PM Azarov Adores Rent-a-Crowd Rallies

“Hold on with the pics ‘cause we don’t know the lines yet.”



Anyway, if you like Azarov, wave your flag and learn the damn lines!

And don't forget to buy him a bunch of these inflatables.



They look like real reforms, don’t they?

Buy him a whole Potemkin village. Give Washington something to praise!


...For better or for worse,
For richer for poorer,
In sickness and in health...

Sources:
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172295/azarov_iskrenne_raduetsya_zakaznomu_mitingu_v_ego_podderjku_normalno_eto_nashi_lyudi_video
http://1tv.com.ua
http://censor.net.ua/ru/video_news/view/172340/rossiyiskiyi_ekspert_nashi_tanki_i_raketnye_kompleksy_sduvaet_vetrom_vo_vremya_perevozki_video
http://newsru.com
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/24624/person_id/8.phtml

Azarov, Kravchuk Take Bows After Yanukovych Lets Them

Happy Unity Day!

Yanukovych: And I bow down.

And they bow down too.

Luckily, no wreath attacks this time. Just a couple of clockwork oranges.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2011/01/23/5823918/
http://5.ua

Azarov Spells Ivano-Frankivsk As If It’s Named After Dictator Franco

If you’ve lived in Ukraine for decades and still haven’t learned Ukrainian, you vote for the Party of Regions.

But if you repeatedly misspell one of Ukraine’s oblasts in Russian, the Party of Regions owes you a spot on its ticket.

“Ivano-FrAnkovsk” is how PM Azarov spells Ivano-FrankOvsk (Russian for Ivano-Frankivsk).



As if it’s named after Spanish dictator Francisco Franco, not after Ukrainian poet-writer Ivan Franko.

For krovosisi’s sake, don’t we already have “poetess Anna Akhmetova” and “great poet” Chekhov on our books?







Well, if you read Chekhov extensively, you'd find poetry galore. Which makes Yanukovych a well-read person, Herman says.



Which, in turn, emboldens Yanukovych to stand his ground in describing Chekhov as a “wonderful poet.”

Call it what you will, but Patriarch Kirill says Yanukovych “serves the cause of the spiritual enlightenment of his people.”



Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/07/22/5242022
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uYJ6C7t2lo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPXooNOPeI0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAvG78gESnk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXTKJPqIhYY
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/17766.phtml

Yanukovych Preps Azarov for Ukrainian (Off-Air Leak)

Language barriers exist between Ukraine’s top two officials, in violation of the law.

Well, who gives a vuzeli about the laws and the languages anyway?

President Yanukovych [informal Russian]: Well, I’ll be addressing you...in the Ukrainian language. [switches to formal Ukrainian] Mykola Yanukovych [name, patronymic], I would like to hear you out...on the current situation — on issues of relevance.

Not quite as dramatic as Tymoshenko’s “everything’s gone” leak, but still didactic.

Keep them coming, guys!

Watch another snippet of the conversation.



Azarov gloats over the drought in Russia, which, he says, bodes well for Ukraine’s agricultural exports.

Which actually means the grain traders and VAT rebate folks will line their pockets, leaving the farmers with nickels and dimes.

Videos embedded from:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/person/4c470acd5e2a1
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/165648.html
Original source:
http://www.1tv.com.ua

Azarov Keen on ‘Cheating Our Population’ (Freudian Slip)

Machiavelli meets Malthus meets Freud.

PM Azarov: We have everything! And the laws too... There’s only one thing missing: the very system...that allows...[glances down]...cheating our population, our people...and none of the officials bears any responsibility for this.

Official translation: We have everything. And we have the laws. We don’t possess only one thing - the system itself. Another «system» is functioning that allows deceive our people and none of the officials bears any responsibility for this.

We do have that system, Mr. Azarov! And it doesn't get lost in translation.

Promise: deregulate, lower taxes
Practice: raise taxes for small businesses, kill the outsourcing industry

Promise: “wild capitalism” over
Practice: Luhanskteplovoz re-grabitized at half the market price

Promise: make seniors happy
Practice: raise the retirement age to 65

Life expectancy at birth (UN)
Men: 62.1
Women: 73.8
Country rank: 123 out of 195

Defined benefit pension gap
1990: 8.6
2009: 84.6

Population
1992: 52.24
2010: 45.89 (April)




All systems go!



