video.)

After a bunch of Limp Bizkit-like bands warmed up the public, the incredible duet between Taras Petrynenko and Tetyana Horobets stole the show. (Click here to watch the video.) The late 80s-early 90s songs they customarily perform at Orange events, rich in melody and vocals, make up the theme of Ukraine’s struggle for independence during perestroika. Every time I listen to them, I get a flurry of flashbacks that make me feel some sixteen years younger. I remember Gorby and Bush Sr. singing in unison, trying to mend the pieces of a broken evil empire. I remember those August ’91 Rukh rallies, when I stood with my dad outside the Rada chanting well-rhymed and sharp-witted spoof slogans like “Hi zhyveh KaPaEsEs na Chornobylskiy AhEs!” (“Long live our CPSU, may Chernobyl be with you!”)

Anyway, at about 7 pm, our heroes mounted the stage: Tymoshenko of BYuT, Kyrylenko of NSNU, and Lutsenko of Narodna Samo’oborona. All present and accounted for, they took turns in delivering a progress report on the current crisis. Tymo focused on the Constitutional Court’s political breakdown. According to her scan, of the eighteen Justices, we could count on only five. (Click here to watch the video.) She didn’t fail to mention Kuchma’s rising fortunes. Aside from producing yet another masterpiece, “After Maidan,” the former president got his pension perks back a few days ago — a good supplement to his memoir-writing business. (One of Yushchenko’s first decisions was to trim Kuchma’s overblown retirement package.) At the same time, Kuchma’s son-in-law, Viktor Pinchuk, got his NZF plant back thanks to the High Court’s recent reversal of its own decision.

Kyrylenko and Lutsenko told us how, by self-canceling their parliamentary mandates, BYuT and NSNU have burned bridges and thus have ensured the “survivability” of new elections. They blasted the Cabinet’s sabotage of the dissolution decree and urged supporters to stand their ground, adding that the only acceptable compromise would be to have the elections rescheduled. One could hardly discover anything new in those messages, but the meeting itself was an important communication that helped the people connect with their leaders.

Now that the case is pending in the limbo of a possibly corrupt Constitutional Court, there is no reason to be ecstatic. The issue of legitimacy, propelled by the Stanik Affair, gives rise to a high degree of uncertainty as to whether the Court’s decision will be accepted by both sides. Some consider an out-of-court settlement to be the most viable, win-win solution in the battle of two Viktors. However, in the betrayal-ridden culture of Ukrainian negotiations, the line between a settlement and self-delusion is very thin.

As always, the meeting closed with Taras Petrynenko’s “Ukraina,” our country’s unofficial anthem. And as its final chords fell on Yevropeiska Ploshcha, people walked away into Friday night with that “show must go on” feeling.

Police Use Force to Secure Entrance to Constitutional Court

A fracas occurred Wednesday morning as opposition supporters tried to barricade the Constitutional Court Building, Ukrainska Pravda reports.

To gain entry, police forcibly removed protesters, including several Orange MPs. Local prosecution authorities have threatened criminal proceedings.

Former BYuT campaign manager Mykhailo Brodsky accused Tymoshenko of an attempt to bribe Justices.

Good news for soccer fans: Ukraine and Poland won the right to host the Euro 2012, leaving Italy, the top candidate, deeply surprised.

Justice-for-Hire?

As the court battle of two Viktors opens this Tuesday, the SBU went public with the results of its background checks on Justice Susanna Stanik, according to which her mother has recently become the proud owner of $12 mn worth of real estate.

Bribery, the lifeblood of Ukrainian institutions, has long been manifest in luxurious suburban mansions that have mushroomed grossly out of proportion to their dwellers' salaries. When legalizing their trophies, bribe takers often put relatives on registration forms to mask their true identity.

In this regard, the Stanik Affair appears to be an attempt to challenge the credentials of a Justice tasked with preparing the briefs on the case. Stanik, who denies the allegations, has promised legal action against the SBU. The Office of the Prosecutor General, a Yanukovych-friendly organization, sided with Stanik, citing a lack of evidence. The SBU, a Yushchenko-friendly organization, should be ready to deliver on that account.

It all began when Realna Politika came up with the alleged transcript of a 2004 conversation between Susanna Stanik and Olena Lukash, the front woman on Yanukovych’s legal panel. In that dialogue, the two appear to be engaged in an important discussion of the Orange Revolution’s outcome.

Lukash, now Deputy Minister of Justice, outlined her business proposition to Stanik, a Kuchma appointee, on a first-name basis. She asked Stanik to endorse Yanukovych publicly and to pull a few strings for him using her connections in the High Court.

(Do not confuse the High Court, which had jurisdiction over the election fraud case, with the Constitutional Court, which handles the dissolution case. These are two separate courts, as Ukraine does not have a single supreme court.)

