Police Use Force to Secure Entrance to Constitutional Court

A fracas occurred Wednesday morning as opposition supporters tried to barricade the Constitutional Court Building, Ukrainska Pravda reports.

To gain entry, police forcibly removed protesters, including several Orange MPs. Local prosecution authorities have threatened criminal proceedings.

Former BYuT campaign manager Mykhailo Brodsky accused Tymoshenko of an attempt to bribe Justices.

Good news for soccer fans: Ukraine and Poland won the right to host the Euro 2012, leaving Italy, the top candidate, deeply surprised.

Justice-for-Hire?

As the court battle of two Viktors opens this Tuesday, the SBU went public with the results of its background checks on Justice Susanna Stanik, according to which her mother has recently become the proud owner of $12 mn worth of real estate.

Bribery, the lifeblood of Ukrainian institutions, has long been manifest in luxurious suburban mansions that have mushroomed grossly out of proportion to their dwellers' salaries. When legalizing their trophies, bribe takers often put relatives on registration forms to mask their true identity.

In this regard, the Stanik Affair appears to be an attempt to challenge the credentials of a Justice tasked with preparing the briefs on the case. Stanik, who denies the allegations, has promised legal action against the SBU. The Office of the Prosecutor General, a Yanukovych-friendly organization, sided with Stanik, citing a lack of evidence. The SBU, a Yushchenko-friendly organization, should be ready to deliver on that account.

It all began when Realna Politika came up with the alleged transcript of a 2004 conversation between Susanna Stanik and Olena Lukash, the front woman on Yanukovych’s legal panel. In that dialogue, the two appear to be engaged in an important discussion of the Orange Revolution’s outcome.

Lukash, now Deputy Minister of Justice, outlined her business proposition to Stanik, a Kuchma appointee, on a first-name basis. She asked Stanik to endorse Yanukovych publicly and to pull a few strings for him using her connections in the High Court.

(Do not confuse the High Court, which had jurisdiction over the election fraud case, with the Constitutional Court, which handles the dissolution case. These are two separate courts, as Ukraine does not have a single supreme court.)

The story clearly falls into the kompromat, or political blackmail, category. Remember, we a wiretapped nation. For better or worse, our politicians have a passion for spying on each other. Ukraine has a rich kompromat culture in which highly sensitive intelligence leaks were used for the purpose of persuasion/dissuasion.

The cold shower Yanukovych took at the Council of Europe hearings could be compared with the cold shoulder treatment accorded to Yushchenko by the European Commission’s hands-off policy of ‘stability and democracy,’ as framed by President José Barroso.

Meanwhile, the opposition has urged Yushchenko to recall his appointees on concerns of the Court's pro-Yanukovych bias and corruption. To be continued.

Just Another Mismaidan

What happened yesterday can best be summed up in the words of a popular Ukrainian folk tune, which I took the liberty of translating into English:

Ya pryishov, tebe nemah (Я прийшов, тебе нема)
Pidmanula, pidvela (Підманула, підвела)

I was there, but you were not
Fooled my soul and broke my heart

Earth to ‘mom,’ earth to ‘mom,’ your communication strategy needs a rethink. No, wait, I got it, you’re moonlighting at the Counter-Maidan. They didn’t show up either

Maidan 2.1 Still on Standby, Counter-Maidan Still Sucks

Wednesday turned out to be quieter than most Kyivites had imagined. The Orange Maidan, now situated at European Square, continues hibernating, without much mobilization since the March 31 reunion. Tymo, AWOL, seems to be preoccupied with the elections.

The Blue Maidan, sighted at daytime Independence Square, continues hallucinating, without quite reaching the heights it claimed it will. 'Smart camera' flyovers used in live broadcasts on state television controlled by Yanukovych make it look bigger than it really is. Stripped of this fake bakery, the Counter-Maidan has a more modest, part-time look.

Attendance patterns and population density vary substantially. The pictures — if you keep an eye on them throughout the day — speak for themselves:

http://1plus1.tv/video/camera.php

In retrospect, one could argue jokingly that while in 2004/05 we Maidaners expected T-84s to run over our dead bodies, in 2007 we could run those T-84s without hurting a fly.

Of course, it’s a bad joke. The tanks are the hallmark of Moroz’s apocalyptic imagery, which he maladaptively spoonfeeds to the public on an almost hourly basis.

In fact, as of today, a clear vision is nowhere to be found. Confusion surrounds the Constitutional Court and the Central Election Commission. A cadre of five Justices, all of them presidential appointees, has reportedly abstained from participating in the hearings, citing pressure from Yanukovych. Meanwhile, Communist and Socialist appointees to the Central Election Commission remain on a ‘sick leave,’ effectively killing the quorum.

Hardly an hour passes without a cycle of recriminations, as each side attempts to cover its bases by blowing the whistle on the other. The Orange ones, especially the stay-at-home mom of Ukrainian democracy, should do a better job of keeping in touch with their voters. Come out of your shell, will ya?

Moroz Indahouse, Unready to Let Go
Ukraine’s Ghost Parliament Vows to End Party Shopping as Constitutional Court Prepares to Rule on Issue

In a bid to put the pressure on the President, the disbanded Verkhovna Rada, which refuses to comply and still meets in session presided by Speaker Oleksander Moroz, has made a concession.

On Friday, the Coalition of National ImpUnity adopted a rule that could have saved its ass during last-ditch negotiations with Yushchenko. It should be noted that, according to polls, Moroz and his Socialist Party (SPU) stand little chance of re-election. The prospect of early retirement keeps him in high gear, fighting till the bitter end.

But now it appears to be too late. The train has left the station. For Yushchenko to change his mind would be akin to political suicide. He would effectively derail and disembowel whatever is left of his credentials. This condition would in turn invite the Coalition to reverse its decision at its convenience some time later. Mr. President, if you want to buy a ticket to your political funeral, go ahead. The vultures are waiting.

The Counter-Maidan has experienced incremental growth, but still falls far behind Maidan 2004/05 numbers. Neither the show they have staged there nor the showdown itself offers a perfect historical parallel. People come to Kyiv for both ideological and financial reasons, the latter arguably being more prevalent. It’s no secret that the Regionalists have to use hired labor to compensate for the deficit of true-Blue supporters.