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/162457.html
Original source: http://ictv.ua

FEMEN Breast Protest Pokes Fun at Azarov

Hardly a week passes by without FEMEN doing boobs and circuses.

This week, they target PM Azarov's broken Ukrainian, rampant misgovernment and outrageous sexism.

Specifically, they elaborate on the PM’s hilariously mangled version of the Ukrainian word for bloodsuckers that he uttered last week in a finger-pointing speech.



He should have said кровососи (krovososy) but came out with кровосісі (krovosisi), which sounds like bloody titties.

FEMEN, in turn, seized the opportunity to produce a collection of mock body art, enshrouded in feminine mystique.







Sources:
http://femen.livejournal.com/66090.html
http://www.youtube.com/user/FEMENmovement
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/focus/4c0e3b6836199/
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2010/06/2/5099399/

Community Circus Day

As the ambassadors of Lithuania and Britain invented cleanup diplomacy, Yanukovych and Azarov invented the guilt-tripped subbotnik.

Yanukovych: Let me be honest: I invented it — this day. That’s right. When I convened the governors for the first time, I asked, I said: “I’ve been to many towns during many campaigns. The amount of dirt I saw there — I’d never seen so much before. When do we get to clean up all this dirt? When do we get to put some order? When do we start to plant some trees?

Azarov: Where there’s garbage, we’ll tell Lenoid Mykhailovych [Kyiv Mayor’s name, patronymic] right way: Lenoid Mykhailovych, get out of the bus, get a shovel and clean that garbage with those who are supposed to do it. Our capital, our country’s capital doesn’t have to be full of garbage.

So let’s plant a few trees here, drop a few publicity bombs there and call it a day?

How about regular cleanups?

How about awareness?

How about a policy of sticks and carrots (smart subsidies, fines, eco-friendly packaging, reusable bags, etc)?

How about a recycling industry?

How about a culture of environmental stewardship as opposed to a culture of grabitization?

Video embedded from:
http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MzYwNzYmdnQ9MA

Easter Greetings: Yanukovych, Azarov, Lytvyn, Tymoshenko

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome The 30 Pieces of Silver Band!

Why 30? There are 29 ministers in the new government, all of them men. The woman didn't make it. She’s on her own.

So, in this particular quartet, we have three men in a USSR 2-bound boat and one woman in a yellow-blue submarine.



Yanukovych: mentions the diaspora (presumably, the last wave of labor migration); talks reconstruction, honesty, “ideals of truth and goodness.”

Azarov: enjoy the art of broken Ukrainian from a man who has lived in Ukraine for decades and has occupied senior government positions.

Lytvyn: very slow (are those $4.3K cufflinks wrapped too tight?).

Tymoshenko: dresses like a pysanka, smiles, talks “victories of good over evil,” “light over darkness,” urges “faith, love and hope” over “greed and fear.”

After studying the initials in these four names, I arrived at what looks like a coded message: YALT. Could this be a distress signal from Yalta European Strategy?

They really need to get their strategy in order. Maybe a few more guest speakers? Let me think. How about James Baker, Warren Christopher, Al Gore or Michel Camdessus?

George H. W. “Chicken Kiev” Bush could repeat his trademark skydive. I’m sure he wouldn’t miss Mezhyhirya or some oligarch’s helipad in Koncha-Zaspa.

I just don’t get it. If giving Ukraine the finger was right, then what’s wrong with Ukraine giving in to Russia?

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/154883.html
Original source: http://5.ua

Yanukovych Greets Women

If you’re looking for a crash course in comparing Mother’s Day to International Women’s Day, look here.

In the West, it’s about people honoring their mothers and discussing women’s rights.

In Ukraine, it’s a about flowers, champagne, sexism and sweet nothings. Welcome to the traditional gender stereotypefest 2010! Let the Macho-in-Chief speak.

President Yanukovych: Dear women, our lovely, responsive, cherished, and always wonderful ones! It’s the holiday of spring again and we greet the better half of Ukraine: our mothers, wives, daughters and sisters, the keepers of our household fireplace. We love you. We’re enchanted by you, dear women! We honor you for your patience, wisdom, faithfulness, and for the love in your hearts. There’s nothing holier in this world than a woman who gave life to children and taught them their first steps. It is by no accident that treatment of women, they say, defines a society’s level of culture. We are all indebted to you, dear women. The state owes you, but we will rectify the situation. May you have love, wisdom, health, joy and may all your dreams come true. Be happy, dear women! Greetings to you!