The story clearly falls into the kompromat, or political blackmail, category. Remember, we a wiretapped nation. For better or worse, our politicians have a passion for spying on each other. Ukraine has a rich kompromat culture in which highly sensitive intelligence leaks were used for the purpose of persuasion/dissuasion.

The cold shower Yanukovych took at the Council of Europe hearings could be compared with the cold shoulder treatment accorded to Yushchenko by the European Commission’s hands-off policy of ‘stability and democracy,’ as framed by President José Barroso.

Meanwhile, the opposition has urged Yushchenko to recall his appointees on concerns of the Court's pro-Yanukovych bias and corruption. To be continued.

Just Another Mismaidan

What happened yesterday can best be summed up in the words of a popular Ukrainian folk tune, which I took the liberty of translating into English:

Ya pryishov, tebe nemah (Я прийшов, тебе нема)
Pidmanula, pidvela (Підманула, підвела)

I was there, but you were not
Fooled my soul and broke my heart

Earth to ‘mom,’ earth to ‘mom,’ your communication strategy needs a rethink. No, wait, I got it, you’re moonlighting at the Counter-Maidan. They didn’t show up either

Maidan 2.1 Still on Standby, Counter-Maidan Still Sucks

Wednesday turned out to be quieter than most Kyivites had imagined. The Orange Maidan, now situated at European Square, continues hibernating, without much mobilization since the March 31 reunion. Tymo, AWOL, seems to be preoccupied with the elections.

The Blue Maidan, sighted at daytime Independence Square, continues hallucinating, without quite reaching the heights it claimed it will. 'Smart camera' flyovers used in live broadcasts on state television controlled by Yanukovych make it look bigger than it really is. Stripped of this fake bakery, the Counter-Maidan has a more modest, part-time look.

Attendance patterns and population density vary substantially. The pictures — if you keep an eye on them throughout the day — speak for themselves:

http://1plus1.tv/video/camera.php

In retrospect, one could argue jokingly that while in 2004/05 we Maidaners expected T-84s to run over our dead bodies, in 2007 we could run those T-84s without hurting a fly.

Of course, it’s a bad joke. The tanks are the hallmark of Moroz’s apocalyptic imagery, which he maladaptively spoonfeeds to the public on an almost hourly basis.

In fact, as of today, a clear vision is nowhere to be found. Confusion surrounds the Constitutional Court and the Central Election Commission. A cadre of five Justices, all of them presidential appointees, has reportedly abstained from participating in the hearings, citing pressure from Yanukovych. Meanwhile, Communist and Socialist appointees to the Central Election Commission remain on a ‘sick leave,’ effectively killing the quorum.

Hardly an hour passes without a cycle of recriminations, as each side attempts to cover its bases by blowing the whistle on the other. The Orange ones, especially the stay-at-home mom of Ukrainian democracy, should do a better job of keeping in touch with their voters. Come out of your shell, will ya?

Moroz Indahouse, Unready to Let Go
Ukraine’s Ghost Parliament Vows to End Party Shopping as Constitutional Court Prepares to Rule on Issue

In a bid to put the pressure on the President, the disbanded Verkhovna Rada, which refuses to comply and still meets in session presided by Speaker Oleksander Moroz, has made a concession.

On Friday, the Coalition of National ImpUnity adopted a rule that could have saved its ass during last-ditch negotiations with Yushchenko. It should be noted that, according to polls, Moroz and his Socialist Party (SPU) stand little chance of re-election. The prospect of early retirement keeps him in high gear, fighting till the bitter end.

But now it appears to be too late. The train has left the station. For Yushchenko to change his mind would be akin to political suicide. He would effectively derail and disembowel whatever is left of his credentials. This condition would in turn invite the Coalition to reverse its decision at its convenience some time later. Mr. President, if you want to buy a ticket to your political funeral, go ahead. The vultures are waiting.

The Counter-Maidan has experienced incremental growth, but still falls far behind Maidan 2004/05 numbers. Neither the show they have staged there nor the showdown itself offers a perfect historical parallel. People come to Kyiv for both ideological and financial reasons, the latter arguably being more prevalent. It’s no secret that the Regionalists have to use hired labor to compensate for the deficit of true-Blue supporters.

In a country with a per capita GDP of about 8K (PPP), participating in political tourism, on a daily allowance of ten bucks, can be a good way to spend one’s spring break and to chase one’s small-town blues away. But it can hardly put the spark back into the lives of those students who, upon graduation, will not find a job that corresponds to their education.

The good thing is, Kyiv is a place where urban legends meet reality. After spending a few days here, many Donetskites discover, much to their surprise, that no one gives them a dirty look when they speak Russian. During the Orange Revolution, the media in eastern Ukraine painted Kyiv as a hornet’s nest of nationalism where Russian speakers risked having their throats slit.