In a country with a per capita GDP of about 8K (PPP), participating in political tourism, on a daily allowance of ten bucks, can be a good way to spend one’s spring break and to chase one’s small-town blues away. But it can hardly put the spark back into the lives of those students who, upon graduation, will not find a job that corresponds to their education.

The good thing is, Kyiv is a place where urban legends meet reality. After spending a few days here, many Donetskites discover, much to their surprise, that no one gives them a dirty look when they speak Russian. During the Orange Revolution, the media in eastern Ukraine painted Kyiv as a hornet’s nest of nationalism where Russian speakers risked having their throats slit.

In the largely Orange Kyiv, public sentiment toward the Blue brothers vacillates between indifference and curiosity. Angry outbursts have not been reported.

There remains a high degree of uncertainty as to what the Constitutional Court has in store. Even more so, there seems to be no win-win solution in what the Coalition has to offer.

Buildup Continues, Not Critical

Pravda reports an estimated ten thousand PRU-SPU-CPU supporters at Maidan. Traffic has been blocked.

If we take into account the empty nest in Maryinsky Park, that number will give us Yanukovych’s “net working capital.” OK, let them blow off some steam, but let’s not fall asleep at the switch. We should be ready to get our own show on the road.

Constitutional Court Has Dissolution Case on Its Docket

The Court has agreed to rule on the issue, without specifying a time frame.

Tymo Urges Supporters to Stay at Home?

Amid today’s controversial reports, one is somewhat disturbing. Tymo has called on Maidaners to stay out of Maidan, which, by the way, is not being reconvened yet, as previously reported.

As a few hundred Yanukovych supporters cruise around Maidan, Tymo tells us to prepare for new elections, saying the “job is done.” Well, is it? Shouldn’t we be on guard against creative countermeasures?

Holovaty, Go to Hell!

Turncoats Inc has a new playmate: Serhiy Holovaty, a former BYuT and NSNU member, a star constitutional lawyer affiliated with the Council of Europe, and a three-time Justice Minister.

Yushchenko’s “unconstitutional” behavior obviously found him in the midst of assuming his fourth ministership — at the Yanukovych Cabinet. Speaking before the Rada on Tuesday, he couched his neverending disgruntlement in Biblical terms, equating current events with the work of the Devil.

(Mr, Holovaty, the Coalition of National ImpUnity has hired you as a legal eagle — or perhaps it’s better to say as an Easter bunny — to take its case to the Council of Europe, is that correct? Well, don’t forget to mention how badly your guardian angels wanted those 300 seats in Ukraine’s legislature! And if you still want them, come and get them. You’re free to do that. That’s what elections are for.)

Meanwhile, the stage at Maidan (Independence Square) is being reassembled. Small numbers of Yanukovych supporters have been trying to secure the area. Maidan 2 reconvenes shortly.

“Stability” Strikes Back
Parliament, Half-Dead/Half-Alive, Throws Poison Pills at Yushchenko

As a creative countermeasure to Yushchenko’s decision, the Coalition of National ImpUnity squatting in the Verkhovna Rada has voted to re-impanel the Central Election Commission whom the High Court of Ukraine had found guilty of massive election fraud that had sparked the Orange Revolution in winter 2004/05. Tells a whole lot about the value proposition of "stability," doesn’t it?

In spring 2005, chairman Serhiy Kivalov and his henchmen walked — thanks to an overgenerous pardon policy that cost Yushchenko dearly. From then on, in the eyes of his supporters, President Yushchenko walked with a limp, a condition from which he has started to recover only yesterday.

The Yanukovych Cabinet is doing its own share of stonewalling. It has declared Yushchenko’s decision unconstitutional and has publicly refused to allocate funding for new elections, scheduled for May 27.

Breaking News: Yushchenko Dissolves Parliament ¡Adios Amigos!

He did it! The Coalition of National ImpUnity has met in emergency session and is expected to pull a meditative allnighter.

Maidan 2: Better Than Expected, to Be Continued

The spring sequel to the Orange Revolution came out clean and drew an audience that approached the early days of the winter 2004-05 protests. The mode was different: no sit-ins or tents — just the people and the stage. And yet the mood was very much the same: we came together again and we were as one.

Only this time, we Kyivites made it our mission to be there right from the start. We supplied the lion’s share of the audience. It was our way of saying hello to ChernoCo — the City Hall's pluto-kleptocratic practices — definitely a key mobilizing factor in Maidan 2. A mayor who challenges freedom of assembly in court is a mayor who fears his own people. Do we need that kind of mayor?

Main characters on stage: Tymoshenko of BYuT, Kyrylenko of NSNU, and Lutsenko of Narodna Samo’oborona.

Message to the people: “Yes, we’ve made mistakes and we don’t deserve your praise. But if we are to get this country back on the right track, we should act together.”

Message to the President: “Just do it!”

By that time, Yushchenko had already issued an ultimatum to the Coalition of National ImpUnity: “Stop party-shopping, give back what’s not yours or face disbandment.” (Technically speaking, this means that the so-called imperative mandate must be extended to the Verkhovna Rada on a retroactive basis.)

The Counter-Maidan, just a block away, was mostly attended by people shuttled in from eastern Ukraine. They broke camp in Maryinsky Park in front of the Cabinet building, where they plan to stay for two weeks.

Police behaved blamelessly and exhibited a hilarious sense of humor. Specifically, the MoI gives the following rally attendance estimates: Maidan 2, from 25 to 27 thousand; Counter-Maidan, from 30 to 35 thousand. Quite frankly, that’s one of the best April 1 jokes I’ve ever heard! Less humorous and more objective observers would have to admit that, at the very least, “we” outnumbered “them” 3 to 1.

The Coalition has promised to take their case to the Constitutional Court in the event the President disbands parliament. (It might also attempt procrastination techniques aimed at probing the staying power of Maidan 2, along with efforts to augment the Counter-Maidan.)

Despite no known incidents of violence or vandalism, “blood” is one of the most frequently used words in the VIP vocabulary of the Counter-Maidan. The message that decorates the stage reads: “A United Ukraine Is Our Future.” This may look a little bizarre considering the typical punch line in the speeches delivered there. And here’s how it usually happens. A speaker mounts the stage, he or she starts talking stability, and, all of a sudden, there’s blood all over the place — “blood this” and “blood that.”

