Tymoshenko Awakens to Abuses of Power (Not Her Own)

When I hop from rally to rally, Sleeping Beauty never shows up.

In fact, her party supports a law that I rallied against.

But when her gas cronies get busted, she cries blue murder.



That’s one hell of a “need to protest” mode.

Video embedded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/163378.html

Yanukovych to Rewrite Constitution

I, Viktor II, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully rewrite the Constitution of Ukraine back to the Leonid II model that suits me.

So help me $.

Yanukovych: Adopted in 1996, the Constitution of Ukraine, in its key tenets, has passed the test of time. In terms of defining human freedoms and rights it is regarded as one of the most progressive in the world. That said, the state-building experience over the years that have passed since the adoption of the supreme law of the land, has proven that the Constitution of Ukraine under modern dynamic historical conditions needs certain changes. Some of its norms, namely those hastily adopted in 2004, have become a cause of loss of balance and profound government crisis, and thus an object of criticism from within the country and from the international community. At the same time, I want to emphasize: Rectifying the current shortcomings — the constitutional improvement process — must in no way become a political act. It is a serious change of social relations that has to rest on the will of the people, reflect today’s reality, and define the state’s progress in general.

2:09-3:23

Once again, I greet all compatriots on the Constitution Day of Ukraine. I wish you concord, peace and goodness. May the upholding of the constitutional norms and the unwavering protection of human rights and freedoms become a guarantee of the successful development of the Ukrainian state, the strengthening of humanism and the supremacy of law in our land.

4:07-4:31

Now that Medvedev signed up for the “Terminator 2” remake, how about a “Red Heat” one?

We’ve got plenty of Viktors in Ukraine, some with priors.



Or maybe something less dramatic?



Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/25/5174432
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16956.phtml

Tymoshenko Spoofed as Naked Singer

She’s resting.



That’s how some people see things now that she left the national spotlight.

Reports of her opposition activity have been scarce. She hasn't appeared on political talk shows in weeks.

Her daughter is definitely resting.











Approved by the National Morality Board and Bearcats European Strategy.



Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/163086.html http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/photos/4c1f78de50866/
http://www.blik.ua/component/option,com_ponygallery/Itemid,51/func,viewcategory/catid,1153/
http://dusia.telekritika.ua/Tussje-Mussje/13931
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16785/person_id/1.phtml

Azarov Keen on ‘Cheating Our Population’ (Freudian Slip)

Machiavelli meets Malthus meets Freud.

PM Azarov: We have everything! And the laws too... There’s only one thing missing: the very system...that allows...[glances down]...cheating our population, our people...and none of the officials bears any responsibility for this.

Official translation: We have everything. And we have the laws. We don’t possess only one thing - the system itself. Another «system» is functioning that allows deceive our people and none of the officials bears any responsibility for this.

We do have that system, Mr. Azarov! And it doesn't get lost in translation.

Promise: deregulate, lower taxes
Practice: raise taxes for small businesses, kill the outsourcing industry

Promise: “wild capitalism” over
Practice: Luhanskteplovoz re-grabitized at half the market price

Promise: make seniors happy
Practice: raise the retirement age to 65

Life expectancy at birth (UN)
Men: 62.1
Women: 73.8
Country rank: 123 out of 195

Defined benefit pension gap
1990: 8.6
2009: 84.6

Population
1992: 52.24
2010: 45.89 (April)




All systems go!



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/162457.html
Original source: http://ictv.ua

Kids Praise Yanukovych in Soviet-Style Song (Full Version)

Welcome to another Lost Generation! ☭owered by Cradle-to-Grave Brainwahing $olutions™.

Now that I have the full version, let me take the liberty to translate the refrain, rhyme by rhyme.



Uncle Vitya, strong and powerful
Uncle Vitya, an uncle who can rule
Uncle Vitya, an uncle who's heaven-sent
Uncle Vitya Yanukovych, a smart president

Hey girls, you forgot “Uncle Lyosha, a smart prosecutor.”

I mean Oleksiy Bahanets, the Lviv oblast prosecutor who uses a $100K Lexus CX 470, with a police license plate that the police can’t identify.

Every Friday, according to Express.ua, that Lexus gets loaded with bagfuls of something that travels from Lviv to Kyiv.










Uncle Lyosha calls the story an “invasion of privacy” and wants the reporters disciplined.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he's just an honest man who owes his fortune to “Climbing for Dollars.”



Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/news/4c19c4a598492/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/17/5150341/
http://www.expres.ua/main/2010/06/10/37753

Over 100 Protest Bill Abridging Freedom of Assembly

Using their bodies as letters, over 100 activists said ТАК (yes) to freedom of assembly and НІ (no) to legislation meant to restrict it.