Naturally, his lineup of gender roles for women didn’t include rivals, such as this sotto voce lady.

Ukraine’s new cabinet holds the record for being the continent’s only “no women” cabinet.

PM Azarov’s “It’s not women’s business to pass reforms in Ukraine” quote has irked Viola von Cramon-Taubadel of the Bundestag Greens. Naturally, Azarov claims being misquoted.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/151668.html
Original source: http://5.ua

Herman Prescribes Mopeds for Gov’t (‘Ugh,’ Not for Hers)

Talk is cheap.

Deputy Chief of Staff Hanna Herman: And the government in Ukraine — in a poor country like this — has to use mopeds. And that will be right.
Host: And what will Azarov use?

Herman: Ughhhhh...iiiiit's...I think that the premierrrrr caaaaan walk on foot if he lives nearby. He can use a bike, for example. I once was witness to the defense minister of Poland, uh, coming to work on a bicycle, uh, and, you know, he had this peg on...on his pants so he wouldn’t touch the chain. I think the government in a poor country, uh, has to behave modestly, aaaaand I think that we all understand this and we all will be thinking about it, thinking at least.

Let’s think about it.


Ready...


Set...


Go!

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/152877.html
Original source: http://5.ua

Coalition of Carcasses Confirms Azarov as PM

The Coalition of Stabilnist and Reform (aka the Coalition of Carcasses) Thursday confirmed Mykola Azarov, a Party of Regions stalwart, as PM.





The Coalition totals 235 MPs and owes its unofficial name to recently amended rules of order that base coalitions on MPs, not factions.

Coalition breakdown:

Party of Regions
Communist Party
Lytvyn Bloc

BYuT: Vitaliy Barvinenko, Volodymyr Kapliyenko, Hennadiy Zadyrko, Hryhoriy Omelchenko, Yuriy Poluneyev, Ihor savchenko, Oleh Cherpitsky

NUNS: Yuriy But, Stanislav Dovhy, Oleksandr Omelchenko, Ihor Palytsya, Ivan Plyushch, Volodymyr Polyachenko

Non-aligned (renegades/castaways): Taras Chornovil, Inna Bohoslovska, Ihor Rybakov, Vasyl Kiselyov

Azarov gathered 242 votes, including 8 from BYuT and 11 from NUNS.

BYuT: Vitaliy Barvinenko, Andriy Verevsky, Volodymyr Kapliyenko, Hennadiy Zadyrko, Hryhoriy Omelchenko, Yuriy Polyneyev, Ihor Savchenko, Oleh Chepitsky

NUNS: Yuriy But, Stanislav Dovhy, Davyd Zhvaniya, Ivan Plyushch, Volodymyr Polyachenko, Viktor Shemchuk, Serhiy Vasylenko, Oleksandr Klymenko, Oleksandr Omelchenko, Ihor Palytsya, Oleksandr Slobodyan

Non-aligned (renegades/castaways): Taras Chornovil, Inna Bohoslovska, Ihor Rybakov, Vasyl Kiselyov

Not only does this creative arrangement violate a 2008 ruling by the Constitutional Court of Ukraine, but it also violates President Yanukovych’s oath of office.

Back-to-opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko has promised to take her case to the Constitutional Court.

As of 12:33 Kyiv time, Cabinet members are being confirmed.

Sources:
http://pravda.com.ua/photo-video/2010/03/11/4853470/
http://pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/03/11/4852864/
http://pravda.com.ua/news/2010/03/11/4852480/
http://pravda.com.ua/news/2010/03/11/4851629/
http://pravda.com.ua/news/2010/03/11/4852165/
http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/

How Tymoshenko Got Fired

Ukrayinska Pravda recaps Tymoshenko’s ouster, with video from the Rada Channel.


Would-be PM Azarov rips outgoing PM Tymoshenko


PM Tymoshenko strikes back


Speaker Lytvyn puts her to a vote
Yea:
PRU, 172
BYuT, 7
NUNS, 15
CPU, 27
LyB, 19

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/03/3/4827934/
http://www.rada.gov.ua/~dtrp/

Yushchenko: Govt Piled Up Debt "Like a Bitch Piles Up Lice"

The last “Svoboda na Interi” (“Freedom on Inter”) show featured Yushchenko, Yanukovych and Tymoshenko in a heated debate that highlighted the show’s name.