Dear Coalitionists of National ImpUnity, don’t you “blood” us! If blood is all you got on your mind, get on the plane and get out of the country. Take your scaremongering fantasy with you. We want none of your blood business.

The situation will clear up in the next 72 hours. But even before it does, it’s already clear that settling on the imperative mandate as a compromise measure is a surefire road to disaster. By giving Yanukovych and his con artists another chance, Yushchenko will compromise this country’s future and will automatically qualify for No. 1 target of Maidan 3.

Insofar as he grasps these extreme possibilities, the odds are in our favor. President Yushchenko and NSNU have a unique opportunity to win back some of the support they’ve pissed away since Maidan 1. Maidan 2 reconvenes on Monday.

Maidan 2 in the Making?

Unless it’s just another hoax, a number of telltale signs suggest that mass mobilization has begun.

Speaking at a press conference today, Yushchenko stated his willingness to take appropriate action to defend Ukrainians’ constitutional rights. A draft directive to dissolve parliament arrived at the Vice Speaker’s desk during an emergency session of the Anticrisis Coalition.

Reports began to emerge of train and busloads of Donetskites being shipped to Kyiv. Rounded up at their workplaces, they will provide ground support for the PRU’s Friday forum “A United Ukraine is Our Future” (read: no Coalition of ImpUnity, no future for Ukraine). This event is designed as a counterweight to the first meeting of the National Rescue Committee to be held on the same day. The opposition rally will be held on Saturday, the day the NSNU convention opens. Tymo cut her French trip short to take part in the events.

Is this the real thing or just an extreme point in Yu’s bargaining with Ya? Stay tuned and you’ll find out.

Kurochkin Killed

Russian mobster Maxim Kurochkin, aka “Mad Max,” was shot dead today outside a Kyiv courthouse by sniper gunfire from a nearby high-rise building. Police are looking for the gunman. A police officer was wounded.

Kurochkin, famous for his business interests in Kyiv and Dnipropetrovsk, was standing trial on charges of extortion, after being arrested on arrival in Kyiv on Nov. 20 last year. During the 2004 presidential campaign, he had presided over the Russian Club, a Kyiv-based lobbyist lounge with a clear pro-Yanukovych orientation.

At today’s hearings, Kurochkin made an emotional plea to the court, stating “I don’t want to die. Let me go.” Ukrainian news agencies also quote Kurochkin, minutes before his death, as saying, “I’ve done my job and I do not regret coming to Ukraine.”

His death comes two weeks after a highway shooting on the outskirts of Kyiv reportedly left several associates of his in a car sprayed with bullets.

Coalition of National ImpUnity v. National RescYu Committee
Ya Paranoid About Lu; Ty Optimistic About Yu

A duel of press conferences held in rapid succession on Friday had Ukraine’s heavyweights speak their minds.

Yanukovych took pains to impress us with something so pompous that even shamans of “guided democracy” like Putin would puke at it. Speaking before an audience of some 579 accredited reporters, Yanukovych unveiled a smoking pot of plans that included the following:

• Keeping Lutsenko off the streets of Kyiv for the sake of “peace and stability”
• Rebranding the Anticrisis Coalition to that of National Unity (read: ImpUnity)
• Buying a 2/3 constitutional majority stake in the Rada (read: prostitutional majority)
• Using that majority to make Russian a second official language

Having digested the best of Donbas cuisine, we tuned our stomachs to a different set of ingredients. Tymo went about her business by:

• Appealing to the President’s better self and offering herself as an alter ego
• Citing legal technicalities for Yu to disband the Rada, adding that he has no other choice
• Maintaining a positive emphasis and rekindling the spirit of Maidan
• Announcing the re-establishment of Maidan’s National Rescue Committee

At a time when the Coalition of National ImpUnity puts talk shows off the air and disenfranchises millions of Ukrainians, the President has no right to be a bystander. This country is getting ripe for a rescue operation.

Kid Pro Quo: Yatsenyuk to Helm Foreign Affairs

Surprise! Deputy Chief of the Secretariat Arseniy Yatsenyuk, 32, got a new job too.

Being a compromise candidate, he garnered a whopping 426 votes in the Rada on Wednesday. Analytically speaking, he’s reaping the dividends of his highly diversified portfolio of connections.

Other than that, he’s talented and energetic. Finally, the Yanukovych Cabinet has a guy who speaks a little English. (Ouch! Numb with shock, career diplomats like Tarasyuk could barely conceal their disdain.)

Anatoliy Kinakh has replaced Volodymyr Makukha as Minister of Economy. Speaker Moroz, posing as an expert on parliamentary democracy, has stated that the interests of the USPP should be represented in the government. Obviously, the alchemy of separating business from government must be entering some strange, shape-shifting phase.

Too bad Ukraine ranks a dismal 125th out of the 161 countries surveyed in the 2006 Index of Economic Freedom.

All of which suggests that cradle is not the only thing getting robbed in this country.

Kinakh Kisses Yu Goodbye

Tuesday’s session of the Rada opened with an ominous speech by MP Anatoliy Kinakh, NSNU, who presides over the Ukrainian Union of Industrialists and Entrepreneurs (USPP).

Mr. Kinakh made himself very clear: The confrontation between the government and opposition is eroding Ukraine’s competitive edge. He summed up his readout of the situation with the following, “We have no right to waste time; it’s time to gather stones.”

Don’t you get it? He’s joining the Yanukovych Cabinet! And he’s taking a loyal cadre of eight MPs with him. Here’s some fresh blood for Turncoats, Inc.

Kinakh, whose premiership from 2001 to 2002 superseded Yuschenko’s and preceded Yanukovych’s, will reveal his new job title tomorrow.

Happy landing, Mr. Kinakh! Best of luck in breathing the spirit of entrepreneurship into Ukraine’s 20th-century industry.

Lutsenko’s House Searched

They came early in the morning. They came looking for PCs and furniture to be seized as evidence in a second attempt of building an abuse of authority case. The idea is to prove Lutsenko guilty of "misappropriating" a gift gun to a certain entrepreneur in exchange for consumer goods.

Yanukovych has claimed no prior knowledge of the search, saying he learned about it on the news. Well, he should have read the morning papers. There’s an article in “Segodnya” that says a munitions cache has been discovered not too far away from Lutsenko’s premises. Why not call your best friend and get a free copy?

