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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Rivals Clash in Local Election Ads

Will the October 31 local elections be free and fair? Go figure!

The ruling Party of Regions will tell you that its approval ratings (41.5% in May v. 29% in Oct) have gone the way of Obama.

Meanwhile, the opposition will tell you everything you need to know about adminresurs (government foul play).

Seven parties should make it, according to the latest Razumkov poll.

Party of Regions (Yanukovych/coalition), 29%
Batkivshchyna (Tymoshenko/opposition), 13.5%
Strong Ukraine (Tihipko/coalition), 12%
Front of Change (Yatsenyuk/opposition), 5.4%
Svoboda (Tyahnybok/opposition), 3.6%
People’s Party (Lytvyn/coalition), 3.2%
Communist Party (Symonenko/coalition), 3.1%

In the chemistry of ads, one can detect a strong prevalence of fingerpointex over populismol.

As for me, I prefer this.

In Kyiv, we had a snap local election in 2008, so we’ll pass on this one.

OK, let's get this party started.

People’s Party: 100% populismol

Vote for the “normal” guys who'll make your life “normal.”
Astroturfing testimonials. Obviously, Lytvyn tries to distance himself from the “abnormal” coalition that he’s a “paranormal” part of.

A couple of more things. He had a role in the Gongadze murder, right? On top of that, he owns luxury real estate from Taxpayer Real Estate.

Party of Regions: “The party that builds”

Don’t let the Orange time machine throw you back, blah blah blah.

Party of Regions:
“Building the New Country”

Whinium, fingerpointex, goodtimex, feelgoodex.

Party of Regions: “Building the New Country” (choreography)

Footloose meets Frankenstein...

Party of Regions: We’re left holding the “Hr. 300,000,000” debt bag

Whinium, bullshitium, fingerpointex, stabilnist whoreship, call to apply for gas subsidies (352,000 households approved as of Sept. 1; the rest must be “rich”)

Batkivshchyna (Fatherland/Tymoshenko): “Reclaim Ukraine,” “They’re building the New Country without Ukraine,” “without you”

Not bad, but no meaculpadeine.

Batkivshchyna: “Only Batkivshchyna will protect you”

Anti-government; attacks prices, corruption, land grabs; but too much paternalismin.

Svoboda (Freedom/Tyahnybok): “Who else will protect your rights in local legislatures?”

Positivex (takes pains to reposition itself from negativex)

Strong Ukraine (Tihipko): “The time has come for the strong ones”

Pro-government, economy, “better living,” “hard road,” bullshitium

Front of Change (Yatsenyuk): “Have faith in your country,” “Change your future”

Anti-government; change this, change that; dontgiveupium; attacks soaring prices, taxes, unemployment

Yevroremont (European-style renovation/perestroika)

F**k-me-in-both-ears populismol. From a joke of a Yanukovych-friendly party that Merkel should sue for trademark infringement and foul language (picked up by a sensitive mic on a live broadcast).

Green Party: “The future belongs to the Green Party”

Slice-of-death/light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel dramedy; another gold-digger, no green credentials except tons of greenbacks spent on ads.

Meet the whole funny farm (30 ads) here.


Friday, October 29, 2010

Vice PM Test-Drives Bus, Breaks Traffic Rules, Hits Police Car

From “The Party That Builds”...

Watch Vice PM Borys Kolesnikov test-drive a Lviv bus.

Looking good, isn't he?

Too bad he didn’t notice that highway patrol car parked on the roadside.

Voice from the bus: “It’s OK! It’s OK! Nothing will happen to that cops car!”

That’s what happens when you break the law — “business as usual” for Ukraine’s elites.

In Ukraine, to drive buses, you need a D driver’s license. (Which doesn’t quite match Kolesnikov’s B license.)

That same day, Kolesnikov bought a replacement car and proudly declared himself ready to face the law. (Which means no one made him face it right away.)

And what does the law say? It says he should be fined $75 and his driver's license suspended.

But can
you really do that to a guy who wears a $420,000 watch?

Not really. Not in Ukraine.

Not unless he lets you.


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Putin Got Bruised in Ukraine?

Tough love from Yanukovych?

That's what happens when our oligarchs don't get the gas rates they need.

Revenge of The Candyman!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Topless FEMEN Protests Putin's Visit

Oops, they did it again!

“Ukrayina is no Alina” [Putin's rumored lover Alina Kabayeva]

Notice how Lenin keeps looking for Putin.

“Kremlin dwarfs, take a hike” “Judo fighter, go fight others” “You don't fuck us

“You don't bend us over like that

No, Tymoshenko didn't show up.


'Constitution' on '404 Page not found'

Looking for something?

It sure doesn’t.


Monday, October 25, 2010

Yanukovych Addresses Harper as 'Har...Hyper'


Yanukovych: First of all, I would like to greet Mr. Stephen Har...Hyper on...uh...his visit to Ukraine — on his long-awaited visit to Ukraine.

Well, now that Harper has hyped about those “reassurances” that freedom and democracy are respected in Ukraine...

Maybe Yanukovych does speak a little English, after all?


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

BBC Corners Yanukovych on Roads and Taxes

He puts the people first. Or does he?

Yanukovych: I’m your question. Surprised.
BBC reporter: Why?