The proposed bill would require protesters to post a 4-day notice prior to holding a protest.

Hundreds rallied against the bill Monday in major cities across Ukraine.

They named the rally “Вихід з демократії. Пароль: 2450.” (“Exiting Democracy. Password: 2450.”), referring to the bill’s registration number.

In Kyiv, the rally proceeded from Maidan Nezalezhnosti to the Verkhovna Rada and ended with the announcement that hearings will be postponed until next week.

If you’re a fan of FEMEN, stay tuned.

At a small but vocal rally, Sasha and Inna, the two vinok-clad ladies, protested passionately and often stole the spotlight. (Just as they did last Friday on Inter.)

Make a Promise, Break a Promise (Yes, He Can — All in 1 Day!)

With a few dozen protesters sealed behind a massive police cordon, the 100 Days of Yanucracy gala went without much incident.

Until Yanukovych spoke to the reporters, that is.

Audaciously, they cornered him on his campaign promise to let them tour his fantabulous Mezhyhirya principality.

Caught up in a non-cherry-picked environment, Yanukovych unleashed the full force of the kick-the-cat syndrome on Herman, his big-mouth helicopter mom.

Her attempts to mother him from that environment only made things worse. To every reporter that surrounded him, he promised the bus ride of a lifetime: 5 buses x 60 people in each. Destination: Mezhyhirya.

And boy did he take them for a ride!

Yanukovych: Hanna Mykhailivna...[starts looking around for her]...have this organized. How...how...how many?
Herman [keeps blabbering]:

Yanukovych [gets angry]: No, wa...wait, listen, just listen to me, just listen to me please!
Herman [stops blabbering]:

Yanukovych: How many? 50? A bus? Two? Three? Have five buses organized. I have no objections, no objections. Five buses. 60 people in each.
Herman: As you wish.

Yanukovych: But...but...bu...
Herman: We don’t let the president down around here.

Yanukovych [gets angry again]: Just...lis...Hanya, just let me do the talking! Yes. Just keep in mind that I’ve got one and a half hectares down there, of which I’m an owner. The rest is prohibited...no trespassing. One and a half, one and a half hectares of my property. It is to this one and a half hectares that I’m inviting you. You’ll be walking, you’ll be working. I’m o...open.

Reporters [ask him about who owns the rest]:
Yanukovych: Eh? There’s an owner.

Reporters: Who?
Yanukovych: You know everything [reporters burst into laughter].

Reporters: Your relatives?
Yanukovych: He knows more...more...

Reporters: A London-based firm...
Yanukovych: ...more than I do! Maybe those are your relatives? I don’t know. [laughter] Most probably, yours. What do you mean ‘why’?

Herman: OK, Viktor Fedorovych, we’ll have this organized [phony as hell].
Yanukovych: Eh? I don’t know [responds to a question].

Herman: Thank you!

No sooner had Yanukovych promised to, well, keep his campaign promise than Herman canceled it.

She said the president had an important international meeting to attend. Half an hour later, he made his way back to Mezhyhirya.

And guess what? That’s where the meeting was supposed to take place, according to Herman.

I look forward to having them both appear in Lie To Me, Season 3.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/5/5112172/
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16599/person_id/1.phtml

100 Days of Yanucracy Address (Best Quotes)

On June 3, Ukraine marked 100 days of Yanucracy. So what do we have?

Raped Constitution? Check. Reinforced oligarchy? Check. Semi-muzzled opposition? Check. Kremlin-controlled Ukraine? Check.

The man who made so much happen in so little time deserves a pat on the back from his friends, doesn’t he? That’s why he threw that party in the Ukraine Palace.

A hundred peaceful protesters who dared to rain on his parade, in violation of a court order, became virtually invisible behind a cordon of riot police.

Yanukovych addressed the nation in a bout of extreme bullshitmania.

The incomplete state of market transformations that stopped halfway due to political wars and primitive populism triggered the development of a certain “wild capitalism” where entrepreneurship coexists with bureaucracy, and government resources, for a long time, were redistributed as in socialist times — on the basis of nepotism, favoritism and “political protectionism.”

Strong government is made strong by its opposition.

I want to assure all the skeptics and critics: The oligarchs, lobbyists and other influence groups will, so to speak, stand in the “common line.” I will not allow any side influence on government decisions. The “wild capitalism” times ended with the 2010 election.

Any idea what the “common line” means?

Does it mean Yanukovych will post that $7M gain on the sale of real estate? Does it mean he will renegotiate his $40/hectare Mezhyhirya monthly rent in an open bid?

Does it mean Herman will get rid of her new $58K diamond watch? (Twice her annual income, as far as her tax returns can tell.)





Does it mean Herman's son will quit his lucrative mother-knows-best job and his $15K outfit?















Sources:

http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/3/5102989/

http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/06/3/5106277/
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/161030.html
http://www.1tv.com.ua
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/4/5106665/ http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/3/5105978/ http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/06/4/5106665/ http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4c079eb6b66a2/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4c10b2ffdc93d/

FEMEN Breast Protest Pokes Fun at Azarov

Hardly a week passes by without FEMEN doing boobs and circuses.

This week, they target PM Azarov's broken Ukrainian, rampant misgovernment and outrageous sexism.

Specifically, they elaborate on the PM’s hilariously mangled version of the Ukrainian word for bloodsuckers that he uttered last week in a finger-pointing speech.



He should have said кровососи (krovososy) but came out with кровосісі (krovosisi), which sounds like bloody titties.

FEMEN, in turn, seized the opportunity to produce a collection of mock body art, enshrouded in feminine mystique.







Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/66090.html
http://www.youtube.com/user/FEMENmovement
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/focus/4c0e3b6836199/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/06/2/5099399/

5-Year Olds Sing Yanukovych Songs, Soviet-Style

Ever heard one of those Soviet kids' songs that idolize the Great Leader?

Well, here’s a fresh one. Welcome Ukraine's not-so-unlikely 2011 Eurovision entry!

Uncle Vitya
Strong and big

Uncle Vitya
There’s no one like him
Uncle Vitya Yanukovych
A smart president

Reporter [asks in Russian]: Who is a president?
Girl [responds with a Ukrainian-inflected и]: Yanukovych.

Reporter [continues in Russian]: What does he do?
Girl [responds in Russian]: He tells...all the people...what to do.

Courtesy of: Barbie Jazz, a children’s ensemble that brings back the good old days of Stalin’s personality cult.

There’s a romantic side to this. It turns out the director of the Luhansk-based ensemble admires Yanukovych’s grandsons and would love to have them marry his girls.

Hey girls, looks like you have your gender work cut out for you, in a couple of five-year plans!

Could one of these blasts from the past do an album with you, feat. Uncle Vitya?



Debut single suggestion: “Woman, Step Aside Please” (feat. Azarov)



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/161058.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua
Collage: http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16482/person_id/1.phtml

Over 100 Journalists March Against Censorship

“Some say I’m going nowhere, but it’s better than standing still,” as one song goes.



Event: Марш за свободу слова (Freedom of Speech March)

Date: Sunday, Jun. 6, 2010

Venue: Maidan Nezalezhnosti>Cabinet>Verkhovna Rada>Presidential Administration

Who came: Over 100 people, most of them journalists, including big names such as Serhiy Leshchenko, Mustafa Nayem, Tetyana Chornovil, Roman Skrypin et al.

FEMEN Masquerades as Journalist-Beating Riot Police

FEMEN goes after visibility at the expense of credibility.





I'd love to watch you gatecrash that 100 Days of Yanucracy party at the Ukraine Palace:)

I applaud some of your attention-grabbing protests. Still, I believe your over-reliance on boobs-and-circuses limits your appeal and protest value.

Many people think you girls just wanna have fun.



By the way, a non-FEMEN mock protest took place outside the Russian Embassy a few days ago.



Videos uploaded/embedded from:
http://www.youtube.com/user/FEMENmovement
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/161057.html
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/160628.html
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/160280.html
Original sources:
http://tvi.ua

Goons, Police Clash With Park Defenders in Kharkiv

Reform #6: Barbaric construction? Yes, we can!



From Kyiv to Kharkiv, it’s all the same.

Step 1: Construction company buys whatever land permits it can.

Step 2: Construction company hires goons and police.

Step 3: Goons and police clash with activists.

Gorky Park, Kharkiv, May 28: Chanting “Militsiya z narodom!” (“The police are with the people), activists try to appeal to police officers’ better selves.

So much for the Orange Revolution slogan. Unmoved, the police start making arrests. A woman gets hysterical: “What ‘people’ are you talking about? They’re grabbing you!”

2:47: “It’s not a construction site! It’s a park, man,” insists one activist.
8:42: An activist gets quietly robbed by a fast-fingered goon.
9:92: With the bulldozer already running, an activist concludes in dismay: “It’s called ‘Ukraine for the People.’”