They haven’t booked Lutsenko yet, but interrogations have already begun. Just like that. Once you become a threat to the country’s “political stability,” somebody has to put the brakes on your geographic mobility. And in this regard, the Anticrisis Coalition is becoming all too predictable.

Sources: http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/3/20/56011.htm

Ohryzko Rejected Again

As expected, the Anticrisis-controlled parliament turned down Yushchenko’s pick for Foreign Affairs Minister. Word of advice for Ohryzko: If you really want this job, take a crash course in unlearning Ukrainian.

Stalin Big Boards to Discipline Donetskites

As the Dons of Donetsk file criminal charges against Lutsenko and take over banks and universities in Kyiv, the mortal denizens of Donetsk are having less fun. First, their utility bills tripled. Second, Generalissimo Stalin made a comeback — this time, in a slice-of-death advertising campaign launched by a local utility company slapped with mass non-payment.

According to company management, the use of Stalin as a visual image personality creates powerful associations with order and discipline. Not an unfounded claim in a city that had gone by the name of Stalino from 1924 to 1961. Of course, those creative people forgot to trace the blessings of “order and discipline” to Stalin’s experience in bank robbery and genocide.

Anyway, the message reads: “Comrades, this is not a movie. This is life. They who don't pay will be punished.”

Perhaps Angela Merkel should consider adopting these scaremongering practices to combat her country’s rampant unemployment. Don’t they have a mustached zombie of their own in Germany? So how about this: “Achtung! This is not a drill. They who don't work will be deported to Donetsk?”


Sources: http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/3/19/55951.htm

Bonus tracks: Soviet Anthem (English version, 1949)

A Trip to Kuchmaland
Lutsenko Rallies in Kharkiv, Dnipropetrovsk Obstructed by Pro-Yanukovych Local Authorities

Half-pregnant with new parliamentary — and perhaps even presidential — elections, 2007 looks very much like 2004. “Narodna Samo'oborona,” or “People’s Self-Defense,” an opposition submovement headed by former Interior Minister Yuriy Lutsenko that is haunting Ukraine in the runup to the long-awaited March on Kyiv, helps discover that similarity.

Talk about putting spokes in those wheels. Yanukovych and his allies seem to be intent on putting eastern Ukraine on the 2004 track.

But not all people take orders from Yanukovych there. In the three rounds of the 2004 presidential election, Kharkiv voted Yushchenko by 31.10, 21.11 and 26.12 percent, respectively. The figures for Dnipropetrovsk are 18.72, 29.62, and 32.01 percent.

Lutsenko’s roadshow in Kharkiv and Dnipropetrovsk gathered from five to ten thousand people. Of course, those estimates do not include the brotherly legions of Communists and Regionalists (read: Capitalists) who stormed the streets to protest the project that threatens to shatter their highly profitable partnership.

Securing a venue turned out to be a major problem in Kharkiv: Mayor Mykhailo Dobkin answers to the PRU. In Dnipropetrovsk — the city where Kuchma, as head of Yuzhmash, had spent most of his pre-presidential adulthood making ICBMs — Lutsenko survived a retaliatory egg attack. (A single egg to Yanukovych’s chest in fall 2004 downed him in one fell swoop and kept him in the hospital for several days. Watch Tymo’s eggsperience.)

Interior Minister Vasyl Tsushko, SPU, who has stocked up on police clubs and water cannons, and has populated his staff with Kuchma’s knights, has adopted Kuchma’s rhetoric as well. Speaking at a press conference that marked his first 100 days in office, he advised Ukrainians against participating in the March on Kyiv, calling it “political schizophrenia.” Well, look who’s talking. Hadn't Moroz, his party boss, shared the same stage with Lutsenko at Maidan?

Moscow to Close Its Only Ukrainian Library

Local authorities are planning to “reorganize” the one and only Ukrainian library in a city with an estimated one million people of Ukrainian descent. (This is not to mention that Moscow was founded by Yuriy Dolgorukiy, Prince of Kyiv, in 1147.)

The library opened a year ago. Interestingly enough, Moscow Mayor Yuriy Luzhkov, a front-runner of Russia’s claims on the Crimea, attended the opening ceremony.

Turncoats, Inc: Party-Shopping MPs Form Daughter Faction to Anticrisis Coalition

Apparent objective:

1. Act as a sponge for similar-minded MPs badly-needed by the Anticrisis Coalition to gain a supermajority (300 votes) with which to silence Yushchenko’s veto-making machine;
2. Maintain a pretense of acting independently.

Current membership list:

MP Inga Vershynina, former BYuT member
MP Maxym Lutsky, former BYuT member
MP Mykhailo Hladiy, former BYuT member
MP Mykhailo Zubets, former BYuT member
MP Olexander Borzykh, former BYuT member
MP Olexander Volkov, former NSNU member
MP Olexander Yedin, former BYuT member
MP Volodymyr Tolstenko, former BYuT member
MP Volodymyr Zaplatynsky, former NSNU member
MP Volodymyr Zubyk, former BYuT member

Ukrainian democracy has been suffering from post-election disenfranchisement for a long time. You come to the polls, you vote BYuT or NSNU, and the next thing you know a portion of people whom you voted into power to represent your interests is finding the grass to be greener on the other side.

Part of the blame goes to BYuT and NSNU. That’s what happens when you guys go selling parliamentary seats to gold-diggers. You can’t seriously expect more from people who can’t tell money-making from law-making. And so the never-ending story goes: “Money to get power, power to get money.”

Verka Goes to Helsinki!
Ukraine-Mocking Comedian to Represent Ukraine at Eurovision Song Contest

Yee-hah! Verka Serduchka, a faux female character created by Andriy Danylko impersonating a train conductor who can’t get enough of marginalizing Ukrainian culture alongside Russian chauvinist stereotypes, should be packing his bags for Helsinki. Ironically, whatever he sings there on May 12 will most likely be interpreted as a quintessence of Ukrainian culture.

Over the last decade, Andriy Danylko has perfected his kinky pseudo-ethnic character into a huge commercial success in Russia and eastern Ukraine. He won the ticket to Helsinki having outperformed several other artists in a nationwide SMS vote broadcast live on state television. So how does someone who masquerades as the Ukrainian equivalent of the N-word get to go to Eurovision? Well, I guess it tells a great deal about Ukraine’s post-Soviet identity crisis. So far, only one local FM station has voiced a protest.