Yanukovych [takes a deep breath]: What roads do top officials use? You just...I...I’ll tell you some research. I know what people are saying. I’m saying this myself. I’m saying this myself. Do some research on how many roads were reconstructed and built last year and how many this year. Not that it makes me tick, but I’ll tell you at least twice as many. Do it. It’s official data. That’s first of all. Second of all, undoubtedly, from the highways we should move on to roads of...sec...secondary importance, ones that are used by...those [ordinary] people...uh...and...these roads...should be...put in order as well. The problem did not arise overnight. It’s...uh...what we inherited from our predecessors. Check out the stats. Do you believe the stats or not? Take a look at what was done during the [last] five years by our predecessors in any given area. Take any indicator. You’ll see that it all went like this. Downhill. Why? Try answering this question. Just be honest. Unbiased. Yes, that goes for you too. I would like to have journalists tell the truth. I really would like to. Now that will be freedom of speech. So I’m telling you: Year after year...there will be increases in the volume of roads being built, road reconstruction and road quality. This issue has been set forth harshly, and it will be implemented.

Did you hear that? Yeah, it’s him! It’s the “Ukraine for the People”-“I hear everyone”- “red-hot iron” man speaking.

You may remember him serving as PM (August 2006 through December 2007).

Now that he’s been promoted... about we ask him a couple of questions?

Why did he spend 50 million tax hryvnias on his Mezhyhirya
home-sweet-home road?

Let me guess. Euro 2012 made him do it!

At least, that’s the official explanation supplied by Ukravtodor, the state-run ($15M/km ‘08) road construction company.

And what about those rural roads and the low-caste aborigines that use them? They can wait. The Millennium Development Goals told him so, right?

Forget the Yanukovych-only road. Try the Mezhyhirya one! There’s room for everyone now. What’s good for Yanukovych is good for Ukraine!

Still mad at him for blocking traffic as he passes by? Wait until he goes airborne!


Monday, October 11, 2010

Tihipko: Bad Relations With Russia Ukraine’s Fault

The Kremlin Apologists Club welcomes a new member: Serhiy Tihipko.

He’s the honest guy who plays with jets, goes to the gym and runs Strong Ukraine.

He also blames Ukraine for the gas-meat-milk wars of 2006-2010.

Vice PM Tyhipko: We had problems for 5 years, ones that were...uh...caused primarily by politics, by Ukraine’s politics, I believe. And I can say that many Ukrainian companies were suffering because of this, suffering badly. The normalization of relations has now resolved these issues.

It would a shame not to recall Aesop’s The Wolf and the Lamb, poetically adapted by Russian fabulist Ivan Krylov:

«Ах, я чем виноват?» — «Молчи! устал я слушать,
Досуг мне разбирать вины твои, щенок!
Ты виноват уж тем, что хочется мне кушать». —
Сказал и в тёмный лес Ягнёнка поволок.


And Tihipko.


Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Bill Clinton Praises Ukraine’s Democracy (No Joke!)

If they do a remake of “See No Evil, Hear No Evil,” Bill Clinton should be in it!

In 1995, Clinton told Ukrainians that “The toil is bitter, but the harvest is sweet.”

“In the pursuit of peace and prosperity, you have been well-served by President Kuchma and his government's bold and farsighted leadership,” he added.

At that point, Kuchma made a bold and farsighted decision. He traded the world’s third-largest nuclear arsenal for what would become a billion-dollar fortune in one of Europe’s poorest countries.

Clinton? He keeps coming back to what’s now the land of opportunity for the oligarchs and their friends.

Let’s hear what he has to say, shall we?

Bill Clinton: After the election, nobody was put in jail, nobody was poisoned...

Well, one reporter went missing, some got beaten, and the Constitution got raped. But that’s OK with you, right?

Btw, your friend Kuchma says the CIA killed Gongadze (on your watch). Any comments?

Video embedded from:
Original source:

Yanukovych Recites ‘Ukrainian’ Proverb (In Russian, Of Course!)

Ever seen a comedy starring presidents and oligarchs? Try YES.

The 7th annual oligarchfest has attracted the greatest number of VIPs so far.

Javier Solana and Aleksander Kwaśniewski (permanent fixtures, to name just a few).

Moving on: Bill Clinton...

How much this time, Bill?

That much?

Bruce Jackson reportedly showed up too. (Mr. McCain, as you support Ukraine, who do your associates support?)

And, YES, there was no shortage of comedy: premoderated questions, canned answers, misspelled names and communication gaps.

Solana: Would you go to Brussels again if you were elected president today?

Yanukovych [in Ukrainian]: Yes, there’s...there’s this really old proverb, a Ukrainian one, I guess [switches from Ukrainian to Russian]: “Sapogi dorogu znayut.” [“The boots know the road.”] That’s why...

Moderator: Let’s hope, then, you have good sapogi!

It turns out to be a Soviet Army joke, thanks to the interpretation supplied by Ukrayinska Pravda’s Serhiy Leshchenko.

Q: How do you get home drunk like that?
A: How? The boots know the road!

I wonder if Yanukovych actually went off the script with that one. What if he didn’t?

That sapogi thing sounds so true-to-life!


Friday, October 01, 2010

Yanukovych Praises Man Who Raises Taxes on Small Businesses

Yanukovych promised tax breaks for small businesses. Read his lips now.

And watch Mykhailo Brodsky’s 29 seconds of fame.

Yanukovych: You had...have no idea how many...enemies you’ve made over this short period of time. But I understand very well...who your friends and your enemies are. Your friends are entrepreneurs, and your enemies are officials...who...whose bread you’re taking away, so to speak. Because over the years, their pockets have reached their feet, you know.

Many entrepreneurs would argue the opposite.

And it’s not just those secondhand clothing dealers who supply Ukrainians with used but quality stuff they can afford.

Brodsky, who mixes his luxury lifestyle with deregulation rhetoric, wants flea markets out of business starting next year.

From Kharkiv to Lviv, thousands have protested the crackdown.

So if you read Russian, go to Brodsky’s blog and find out what people think.

The guy runs the State Regulatory Policy and Entrepreneurship Committee.

Video uploaded from:
Original source: