Lutsenko’s wife: How can one tolerate such a lie? It’s just impossible! Why are you staring at me? Why are you staring at me, liar? You’re gonna be impotent! I’m looking right into your eyes. You’re gonna be impotent!
We are Ukrainian women. We are the FEMEN movement. We are the watch bitches of democracy! Our god: woman. Our weapon: bare breasts. Our goal: government. European Union, accept us! Kremlin, leave us alone! Ukraine, let’s be together! Ukrainian women, come join us, get topless and win!
If some of that sounds naïve, join this Ukrainian Army beauty contest.
Yanukovych: These people that will be dismissed, they will receib...receive corr...corresponding severance packages upon dismissal, in accordance with the law. [...] The benefits...from the reduction of government officials’ headcount will not transpire until 2012. From then on, every year, undoubtedly, we’ll have quite substantial savings.
You mean, having 16 ministers instead of 24 will save us a fortune? Awesome! But wait... Is that the whole story?
It’s not. I mean look at the State Directorate for Affairs. This funny-name agency acts as the nanny state to Ukraine’s mammoth central government bureaucracy.
In FY 2011, its budget will balloon 27%, or by Hr. 292,856,700 ($36,822,962), to Hr. 1,343,862,300 ($168,973,394).
Now what about the Administration of the President? Wanna see the color of his money?
Yanukovych: Because the rule of law...uh...abiding...by the laws of Ukraine is compulsory for all. Today...in Kyiv, they’re already setting up, on the very spot where the protesters’ tents stood yesterday...uh...today, they’re already setting up the New Year...[struggles with Ukrainian, settles for Russian]...YOLKA [tree], and very-very soon people will start celebrating the New Year.
Yanukovych: They’re rubber-stamping permits and licenses...and they’ve got regions, business, entrepreneurs and industrialists standing in line. [...] I’ll tell you, I’ve been in that line too. I would never come to Kyiv...alone. Because I didn’t have enough hands. And when we flew...when I flew by plane, two or three [entourage] cars would follow.
Thank you for sharing, Uncle Vitya! Has logistics improved since then?
I mean look at Uncle Lyosha. He looks like he could use a hand.
Presidential candidate Yanukovych: Taxes should be lowered...most notably, by a factor of three, for enterprises where new jobs are created and high tech is introduced. I will give 5-year tax breaks to all small businesses and will exempt...small businesses...from registration fees and all permits paperwork.
How's that for a stump speech/campaign promise?
So here's my Thanksgiving message. (Skip to 40:30.)
Yes, I can see! Great General, I will work harder at the salt mines to get more salt to bring you more happiness. Thank you very much!
If somebody messes with your opposition head, you know who dunnit.
Джерело відео:
Yanukovych: Democracy is not about abusing yourselves. It’s this...constructive approach to life, and not... If you have a competitive platform, be my guest. Make it happen. [...] In one region, they elected five city heads from one party, and the party’s in opposition. So these five city heads will be in opposition? I can’t imagine this. [chuckles] Ho can the head of a city be in opposition? I’ll wring his head off right away — if he doesn’t work on that sewerage, if he doesn’t work on that water and gas. [...] Uh...Ihor Stepanovych here, he’s...uh...in opposition, right? But...
Kalush Mayor Ihor Nasalyk: No, what opposition? Yanukovych [blurts out in Russian]: Ta podozhdi! [Hold it!] “What” [opposition]? I don’t know “what,” but I know he’s...taking care of the city day and night.
So how could Gongadze, the beheaded journalist, be in opposition to Kuchma?
As his sons grab Donetsk land $19/sq m, Ironman waxes sadistic.
Yanukovych: Nobody will be making a business out of the budget in this country, and those pockets that they’ve sewn for themselves — right to their feet — we’ll...✂ chick [snip] them, as the surgeons put it...huh? Right?
Medics: It’s amputate! Amputate! Yanukovych: Those pockets. Hahaha!
This reminds me of a memorable quote from the Soviet miniseries “The Meeting Place Cannot Be Changed.” (It’s a detective drama that achieved cult status in the USSR, starring nonconformist idol Vladimir Vysotsky as Zhyglov.)
WW II has just ended, and two war heroes become cops to wage war on gangs.
In the final episode, Sharapov (the other cop) goes undercover and ends up abducted by the gang he’s been trying to infiltrate.
Not only does he make the gang believe his story, but he also devises a scheme that leads to the gang’s successful stakeout.
Watch the scene, with English subtitles.
Gang leader “Горбатый” (“Hunchback”): “Don't be afraid. It won't hurt when we cut you. Chick, and you're in heaven!” (true-to-original) 6:57-7:03
Party of Regions (Yanukovych/coalition), 29% Batkivshchyna (Tymoshenko/opposition), 13.5% Strong Ukraine (Tihipko/coalition), 12% Front of Change (Yatsenyuk/opposition), 5.4% Svoboda (Tyahnybok/opposition), 3.6% People’s Party (Lytvyn/coalition), 3.2% Communist Party (Symonenko/coalition), 3.1%
In the chemistry of ads, one can detect a strong prevalence of fingerpointex over populismol.
As for me, I prefer this.
In Kyiv, we had a snap local election in 2008, so we’ll pass on this one.
OK, let's get this party started.
People’s Party: 100% populismol
Vote for the “normal” guys who'll make your life “normal.” Astroturfing testimonials. Obviously, Lytvyn tries to distance himself from the “abnormal” coalition that he’s a “paranormal” part of.
A couple of more things. He had a role in the Gongadze murder, right? On top of that, he owns luxury real estate from Taxpayer Real Estate.
Party of Regions: “The party that builds”
Don’t let the Orange time machine throw you back, blah blah blah.
Party of Regions: “Building the New Country”
Whinium, fingerpointex, goodtimex, feelgoodex.
Party of Regions: “Building the New Country” (choreography)
Footloose meets Frankenstein...
Party of Regions: We’re left holding the “Hr. 300,000,000” debt bag
Whinium, bullshitium, fingerpointex, stabilnist whoreship, call to apply for gas subsidies (352,000 households approved as of Sept. 1; the rest must be “rich”)
Batkivshchyna (Fatherland/Tymoshenko): “Reclaim Ukraine,” “They’re building the New Country without Ukraine,” “without you”
Not bad, but no meaculpadeine.
Batkivshchyna: “Only Batkivshchyna will protect you”
Anti-government; attacks prices, corruption, land grabs; but too much paternalismin.
Svoboda (Freedom/Tyahnybok): “Who else will protect your rights in local legislatures?”
Positivex (takes pains to reposition itself from negativex)
Strong Ukraine (Tihipko): “The time has come for the strong ones”
F**k-me-in-both-ears populismol. From a joke of a Yanukovych-friendly party that Merkel should sue for trademark infringement and foul language (picked up by a sensitive mic on a live broadcast).
Green Party: “The future belongs to the Green Party”
Slice-of-death/light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel dramedy; another gold-digger, no green credentials except tons of greenbacks spent on ads.
Watch Vice PM Borys Kolesnikov test-drive a Lviv bus.
Looking good, isn't he?
Too bad he didn’t notice that highway patrol car parked on the roadside.
Voice from the bus: “It’s OK! It’s OK! Nothing will happen to that cops’ car!”
That’s what happens when you break the law — “business as usual” for Ukraine’s elites.
In Ukraine, to drive buses, you need a D driver’s license. (Which doesn’t quite match Kolesnikov’s B license.)
That same day, Kolesnikov bought a replacement car and proudly declared himself ready to face the law. (Which means no one made him face it right away.)
And what does the law say? It says he should be fined $75 and his driver's license suspended.
But can you really do that to a guy who wears a $420,000 watch?
