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Friday, December 31, 2010

Yushchenko’s Brother: ‘Any Government Is From God’

In Government=God we trust.

Reporter: Will you be listening to Yanukovych this year [New Year’s address]?
MP Petro Yushchenko (NUNS):
Sure, I will!

You’re willing to?

Petro Yushchenko:
It’s a’s a’s a choiceeeee...uh...under...any government is from God!
Thank God you and your bro got to keep your government apartment and dacha respectively!

God bless Ukraine!


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Lutsenko’s Wife Curses Prosecutor: ‘You’re Gonna Be Impotent!’

Forget Tamiflu! Think Viagra!

Lutsenko’s wife: How can one tolerate such a lie? It’s just impossible! Why are you staring at me? Why are you staring at me, liar? You’re gonna be impotent! I’m looking right into your eyes. You’re gonna be impotent!

Power can be soooo sexy. Losing power sux.

He lost his power, but not his sense of humor.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

FEMEN: ‘We Are the Watch Bitches of Democracy!’

Join the party!

(The FEMEN political party, that is.)

We are Ukrainian women. We are the FEMEN movement. We are the watch bitches of democracy! Our god: woman. Our weapon: bare breasts. Our goal: government. European Union, accept us! Kremlin, leave us alone! Ukraine, let’s be together! Ukrainian women, come join us, get topless and win!

If some of that sounds naïve, join this Ukrainian Army beauty contest.


Friday, December 17, 2010

4 Opposition MPs in Hospital, Beaten by Majority

Blood on the dance floor again!

This time, Yanukovych boys beat the democracy out of Tymoshenko's BYuT.

Casualties: 4 BYuTies hospitalized with various injuries (1 in pretty bad shape).

The Party of Regions. The party that builds!


Monday, December 13, 2010

Yanukovych (FY 2011: $42.9M) v. Bush (FY 2007: $12.4M)

He talks small government.

And then he outspends the White House 3.45 to 1.

Yanukovych: These people that will be dismissed, they will receib...receive corr...corresponding severance packages upon dismissal, in accordance with the law. [...] The benefits...from the reduction of government officials’ headcount will not transpire until 2012. From then on, every year, undoubtedly, we’ll have quite substantial savings.

You mean, having 16 ministers instead of 24 will save us a fortune? Awesome! But wait... Is that the whole story?

It’s not. I mean look at the State Directorate for Affairs. This funny-name agency acts as the nanny state to Ukraine’s mammoth central government bureaucracy.

In FY 2011, its budget will balloon 27%, or by Hr. 292,856,700 ($36,822,962), to Hr. 1,343,862,300 ($168,973,394).

Now what about the Administration of the President? Wanna see the color of his money?

FY 2011: Hr. 204,743,300 ($25,743,835)

FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

That’s just one ambiguous presidential line item. The other two items, maintenance and foreign travel:

FY 2011: Hr. 107,396,200 ($13,503,690)

FY 2010: Hr. 131,968,700 ($16,593,366)

FY 2011: Hr. 29,151,500 ($3,665,426)

FY 2010: Hr. 26,526,300 ($3,335,340)

So whatta we got?

$42.9M for Yanukovych (FY 2011) v. $12.4M for Bush (FY 2007).

You’d think Ukraine’s GDP per capita beats that of the U.S. by a factor of 3.45.

Oh no...

Nominal GDP per capita: Ukraine ($2,600) v. U.S. ($46,400)

Special thanks to the IMF for your continued support!

Your last standby program caught us in Nov. 2008, when we had a population of 46,200,000. As of Sept. 1, 2010, we still had
45,831,400 left.

Can we downsize it to, say, 25 million over the next two decades?


Monday, December 06, 2010

Protesters Out, Yolka In (Yanukovych Speaketh)

Perimeter secured!

Ever wonder who stole that tent city? And why?

Because the rule of the laws of Ukraine is compulsory for all. Kyiv, they’re already setting up, on the very spot where the protesters’ tents stood, they’re already setting up the New Year...[struggles with Ukrainian, settles for Russian]...YOLKA [tree], and very-very soon people will start celebrating the New Year.

In other words, “Sapogi dorogu znayut. The boots know the road.”

So does the yolka, the New Year tree. It makes people happy and protesters scarce.

Happy New Year, Mr. YanukovGrinch!


Friday, December 03, 2010

Police Trash Anti-Tax Code Protesters' Camp

After concessions, a crackdown!

Democracy, Yanukovych-style.

Police state Україна (Ukraine)

Happy New Year, Mr. President!

Police arrested up to 10 protesters (1 ended up in the hospital).

Visit Mustafa Nayem's blog for more crackdown pics.

And yes, Yanukovych called the crackdown democratic.

He knows what he's talking about.

I've been dreaming of this for six years.

Democracy was dismantled here.

Pics from Olena Bilozerska's post-crackdown report.


Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Yanukovych Admits to Giving Bribes?

He minces pockets. But he doesn’t mince words.

Yanukovych: They’re rubber-stamping permits and licenses...and they’ve got regions, business, entrepreneurs and industrialists standing in line. [...] I’ll tell you, I’ve been in that line too. I would never come to Kyiv...alone. Because I didn’t have enough hands. And when we flew...when I flew by plane, two or three [entourage] cars would follow.

Thank you for sharing, Uncle Vitya! Has logistics improved since then?

I mean look at Uncle Lyosha. He looks like he could use a hand.