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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Yanukovych in Another Foot-in-Mouth Scene

They need each other.

Yanukovych needs Kravchuk to legitimize the joys of further rewriting the Constitution. Kravchuk needs Yanukovych to legitimize his inner founding father.

In case you forgot, Kravchuk supported Yanukovych in ‘04, Tymoshenko in ‘10...and now he’s back to basics.

Kravchuk: All presidents come, do something or go as they should, but after President Yanukovych they’ll be saying that no one will ever be willing to change the Constitution.

Yanukovych: Leonid Makarovych [patronymic]...Kravchuk and...he...told me pretty it can be organized, so I made the decision to support this initiative to speak...without revising your proposals, the ones you supplied.

(cunningly), dostupno (clearly)...who cares? It's my way or the highway.

My highway, my hookers.


Yanukovych Rebukes Odesa Governor

All was not humor in Odesa.

Yanukovych: Please let the people through, will ya? I asked you. Or I didn’t make myself clear? Or you’re not managing anything?

Freeze! Let the president through!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Yanukovych Misannounced as ‘Yushchenko’

Some people catch on fast. And some don’t.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the President of Ukraine, Viktor Yushchenko!

YANUKOVYCH! [terrified about his blunder]


Announcer: Sorry, I...I’m sorry...

Can anyone imagine how sorry this guy was?

In Kharkiv, they’d rather be safe than sorry. That’s why they chained the damn wreath... the same shit wouldn't happen to the same guy twice.


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Yanukovych Talks Succession

His worst nightmare: Ukraine meets Egypt.

Yanukovych: It’s very important that we have succession, that both our cabinet and the government as a toward the country’s authority.

Authority. Such a sweet word. Tell it to Mubarak once you grant him asylum at Mezhyhirya.


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Naked Peeing Oligarchlets in ‘Bad Romance’ (Lady Gaga) Parody

We, we, we are epicureans,
Jew-eans, that is, that is!

That’s what they’re singing (1:20-1:23). And boy can they sing!

Wait... “We're not the ones singing this song, but rather it's singing us.” So they say (1:36-1:41).

Anyway, how’s that for a 50th anniversary song for a fellow oligarchlet? Another smash hit, huh?

Hey Bill Clinton, where you at? Don’t you like these guys? I know you like ‘em bigger, but you can still drop by and play sax for them, can’t you?

If they were comedians, they could pass for followers of Borat. Remember that Antisemitism sting of his?

But these guys are no comedians. They’re real oligarchlets. In Europe’s 2nd poorest country, right? Go figure.

Not an apple-to-apple comparison (America’s hardly a poor country), but...

Can you imagine GM, Ford and Chrysler execs in a parody like this?

Or better yet, Toyota, HP, 3M (fill in the blanks) execs having fun in states where they shut down plants and/or ship jobs overseas?


Sunday, February 06, 2011

Yanukovych Slams Corruption, Foreign ‘Hirelings’ (Opposition Only)

There’s no place like Mezhyhirya...and no corruption like the opposition.

Yanukovych: The 20 years of the existence...of the post-Soviet system, an unknown model, a so-called transition one, laid the foundation for global the state. At all levels. [long pause] And when such a strong crushing blow is the bureaucratic system, it certainly reacts...with equal force. That’s why today we...see bureaucracy, corruption in Ukraine being covered up with democratic slogans. They’re lying brazenly, twisting the facts...with stolen money, they’re hiring hirelings — in Europe, in America, inside the country [long pause] — ones who rewrite everything they’re...given — that this bureaucracy and this corruption gives them. And they’re disorienting both the world and Ukrainian society.

Mr. President, you look so hot wearing those glasses. They must have gone all steamy from all that hot air.

Please accept this friendly gift from Poland, for free rides across your Mezhyhirya property, the most pristine and uncorrupt place on earth.

And if you need a few extra votes/bucks, you just let your son/IMF know.

One man, three votes.

You play, we pay!