If, for some reason, Kazakhstan fielded Sacha Baron Cohen, I’d rather vote for him than Andriy Danylko. After all, Borat Sagdiyev did not mess with Kazakhstan without making some pointed jabs at Amerikastan. With Verka Serduchka, it’s always been a one-way street.

Sold! ChernoCo Auctions Off 279 Acres of Land to RosUkrEnergo Co-Owner?

Brothers in public relations distress should be helping each other out, shouldn’t they? Pravda quotes a Komersant report that traces the newly acquired 279-acre patch of municipal land to Dmytro Firtash, the presumptive owner of the 45 percent stake in the notorious RosUkrEnergo.

The City Hall has already taken credit for the Tuesday transaction, comparing it to the iconic reprivatization of Kryvorizhstal. However, beyond the thin veil of the “open bid,” which pitted TOV Baski Plyus-2004 (ТОВ Баскі плюс-2004) against Investbudservis (Інвестбудсервіс), the picture looks anything but transparent. Try finding any of these ghost bidders on Google.

Starting price: UAH 869,359,000 (USD 172,150,297)
Hammer price: UAH 999,763,000 (USD 197,972,871)
The proud winner: TOV Baski Plus-2004, reportedly controlled by Mr. Firtash

It’s time to place bets on whether the housing project being advertised will push down Kyiv real estate prices below London levels.

Tymo Shoots Verbal Ammo at Reporter

Pravda has captured a moment of tension that spiced up Tymoshenko’s meeting with the Ukrainian diaspora in Washington.

The provocative question came from an RFE/RL reporter who has tortured Tymo with inquiries on whether she feared detention by American law enforcement due to her past involvement with Pavlo Lazarenko, the exiled former Ukrainian PM whose trial is nearing the end in California.

This time the reporter asked her how she was going deal with the thugs in the PRU while consorting with such controversial figures as Feldman and Hubsky, at which point she became visibly distressed.

What followed was an awkward attempt to regain composure using a two-pronged rebuttal that included self-victimization and ad hominem components.

Ми вішаємо мітки на людей, не розбираючи їх сутності. Запорукою того, що наша команда ніде не схибить, не відступить на жоден крок від стратегічного шляху є моє власне ім'я і моя власна позиція.

І я буду крок за кроком руйнувати опорних людей Партії регіонів на сході, я буду перевербовувати і забирати кращих організаторів процесу, і забиратиму їх для того, щоб вони не працювали на їх перемогу. Бо я вважаю, що перемогу ми отримаємо тоді, коли переконаємо людей на сході, що Партія регіонів – це не їх партія.

А ця молода людина на першій публічній зустрічі, яку я мала, він перший вирвався з запитанням "що ж ви сюди так довго не їхали, тому, що ви є подільник Лазаренка і ви не їхали, бо боїтеся, що вас заарештують". Я хочу вам сказати, я просто не хочу, щоб ви й 10% пройшли з того, що пройшла я, моя родина і моя команда. Бо я бажаю вам добра, але не будьте чорним піаром в Вашингтоні проти України. Бо це чорний піар не проти мене, а проти України. Але я звикла до цього. Я заздалегідь пробачаю всі провокації, які є, були і будуть в майбутньому.

We put labels on people without looking into their substance. The guarantee that our team will not err and will not stray a single step from the strategic course is in my good name and in my personal stance.

And step by step I will destroy the PRU henchmen in the east, I will woo away and reclaim the best talent in organizational matters, and I will reclaim them so that they do not work to precipitate a victory for the PRU. For I believe that we will win only when we convince the people in the east that the Party of Regions is not their party.

And this young man here, during the first public meeting I had, he was the first and he came up with this question, “So what took you so long? Is it because you’re Lazarenko’s accomplice and you’re afraid of being arrested?” I want to tell you that I simply don’t want you to go through even 10 percent of what my family, my team, and I have been through. I wish you well, but don’t be a smear campaign here in Washington against Ukraine. For this is not a smear campaign against me, but one against Ukraine. I got used to this. I forgive all the attacks in advance — those that have occurred, are occurring, and will occur.

The reporter drew catcalls from the Ukrainian American audience, which took the question a bit too personally, without giving thought to its merits. The way Tymo tried to make a sport out of shooting the messenger leaves no doubt that the guy hit the right spot.

Doesn’t the public have the right to know how, in the event of her comeback, she is going to manage her lyubi druzi?

If she wasn’t in the mood for a frank discussion, she should have injected humor into the situation, with something like, “Lazarenko? Let me think, why don’t you call Lt. Colombo and let him check things? I’ll be in touch.”

Instead, she threw a tantrum, exhibiting the very character flaws she has always trashed in Yushchenko.

Janukowytsch Does Deutschland

The land of beer and sausages has supplied a sizzling update to Yanukovych’s catalogue of faux pas. Pravda picks on the following episodes, in which Yanukovych

1. Bowed prematurely during the anthem ceremony with Chancellor Angela Merkel.

2. Rebuffed Merkel’s gastronomical niceties with, “I didn’t come here to dine, but to tell you about Ukraine.”

3. Put words in Merkel's mouth on Ukraine’s EU accession prospects.

4. Misspelled the name of former German President Richard von Weizsäcker as “Richard von Weizer…Weizer-berg.”

5. Projected a Boratish sense of humor, “Sitting here between two Alexanders, Kwaśniewski and Rahr, I can make a wish according to Ukrainian tradition. Whether it will come true I will tell you later.”

Scheiße! The German tour was off to a bad start when Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung came out with a scathing op-ed “Von der Marionette zum Lenker” (From Puppet to Chief) by Konrad Schuller. It wrought havoc on a soapy article “Janukowytsch für Neutralität der Ukraine” (Yanukovych for a Neutral Ukraine) published earlier in Die Welt by Russian-speaking political pundit Alexander Rahr.

Pravda quotes Yanukovych as saying, “Rahr is an interesting analyst and expert, and we’ve invited him to cooperate.” Well, well, well, Paul Manafort seems to have hired a German subcontractor for his reputation laundering operation in Ukraine.

Perhaps, there’s an opening position for boxing legend and former Orange Revolution fixture Vitaliy Klychko? (He happens to be the darling of Germans by virtue of having launched his career there.) How else should we interpret his increasingly frequent public appearances in close proximity to Herr Janukowytsch?