In the largely Orange Kyiv, public sentiment toward the Blue brothers vacillates between indifference and curiosity. Angry outbursts have not been reported.

There remains a high degree of uncertainty as to what the Constitutional Court has in store. Even more so, there seems to be no win-win solution in what the Coalition has to offer.

Buildup Continues, Not Critical

Pravda reports an estimated ten thousand PRU-SPU-CPU supporters at Maidan. Traffic has been blocked.

If we take into account the empty nest in Maryinsky Park, that number will give us Yanukovych’s “net working capital.” OK, let them blow off some steam, but let’s not fall asleep at the switch. We should be ready to get our own show on the road.

Constitutional Court Has Dissolution Case on Its Docket

The Court has agreed to rule on the issue, without specifying a time frame.

Tymo Urges Supporters to Stay at Home?

Amid today’s controversial reports, one is somewhat disturbing. Tymo has called on Maidaners to stay out of Maidan, which, by the way, is not being reconvened yet, as previously reported.

As a few hundred Yanukovych supporters cruise around Maidan, Tymo tells us to prepare for new elections, saying the “job is done.” Well, is it? Shouldn’t we be on guard against creative countermeasures?

Holovaty, Go to Hell!

Turncoats Inc has a new playmate: Serhiy Holovaty, a former BYuT and NSNU member, a star constitutional lawyer affiliated with the Council of Europe, and a three-time Justice Minister.

Yushchenko’s “unconstitutional” behavior obviously found him in the midst of assuming his fourth ministership — at the Yanukovych Cabinet. Speaking before the Rada on Tuesday, he couched his neverending disgruntlement in Biblical terms, equating current events with the work of the Devil.

(Mr, Holovaty, the Coalition of National ImpUnity has hired you as a legal eagle — or perhaps it’s better to say as an Easter bunny — to take its case to the Council of Europe, is that correct? Well, don’t forget to mention how badly your guardian angels wanted those 300 seats in Ukraine’s legislature! And if you still want them, come and get them. You’re free to do that. That’s what elections are for.)

Meanwhile, the stage at Maidan (Independence Square) is being reassembled. Small numbers of Yanukovych supporters have been trying to secure the area. Maidan 2 reconvenes shortly.

“Stability” Strikes Back
Parliament, Half-Dead/Half-Alive, Throws Poison Pills at Yushchenko

As a creative countermeasure to Yushchenko’s decision, the Coalition of National ImpUnity squatting in the Verkhovna Rada has voted to re-impanel the Central Election Commission whom the High Court of Ukraine had found guilty of massive election fraud that had sparked the Orange Revolution in winter 2004/05. Tells a whole lot about the value proposition of "stability," doesn’t it?

In spring 2005, chairman Serhiy Kivalov and his henchmen walked — thanks to an overgenerous pardon policy that cost Yushchenko dearly. From then on, in the eyes of his supporters, President Yushchenko walked with a limp, a condition from which he has started to recover only yesterday.

The Yanukovych Cabinet is doing its own share of stonewalling. It has declared Yushchenko’s decision unconstitutional and has publicly refused to allocate funding for new elections, scheduled for May 27.

Breaking News: Yushchenko Dissolves Parliament ¡Adios Amigos!

He did it! The Coalition of National ImpUnity has met in emergency session and is expected to pull a meditative allnighter.

Maidan 2: Better Than Expected, to Be Continued

The spring sequel to the Orange Revolution came out clean and drew an audience that approached the early days of the winter 2004-05 protests. The mode was different: no sit-ins or tents — just the people and the stage. And yet the mood was very much the same: we came together again and we were as one.

Only this time, we Kyivites made it our mission to be there right from the start. We supplied the lion’s share of the audience. It was our way of saying hello to ChernoCo — the City Hall's pluto-kleptocratic practices — definitely a key mobilizing factor in Maidan 2. A mayor who challenges freedom of assembly in court is a mayor who fears his own people. Do we need that kind of mayor?

Main characters on stage: Tymoshenko of BYuT, Kyrylenko of NSNU, and Lutsenko of Narodna Samo’oborona.

Message to the people: “Yes, we’ve made mistakes and we don’t deserve your praise. But if we are to get this country back on the right track, we should act together.”

Message to the President: “Just do it!”

By that time, Yushchenko had already issued an ultimatum to the Coalition of National ImpUnity: “Stop party-shopping, give back what’s not yours or face disbandment.” (Technically speaking, this means that the so-called imperative mandate must be extended to the Verkhovna Rada on a retroactive basis.)

The Counter-Maidan, just a block away, was mostly attended by people shuttled in from eastern Ukraine. They broke camp in Maryinsky Park in front of the Cabinet building, where they plan to stay for two weeks.