Protests resumed amid chopped trees. People sang, bonded and grieved, sharing ideas, slogans and poetry.



Jun 2: Cops for construction continue arresting peaceful activists, in a blatant violation of their freedom of assembly rights.





Maybe the second edition of The Audacity of Hope will mention Kharkiv, too?

(The first one mentions Donetsk 1 time, Kiev [sic] 2 times and Ukraine 10 times.)

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/160523.html
http://maidan.org.ua

Student Dies in Police Custody

Ihor Indylo died one night shy of his 20th anniversary.



He and a friend had a little drink at the dorm in the evening. As the two parted, Ihor had an argument with an on-campus police officer and ended up escorted to the Shevchenko rayon police precinct.

Later in the evening, the faculty pleaded with the officer to let him out for the night. The officer declined, saying Ihor was misbehaving at the precinct and would be detained for three days.

As Channel 1+1 found out, ambulances had rushed to the precinct four times during the night but had refused to hospitalize Ihor. In the morning, the faculty called Ihor’s parents to tell them they could take their son’s body home.

The police side of the story: Dead-drunk and unruly, Ihor fell and hurt himself. Three times.



However, the autopsy report somewhat contradicts that account, Channel 1+1 says.

Shockingly, the autopsy had been performed before the parents learned of their son’s death. The pathologist wouldn’t allow them to fully examine his body.

Ihor’s relatives thought he had choked. “All this time we had this version that he choked,” says Ihor's mother as she fights back tears. She then reads from the autopsy report: “Brain hemorrhage, skull fracture, damage done as a result of impact with a blunt object.”

Police are now putting pressure on students to testify that Ihor had started a brawl and arrived at the precinct with his skull already fractured. (That’s what the students told Channel 1+1 in phone calls.)

The faculty says Ihor didn’t have drinking problems. An eye witness says Ihor looked fine as he stepped into the police car.

Yanukovych says he wants to know what happened as Shevchenko rayon police chiefs have been suspended in the ongoing probe.

I’ll tell you what happened, Mr. President. It’s “Ukraine for the People,” remember?

As long as the people of Ukraine don’t act like the people of France, Greece and Romania, you can sleep well.

A few more facts and figures. Ukraine employs a police force of 302,000 for a population of 45,905,300 (2010). By comparison, the U.S. employs a police force of 883,600 for a population of 305,529,237 (2009).

The SBU, our security service, totals 33,000. That’s the size of the FBI.

Size means security? Wrong. It means corruption, mismanagement and brutality.

This law enforcement culture had flourished under Kuchma and Yushchenko. (Anatoliy Mohyliov, the current minister of the interior, served as the Crimean police chief under Yushchenko. And boy did he police those Crimean Tatars.)



Upholding the law of the jungle requires a lot of people skills.

Some people get their palms blown away.



Some get beaten silly.







Some get tortured.









And some only have months to live.

Zatulin’s Man: Make Russian Official or Kiss Ukraine Goodbye

Either my way or the highway.

Vladimir Kornilov, Zatulin’s franchisee in Ukraine, doesn’t mince words.

Kornilov: Of course, sooner or later we'll have to put this reality into law as well. At any rate, sooner or later there will be two official languages in Ukraine, or there will be no state of Ukraine in these borders.

What about the Baltics? Should they have two official languages too?

Video embedded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/158795.html
Original source: http://tvi.ua

Harley Davidson and the Mezhyhirya Man

You don’t mess with a lawmaker like him.

Name: Oleksandr Feldman. Net worth: $266.5M.

Tymoshenko booted him from chairmanship of the Kharkiv BYuT chapter. And look how he got his groove back.

He dumped Tymoshenko and joined the Coalition of Carcasses.



His other consolation prize: a rare Harley Davidson, a 50th anniversary birthday gift from his son, 24.

Asked about the price, he said his son, already a father, doesn’t maintain separate finances.

Will the Mezhyhirya Man let him use that special highway?

Video embedded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/159336.html
Original source: http://tvi.ua

Russian MP Calls Ukraine ‘Edge,’ Angers Audience

Україна (Ukrayina) means different things to different people.

To some, it means країна (krayina), Ukrainian for country, region or land.

To others, it means окраина (okraina), Russian for outskirts, borderland or edge.

Naturally, to most Russians, Ukrayina means okraina, not krayina. Ironically, despite this marginalization, it also means a place — the place — from which they trace their statehood.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Konstantin Zatulin. He’s one of those Russians, and a member of Russia’s parliament at that. He’s a veteran crusader who can’t get enough of patronizing Ukraine now that Yanukovych lifted his persona non grata status.