Election Warfare: PRU Wants an E-Day of Its Own

BYuT’s drive for new parliamentary elections and the annulment of Politreforma has provoked a response from with PRU.

As Tymo packs audiences in Washington, MP Vasyl Kyselyov, PRU, has announced a bill that would lump together parliamentary and presidential elections and slate them for Sept. 30.

Yanukovych, still sitting on the fattest pack of approval ratings, has no intention of detoxing himself from the political steroids of Politreforma. He has recently mentioned the idea of indirect presidential elections, that is, having the president elected by parliament. Yet, even if the Anticrisis-controlled Rada passes that chimeral bill, it will most likely lack the votes to override the presidential veto.

All of which suggests a rather blunt publicity stunt. The PRU, whose electoral fat reserves are dwindling in inverse proportion to Ukrainians’ rising costs of living, seeks post-hybernation relief. The list of countermeasures varies from courting Tymoshenko with a two-party system to terrorizing lame duck Yushchenko with early retirement. The trick is to keep the two from flying in formation.

Yanukovych: “We’ll Crush the Hands of Those Doing It”

И сегодня ставить нам шпильки, как говорят, в колеса, на различных уровнях мы никому не позволим! Мы руки поотбиваем тем, кто будет это делать! Почему? Потому что мы не за свое боремся, мы боремся за то, чтобы в стране был порядок. Это не личное...

And today we will not allow anyone to put, so to speak, spokes in our wheels, at various levels! We’ll crush the hands of those doing it. Why? It’s because we’re not fighting a turf war here, we’re fighting for order in this country. We have no ax to grind…

Charges to Be Dropped Against Shcherban?

What would you expect from a country whose President awards a Yaroslav the Wise (a political Oscar) to Mykhailo Potebenko, Kuchma’s Prosecutor General, who, among other things, persistently denied the existence of corruption in the Ukrainian government?

What would you expect from a country whose Prime Minister served two jail terms in a juvie? That’s what friends are for.

From Donbas with Love: Good PRU, Bad PRU

Part I: When Hanna Met Myke

Donetsk City Council Secretary Mykola Levchenko, PRU, quoted in Russian:

Без всяких сомнений русский язык станет вторым государственным. Почему идет такое сопротивление? Потому что противники русского языка прекрасно понимают, какие будут результаты. Украинский язык - язык фольклора. И с приданием статуса государственного русскому, необходимость говорить на украинском просто отпадет. Это не язык науки.

Он не умрет, на нем будут писать песни, рассказывать анекдоты, он станет фольклорным. А русский язык - язык науки, язык цивилизации. В уме все переводят на русский. И он будет государственным, вопрос только времени. Самое смешное, что это все прекрасно понимают. Русский язык не вытеснит украинский - нечего вытеснять. Заметьте, какая слабая позиция у защитников украинского языка. Они выступают за единственный государственный украинский язык. А защитники русского не выступают за один русский. Они выступают за два. Потому что понимают, какой язык более востребованный.

Давайте будем реалистами. Второй государственный язык не более чем формальность. В Украине государственный язык должен быть один - русский. И так рано или поздно будет.

There is no doubt that Russian will become the second official language. Why all the fuss? It’s because opponents of the Russian language understand very well what kind of results there will be. The Ukrainian language is the language of folklore. And once Russian becomes official, the need to speak Ukrainian will simply no longer be there. It’s not the language of science.

It won’t die: Songs will be written, jokes will be told — it will become folksy. As for the Russian language, it’s the language of science, the language of civilization. In their mind, everybody translates into Russian. And it will be official — it’s just a matter of time. The funny thing is, everybody very well understands it. Russian will not force Ukrainian out, there’s nothing to be forced out. Note how weak the stance of proponents of Ukrainian is. They stand for a single official language, Ukrainian. Defenders of Russian, however, do not stand for Russian as a single language. They stand for two. It’s because they understand which language is more in demand.

Let’s be realistic. A second official language is nothing more than a formality. In Ukraine, there should be one official language, Russian. And sooner or later, that’s the way it will be.

MP Hanna Herman, PRU, former spokeswoman for Yanukovych and, earlier, an RFE/RL host, quoted in Ukrainian:

Заява цього державного чиновника місцевого рівня свідчить не лише про його низьку культуру і неосвіченість, а й про свідому чи несвідому шкоду, яку він наніс єднанню українського народу, зближенню регіонів, вирівнюванню тих ровів розколу, які так наполегливо намагається засіяти зерном доброзичливості прем’єр.

Я переконана, Донецьк як місто університетів і шахт, як місто де проживає багато інтелектуалів, добрих сердечних і щирих людей, Донецьк, де мешкав Василь Стус, Донецьк, що дав Україні Віктора Януковича, зуміє належно оцінити зарозумілу і немудру заяву малоосвіченого чиновника.

Захищати російську мову треба, але той, хто при цьому принижує українську, є провокатором і наносить величезної шкоди власній державі і народові.

І якщо партія не розуміє, що нам потрібна не частина України, а вся Україна, якщо партія не розуміє, що ми повинні бути демократами, мені залишиться зробити, те, що залишиться...

The statement of this local official not only indicates cultural and intelligence gaps, but it also indicates intentional or unintentional damage that he has done to efforts at uniting the Ukrainian people, bridging the regions, and rectifying the rifts that the Premier has so tirelessly tried to fill with the seed of goodwill.

I am convinced that Donetsk — a city of universities and coal mines, a city of many intellectuals, kind, warmhearted, and sincere people, the Donetsk where Vasyl Stus lived, the Donetsk that gave Ukraine Viktor Yanukovych — will accord proper consideration to the arrogant and unwise statement of an undereducated official.

We should protect the Russian language, but the ones who denigrate Ukrainian are provocateurs and are inflicting massive damage to the country and to the people.

And if this party does not understand that we need not just a part of Ukraine, but the whole Ukraine, if this party does not understand that we should be democrats, I’m left to do what I have to do…

Part II: The Rematch

Donetsk City Council Secretary Mykola Levchenko, PRU, quoted in Russian:

Анна Герман запуталась и ошиблась, в какой она партии состоит и кого она представляет. То, что она себе позволяет в отношении меня как должностного лица, как личности, как секретаря городского совета от Партии регионов в городе, в котором победила ПР, оценит аппарат партии.