Police behaved blamelessly and exhibited a hilarious sense of humor. Specifically, the MoI gives the following rally attendance estimates: Maidan 2, from 25 to 27 thousand; Counter-Maidan, from 30 to 35 thousand. Quite frankly, that’s one of the best April 1 jokes I’ve ever heard! Less humorous and more objective observers would have to admit that, at the very least, “we” outnumbered “them” 3 to 1.

The Coalition has promised to take their case to the Constitutional Court in the event the President disbands parliament. (It might also attempt procrastination techniques aimed at probing the staying power of Maidan 2, along with efforts to augment the Counter-Maidan.)

Despite no known incidents of violence or vandalism, “blood” is one of the most frequently used words in the VIP vocabulary of the Counter-Maidan. The message that decorates the stage reads: “A United Ukraine Is Our Future.” This may look a little bizarre considering the typical punch line in the speeches delivered there. And here’s how it usually happens. A speaker mounts the stage, he or she starts talking stability, and, all of a sudden, there’s blood all over the place — “blood this” and “blood that.”

Dear Coalitionists of National ImpUnity, don’t you “blood” us! If blood is all you got on your mind, get on the plane and get out of the country. Take your scaremongering fantasy with you. We want none of your blood business.

The situation will clear up in the next 72 hours. But even before it does, it’s already clear that settling on the imperative mandate as a compromise measure is a surefire road to disaster. By giving Yanukovych and his con artists another chance, Yushchenko will compromise this country’s future and will automatically qualify for No. 1 target of Maidan 3.

Insofar as he grasps these extreme possibilities, the odds are in our favor. President Yushchenko and NSNU have a unique opportunity to win back some of the support they’ve pissed away since Maidan 1. Maidan 2 reconvenes on Monday.

Maidan 2 in the Making?

Unless it’s just another hoax, a number of telltale signs suggest that mass mobilization has begun.

Speaking at a press conference today, Yushchenko stated his willingness to take appropriate action to defend Ukrainians’ constitutional rights. A draft directive to dissolve parliament arrived at the Vice Speaker’s desk during an emergency session of the Anticrisis Coalition.

Reports began to emerge of train and busloads of Donetskites being shipped to Kyiv. Rounded up at their workplaces, they will provide ground support for the PRU’s Friday forum “A United Ukraine is Our Future” (read: no Coalition of ImpUnity, no future for Ukraine). This event is designed as a counterweight to the first meeting of the National Rescue Committee to be held on the same day. The opposition rally will be held on Saturday, the day the NSNU convention opens. Tymo cut her French trip short to take part in the events.

Is this the real thing or just an extreme point in Yu’s bargaining with Ya? Stay tuned and you’ll find out.

Kurochkin Killed

Russian mobster Maxim Kurochkin, aka “Mad Max,” was shot dead today outside a Kyiv courthouse by sniper gunfire from a nearby high-rise building. Police are looking for the gunman. A police officer was wounded.

Kurochkin, famous for his business interests in Kyiv and Dnipropetrovsk, was standing trial on charges of extortion, after being arrested on arrival in Kyiv on Nov. 20 last year. During the 2004 presidential campaign, he had presided over the Russian Club, a Kyiv-based lobbyist lounge with a clear pro-Yanukovych orientation.

At today’s hearings, Kurochkin made an emotional plea to the court, stating “I don’t want to die. Let me go.” Ukrainian news agencies also quote Kurochkin, minutes before his death, as saying, “I’ve done my job and I do not regret coming to Ukraine.”

His death comes two weeks after a highway shooting on the outskirts of Kyiv reportedly left several associates of his in a car sprayed with bullets.

Coalition of National ImpUnity v. National RescYu Committee
Ya Paranoid About Lu; Ty Optimistic About Yu

A duel of press conferences held in rapid succession on Friday had Ukraine’s heavyweights speak their minds.

Yanukovych took pains to impress us with something so pompous that even shamans of “guided democracy” like Putin would puke at it. Speaking before an audience of some 579 accredited reporters, Yanukovych unveiled a smoking pot of plans that included the following:

• Keeping Lutsenko off the streets of Kyiv for the sake of “peace and stability”
• Rebranding the Anticrisis Coalition to that of National Unity (read: ImpUnity)
• Buying a 2/3 constitutional majority stake in the Rada (read: prostitutional majority)
• Using that majority to make Russian a second official language

Having digested the best of Donbas cuisine, we tuned our stomachs to a different set of ingredients. Tymo went about her business by:

• Appealing to the President’s better self and offering herself as an alter ego
• Citing legal technicalities for Yu to disband the Rada, adding that he has no other choice
• Maintaining a positive emphasis and rekindling the spirit of Maidan
• Announcing the re-establishment of Maidan’s National Rescue Committee

At a time when the Coalition of National ImpUnity puts talk shows off the air and disenfranchises millions of Ukrainians, the President has no right to be a bystander. This country is getting ripe for a rescue operation.