Zatulin: A few years ago, on the program “Where Did Ukrainians Come From?” (it was on Ukraine’s Channel 1), they asked this question, to everyone: Who are Ukrainians? I said: Those are the Russians who live on the edge, and historically it’s precisely how it is. And I want to point out that, in fact...

Audience: Boo!

Host: You see how the audience is responding.

Zatulin: I want to tell you that my relatives and I myself moved out of the Poltava Governorate, Ukraine, two hundred years ago. Living on the edge is a great historical...a great historical advantage. That’s why... And we, too, live on the edge, if you will: in the East, in the West. You don’t...you don’t have to react like that.

Host: Thank you! Please, please, please, ask your question, pani Hanna, pani Hanna, I'm asking you, please ask your question.

Herman: I want...I want to express...I want to express an official protest to the Russian Federation representative...

Zatulin: [exclaims in dismay]

Herman: ...saying that Ukrainians are the Russians who live on the edge. It is an insult to our people, pan Zatulin.

Host: Let's, let's, please, please, please, your question, please.
Herman: I want you to understand that.

Zatulin: I see...I see that, toward the end of our program, the sense of humor is beginning to fade. OK, let’s say those [Ukrainians] are the Old Russians who live on the edge.

Nice hit-and-run strategy! First, you tell us we’re fringe elements. Second, you sense trouble and soft-pedal. Third, you call it a joke. Hahaha!

Now here’s the real joke. If you call your country Rossiya and trace it to Kyivan Rus (quite a stretch), why in the world would you call Kyiv okraina?

Was Kyiv founded by Muscovy? Or maybe Christianity came to Kyiv via Muscovy?

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/159635.html
Original source: http://kanalukraina.tv

Medvedev Good-Cops Ukrainian Students

If every guest speaker meant what he or she said, we’d be a G20 country.

May 1995. Speaking at the Taras Shevchenko National University, Bill Clinton said this:

But your efforts will not be in vain, because the course is right, even if the path is difficult. The toil is bitter, but the harvest is sweet, as the old proverb says. In time, your transformation will deliver better, more prosperous lives and the chance for you and your children to realize your God-given potential. You and your children will reap the harvest of today's sacrifices.

In the pursuit of peace and prosperity, you have been well served by President Kuchma and his government's bold and farsighted leadership. You should know this: As you build your future, the United States will stand with you.

15 years later. The Children of the Sweet Harvest meet another guest speaker: Dmitry Medvedev, President of Russia.

“They brought me this iPad. I don't know if you have it,” he tells them teasingly, answering a question about his reading preferences. (Ukrainian students live on a God-given monthly stipend of $50.)



On a lighter note, he promised them that Russia wouldn’t use its Black Sea Fleet against neighbors.

Student: How do you see the strategic importance of preserving this base in Sevastopol for...

Medvedev: Let’s have a straight talk: Will Russia use its Black Sea Fleet to attack neighboring states? No, it won’t. Hahaha! We’re a peaceful country.

One of the students turned out to have a name that’s hard to forget: Ihor Yushchenko.

That didn't spoil the party. Medvedev got high marks from the audience.



Among other things, he recalled attending a conference at the University two decades ago as a postgraduate from Leningrad.

An easygoing democratic type, he now reads Gogol on his iPad.

Videos embedded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/159335.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8xZs0wAcqc
Original sources:
http://ictv.ua
http://novy.tv
Spoofs:
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16028/person_id/119.phtml
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/16073/person_id/119.phtml

‘Demilitation’ (Yanukovych Speaketh)

ProFFessor of Economics. Master of International Law. Wreath-wrestler.

Ladies and gentlemen, I swear to Anna Akhmetova he knows what he’s talking about!

Yanukovych: Of course, we have issues of quite some principle that we’ll have to work on. For example: the demilitation of our...uh...of our sea borders.

Watch Medvedev digest demilitation. Look at his eye movement. One more Yanukism and he would have wet himself.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/159165.html
Original source: http://www.1tv.com.ua

Yanukovych Gets Hit By Wreath Amid Rainstorm

As of Tuesday afternoon, only three Ukrainian channels have aired this: Novy.tv, KanalUkraina.tv and 5.ua.

Reuters reportedly complied with the Yanukovych admin's request to keep the embarrassing footage in the closet.

That's something Medvedev can be proud of. As you can see, he barely escaped the attack.



Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/05/17/5048691/
http://pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/05/17/5047887/
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/nayem/4bf1415c2e1d7/
http://zhzh.info/news/2010-05-18-7356