Hanna Herman got lost and was mistaken as to what party she belongs to and as to whom she represents. What she has indulged in with regard to me as an official, as a person, and as Secretary of the City Council from Party of Regions in a city won by the PRU, will be evaluated by the party leadership.

MP Hanna Herman, PRU, former spokeswoman for Yanukovych and, earlier, an RFE/RL host, quoted in Ukrainian:

Я вважаю, що моя партія демократична, і що в партійній дискусії про мови переможе демократія і повага до всіх мов, якими розмовляє народ України. Я переконана, що в партії розумні люди, які розуміють, що нікому не дано права принижувати ні українську, ні будь-яку іншу мову. Тим більше, що я знаю позицію лідера партії з цього питання.

Але якщо партія підтримає Колю (Миколу Левченка), виходить, я дійсно не туди потрапила.

I believe that my party is democratic and that the internal debate on language will be won by democracy and respect for all languages spoken by the Ukrainian people. I am convinced that that party has smart people who understand that no one has the right to denigrate Ukrainian, nor any other language, for that matter. Besides, I know where our leader stands on the issue.

But if the party gives support to Kolya (Mykola Levchenko), it will mean that I indeed have come to the wrong place.

Sources:

http://ostro.org/shownews_ks.php?id=35303&lang=ru

http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/2/22/54859.htm

http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/2/23/54888.htm

Rada Rejects Yushchenko’s MFA and SBU Picks

As expected, Volodymyr Ohryzko and Victor Korol, who vied for the position of Minister of Foreign Affairs and Director of the Security Service, respectively, failed to gather support from the Anticrisis Coalition.

It turns out acting MFA head Volodmyr Ohryzko has the nasty habit of speaking Ukrainian in conversations with Russian guests on Ukrainian soil.

And as for MP Viktor Korol, NSNU, the media link him to NSNU mogul Petro Poroshenko, Yushchenko’s chief campaign contributor and a de facto persona non grata in Russia.

The Kremlin can’t stomach these guys, and that’s not the kind of gas Yanukovych needs.

Rada Unplugged: BYuT MPs Continue Blockade of Electricity Room

Starting Wednesday, BYuT representatives have taken control of the facility that powers the Session Hall. (Power has been restored to the voting system, though.) Their demands? Scale back the recent utility hike and raise minimum wages.

Technically, such parliamentary tactics, commonplace in the Ukrainian legislature, can be considered a minor disturbance. Politically, they come as a slap in the face for PM Yanukovych, whose 2006 campaign slogan read “Better living today.”

Surrogacy an Option for Chernovetsky’s Businesslike Deputy

Irena Kilchytska, Kyiv’s vivacious 38-year-old Deputy Mayor and former Pravex Bank Vice President, has more revelations. Aside from professing Christianity while expecting her firstborn by a boyfriend of unknown identity, what more could she impress us with? In an interview with Ukrainian daily Fakty, Kilchytska elaborated on her family planning, unveiling a vision that may strike traditional believers as a bit unorthodox.

So here are some memorable quotes from a self-made lady who takes pains to “project an image of success at all times” (American Beauty) and exudes the sort of acrid affluenza that Paris Hilton can only dream about.

Слава Богу, ни в каком отдыхе и реабилитации, как беременная женщина, я весь этот срок не нуждалась. Но не уверена, что так же будет с последующими моими детьми, которых я планирую иметь. Не исключаю, что следующего моего ребенка доверю вынашивать суррогатной матери.

Но полет в космос, клонирование и прочие достижения прогресса тоже поначалу казались чем-то страшным и непонятным. Сегодня это уже явь. Я не пророк, но думаю, лет через десять к суррогатному материнству женщины будут прибегать не только в том случае, когда сами не могут выносить детей. Многие деловые занятые женщины, которые пробиваются в жизни сами, а не сидят на шее у мужчины, захотят иметь собственного ребенка, не отвлекаясь на его рождение. И будут пользоваться услугами суррогатных матерей.

Thank God, I’ve experienced no need for rest and rehabilitative therapy throughout my pregnancy term. But I’m not sure that this will be the case with the babies I’m going to have next. I wouldn’t discount the possibility that my next child will be borne by a surrogate mother.

But space travel, cloning, and other advances in the progress of humankind, too, initially came as something terrific and incomprehensible. Now it’s history. I’m not a prophet, but I believe that ten years from now women will be opting for surrogate motherhood not just when they can’t bear children physically. Many time-strapped business women who are out there making it on their own and are not dependent on their partners will want to have a baby without diverting much time to its birth. And they will use the services of surrogate mothers.

Careful as we should be not to step on gender issues and the progress of humankind, let’s pause to note that space travel must have supplied the theme for Kilchytska’s boss, Mayor Chernovetsky (aka Lyonya Kosmos, or Leo the Loony). Quite a few Kyivites would spend their last hryvnya to buy him a one way-ticket to the Moon.

And what about all those Buck$treet Boys squatting in the City Hall? (Two of Chernovetsky’s male deputies are former Pravex Bank employees in their twenties.) This may sound like player haterism of the purest kind, but we expect them to resort to surrogate fatherhood as well?

Of course, in a depopulating nation children are more than welcome, regardless of the biological know-how. But the thought of some children being born “more equal” than others becomes unbearable. A surrogate democracy is not an option.

The Ombudswoman in Blue: Reappointment of Yanukovych Associate Defies European Practice

The Yanukovych-controlled Rada Thursday appointed MP Nina Karpachova, PRU, to her third term as Ukraine's Commissioner for Human Rights. Later in the day, MP Mykola Tomenko, BYuT, landed the job as Vice Speaker. The latter position, generously reserved for the opposition, came with the nodding approval of the ruling Anticrisis Coalition. Being part of BYuT’s prior agreement with the PRU, it saved BYuT the agony of having to explain another episode of rapport with the PRU. (BYuT largely abstained from the Karpachova vote.)

While Tomenko’s promotion provides BYuT with a comfortable perch, Karpachova’s political credentials make her comeback a demotion for Ukraine’s human rights track record. (Blue is the official color of the PRU.)

European democracy requires that this watchdog position be occupied by an independent, nonpartisan figure. In Ukraine, however, democracy takes a back seat to Donbas and justice walks in lockstep with the oldest profession — or should we say proffession? But since Ukraine became a member of the Council of Europe in 1995, its citizens have learned to sue the corrupt government all the way to the European Court of Human Rights, winning settlements of a few thousand euros.

