Share |

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Yanukovych Walks Pro-Govt Reporters Through His Mezhyhirya Residence

He’s just a guy next door.

Enjoy this long-anticipated but kind of limited-view tour! Get the big picture here.

The show hit the airwaves last night (Constitution Day).
Prime time. On just about every major channel.

Out-jogging Tymoshenko

Yanukovych: I believe that every person has the right to a private…life, and there are some areas, like — it’s...doesn’t matter if it’s a politician or not a politician, see — that belongs [sic] to him. And he doesn’t want someone invading…

Kulykov (ICTV): Today, we’ve sneaked a peek into your private life.

Yanukovych: [them]. Well, I do allow…it’s on my permission. I don’t allow just anyone...

Kulykov: And considering...considering...

Yanukovych: ...just anyone. I allow — and every person allows — those whom they allow...those, uh, one has respect for, certain trust in, and you know that this person, they, so to speak, don't carry a big chip on their shoulder. Same with me. I’m like everybody else.

“I’m like everybody else.” Why not put it on this wall?


Monday, June 27, 2011

Yanukovych Wants to ‘Make New Tragedies Possible’

WW II cost Ukraine dearly. At least 7 million Ukrainians died while another 2.2 million worked as slaves.

June 22 marks the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s attack on the Soviet Union. Let’s hear what Yanukovych has to say about this.

Yanukovych: It is our debt of honor to those who died to overcome the shadows of the past, to make new tragedies possible. Challenges to Ukraine’s peaceful future will be met with an immediate and harsh response, no matter where these efforts may come from.

Unemozhlyvyty, umozhlyvyty,
who cares? As long as I’m in charge. Hell, I can even mint my own coins!

But that’s not enough to keep some of my supporters happy.

Even those who get paid to appear at my courtroom rallies get pissed.

Or maybe by “tragedies” I meant Tymoshenko?

What are you gonna do? Charge me with smoking?


Monday, June 20, 2011

PM Azarov Adores Rent-a-Crowd Rallies

“Hold on with the pics ‘cause we don’t know the lines yet.”

Anyway, if you like Azarov, wave your flag and learn the damn lines!

And don't forget to buy him a bunch of these inflatables.

They look like real reforms, don’t they?

Buy him a whole Potemkin village. Give Washington something to praise!

...For better or for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health...


Monday, June 13, 2011

'Very Impressive!' Says Rep. David Dreier (R-CA) of Tymoshenko MP's iPad 2

Very impressive? Hell no! It's business as usual.

Instead of leveling with grassroots Ukraine, U.S. lawmakers turn to Tymoshenko and her golden boys.

  • Never mind that Ukraine's on the verge of default (due in part to Tymoshenko’s gas negotiation skills).
  • Never mind that the iPad 2 equals 3 months of work for the average Ivan in Ukraine.
  • Never mind that it’s this type of elitist affluenza that ruined Tymoshenko's presidential bid in 2010.

Since then, Tymoshenko has gone on Twitter, but hasn't learned a lot, has she? And neither has her Western fan club.


Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Yanukovych Puts Ukraine Behind the Iron Curtain

Ta-da! (4:20)

That's the Iron Curtain that separates Yanukovych from the rest of Ukraine.

And don't you come rallying outside. Not even on Journalists' Day! The guy who runs the nearby village of Novi Petrivtsi went to court to ban rallies.

Reporters then invented this smart excuse: We're here to see if the court order is carried out.

Meanwhile, in Donetsk...

If you got a problem with Yanukovych's eldest son building a parking lot in your backyard, you get beaten by his goons. Now you know why he named his construction company MAKO.

And here's the good news: Ukraine has finally completed the Fool And His Nukes Are Soon Parted program
. As of June 8, 2011, there's no enriched uranium left.

It's time for the International Maids Fu** to ship more enriched oligarchium.


Monday, June 06, 2011

FEMEN’s Topless Oleksandra Shevchenko Recites Taras Shevchenko’s Poetry

It's summer. It's hot. It's FEMEN again.

Quite a patriotic comeback after that creepy photo shoot with an anti-Ukrainian douche bag?

Politically, Ukraine seems to have fallen into a siesta.

If you’re a journalist and you’re outside Yanukovych’s Mezhyhirya residence on Journalists’ Day, you get the cake and flowers.

He forgot the sleeping pills, didn't he?