Despite assurances to the contrary, the human rights agenda to expect from Ombudswoman Karpachova should probably be called “See no evil, hear no evil.”

Bonjour mesdames Severinsen and Wohlvend. Here’s your clue on how Yanukovych’s goes about his vision of “building a Europe inside Ukraine.”

ChernoCo Profit Slashed; Hijacked City Council Caves in to Kyivites

Kyivites’ utility bills will double, the Kyiv City Council ruled Thursday, overturning the 340 percent hike championed by Mayor Chernovetsky.

The City Council also undertook to carry out an audit of Khreshchatyk, the municipal bank, and Kyivenergoholding, a conglomerate of utility companies, by July. According to the opposition, Chernovetsky’s friends and relatives have been quite energetic in trying to gain control of these cash cows.

A few days ago, the City Hall denied registration to a petitioning group working to arrange a referendum to impeach Mayor Chernovetsky. To ensure success, a total of six teams were set up by the opposition to make separate filings and gather the required signatures. The Central Electoral Commission has advised Chernovetsky against further stonewalling.

The resolution to backtrack on the bills was passed, in small part, due to the so-called imperative mandate bill. This recent piece of legislation applies to turncoat lawmakers sitting in local councils and puts pressure on them to “return to base” or face expulsion. Needless to say, Tymo jumped on television to take a bow for the disciplinary effect of the bill she had sponsored.

However, there’s another way to look at it. The resolution may have a pacifying effect on the public and may be intended by ChernoCo as a survival kit.

“Yanukovych Gov’t Helped by God” as Grain Stockpiles Rot in Odesa Port

Уряду Віктора Януковича навіть Бог допомагає. Бог, коли бачить, що ми правильно робимо, і розуміє, що нам палки в колеса вставляють, - так за 100 років найтепліша зима. Допомагає уряду Януковича навіть Бог. Зверху все видно.

Трейдери нехай несуть собі (збитки). Трейдери найменше нас хвилюють.

Even God is helping the Yanukovych Government. When God sees us doing what’s right and understands that spokes are being put in our wheels, we get the warmest winter in 100 years. The Yanukovych Government is being helped by God. He sees from above.

Let the traders bear their losses. The traders are the least of our concerns.

These touching soundbites belong to MP Mykhailo Chechetov, PRU, former head of the State Property Fund, a government agency responsible for overseeing state-owned enterprises and approving privatization deals. In 2004, with Chechetov’s blessing, Kryvorizhstal was auctioned off for $800mn.

A year later, in an open bid, the steel mill fetched $4.8 bn. (Sometimes, God chooses to help the highest bidder, which kind of dashes cold water on Chechetov’s metaphysical observations. He may not have realized it, but the hyperbolic manner in which he chose to heap praise on Proffessor bordered on satire of Borat’s caliber.)

The second quote indirectly relates to the 2003 grain crisis, a major embarrassment for PM Yanukovych during his first coming. With a record harvest in 2002, Ukraine experienced a blowout frenzy of exports that put truckloads of money in traders’ pockets and left farmers scrambling to repay their loans.

On top of that, it depleted the country’s grain stock to a point when imports had to be contracted for, at a higher price, of course. Poor Proffessor! He should have written an autobiographical narrative titled: “Sell Low, Buy High: How Government Spending Helps the Global Grain Market.”

It doesn’t take a scientist to interpret the current Draconian regulations as a mixture of never-again paranoia and bread-and-circus populism. Hey Cargill, give us a break. Can’t you see it? This time Proffessor got the Breadbasket of Europe sealed tight. Not a bushel goes to Bush until Proffessor approves it. Even if it means tons of grain rotting all the while. A few days ago, U.S. Ambassador Taylor took a trip to Odesa to see for himself.

Since Ukrainian grain had been consumed in Ancient Greece, it needs an adequate hero to deliver it from decay. How about sending the Governator on a mission similar to the one he played in “Hercules in New York?” After all, Arnie has repeatedly identified Ukrainian powerlifter Leonid Zhabotynsky as his life-changing role model.

Divvying Up the Pipeline, or a TroYan Horse for Ukraine’s Last Line of Defense

Here’s another one from the Proffessor posse — a stake swap. Presumably, the stewards of our economy are itching to swap a 50 percent stake in the Ukrainian gas pipeline for a dose of exploration rights on Russian territory.

In the civilized business world, stake swaps have become a popular way of sharing risks and benefits to achieve desired results. A growing body of evidence suggests, however, that a stake swap with Russia may be different. Be careful who you swapping with.

Speaking at a press conference Thursday, GasPutin reasserted Russia’s right to demand market rates for the energy it supplies. He then complained about neighboring countries’ reciprocal efforts to make fair pricing the norm for the transit services they provide.

He did mention the swap proposal, though, calling it "revolutionary." So, using Putin as his spokesman — not an uncommon trick — Yanukovych sends a clear message to stakeholders in Ukraine: We’re out to get cheap gas at all costs; we’ll borrow, beg, or swap.

If they asked him at Davos, “How do you spell innovation?” he’d probably answer “in-NO-WAY-shen!” And he’d be damn right. So much for all that crap about modernization and energy efficiency! Donbas will stick to its guns. The only “Better living today” was yesterday. Yeeha! Here we are, a Cinderella sweatshop right in the geographic center of Europe, a proletarian preserve fresh out of “Das Kapital” and “Oliver Twist.” That we should not count on Yanukovych’s readership of these texts is as certain as his role in perpetuating the characters behind them.

Proponents of the swap are flirting with a Trojan Horse designed to neutralize our last line of defense against the Energy Empire. No pipeline, no bargaining power. It’s as simple as that. Vlad the Impaler is waiting for his chance. A thumbs-up from Russian Orthodox clergy will be forthcoming. (Or have the votaries of the Third Rome already rebranded themselves to Gazpromans, that is, members of the Order of Gazprom?)

Back to business, here’s what happened to the Sakhalin project.

Europeans, perhaps with the rare exception of Schroeder, have expressed little admiration for the Kremlin’s predatory policies. Unless Europe secretly worships Gazprom as the god of gas, it must help Ukraine resist proselytization efforts aimed at swapping the welfare of the many for the wealth of the few.