President Yushchenko: Don’t flirt with people. Your flirtations work for 5-6 months. Then comes this audience and asks these questions: Why do we have inflation at an annual rate of 22 percent? Who did it? The global crisis? That’s bull! The whole crisis is sitting right here.

PM Tymoshenko: I realize that as Premier I don’t get much sympathy from you — neither from your party nor from your owners. But I will see to it that that people are treated fairly.

MP Azarov, PRU, speaking in Russian: First of all, Yulia Vladimirovna, I want to tell you that personally, as a woman, you have my deep sympathy… [roar of laughter]… so there’s no need for the accusation that our faction does not like you and so on. But your proposals don’t have my sympathy.

Opposition leader Yanukovych: It’s very hard to believe. I do, I do want to believe you, Yulia Volodymyrivna, but it’s very hard because you’re a…

Talk show host: Viktore Fedorovychu, Viktore Fedorovychu*…

Yanukovych: …a nat…a natural opposition leader, and still you work in the government. You’re in the wrong business.

Tymoshenko: Frankly speaking, I’m disturbed to the bone by these huge men who left the country with a ruined economy, and we are now step-by-step putting it back on its feet.

Yushchenko: The government stayed in power for a year or half a year, piled up debt, pardon the expression, like a bitch piles up lice, and when the time comes to pay the government’s debt to NAK Naftogaz, we make it look like it’s not our responsibility.

*Inflected first name and patronymic as used in addressing a person; the host’s correct Ukrainian usage puts her at odds with most Ukrainian politicians, who rarely observe this rule of declension.

That’s a memorable expression for our President to seek pardon for in a live broadcast.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/101111.html
Original Source: http://www.inter.ua

Azarov Adds Apples to Oranges

MP Mykola Azarov, PRU, former Finance Minister: No questions, I just want to say that the State Treasury accounts contained 12 billion in foreign exchange and 12 billion in UAH, a total of 24 billion, Nikolai Ivanovich.

[addressing Mykola Syvulsky, chief of the Control and Inspection Directorate (Ukr acronym: KRU), the rough Ukrainian equivalent of the Government Accountability Office]

When an ordinary person misspeaks or miscalculates, you probably realize the same thing can happen to you. But when a former Finance Minister says something that strange, you start doing the math.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/80465.html

Regionalist’s Digest

Sounds like the voice of experience, doesn’t it? Welcome to our latest digest on things Regionalist.

The opinion of the "people" who care so much about public opinion is nothing to be afraid of. Enjoy!

Introductory address of V.F.Yanukovych, the Chairman of the Party of Regions faction in the Verkhovna Rada of Ukraine at the opposition government

23.01.2008, 15:11

Dear colleagues!

Let me congratulate you at this year's first meeting of our government.

I should say that the first weeks of the new year and the first steps of the Cabinet of Ministers of Tymoshenko testify that the economy of Ukraine anticipates a crisis period.

Tymoshenko's government, as it is already visible, settles and will settle a political task exceptionally to prepare groundings for presidential elections of Tymoshenko.

Thus, this government will live only for today and care not for future generations, but for the upcoming elections.

Therefore we are those who should take care of our country's return to its long-term and stable development.

Our task is to return the society to reforms. We should realize the enormous dimensions of a danger that will face the state where the government instead of being engaged in effective management of the economy, instead of development has chosen a strategy of wasting, a path of flirting with voters for the sake of achieving the only aim – presidential elections.

What do I suggest today to concentrate our attention on?

The first and the most important. Today it has become absolutely obvious that the BYUT pre-election slogans about the best and the most modern program of all times and people, allegedly composed of the proposals of each and every, were only another example of populism and pre-election lie.

Instead of a specific program of action the Tymoshenko Government proposed a collection of populist slogans and dreams.

So-called "Ukrainian breach" is nothing but alienation from reality, from pragmatism, from specific approaches to settle particular tasks.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/faces/47b93b05149e8/


Yuriy Boyko: Ukraine is the most direct way from gas and oil fields of Siberia to Europe

26.02.2008, 18:37

‘The main suppliers of energy resources have grave alternatives given increasing demand. Ukraine is the most direct way from gas and oil fields of Siberia to Europe’, - stated People’s Deputy of Ukraine Yuriy Boyko today in Brussels in his speech at the 10th meeting of the EU-Ukraine parliamentary collaboration committee.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47c4404d5532e/


Yuriy Boyko: The situation with gas supply to Ukraine imposes a real threat

20.02.2008, 17:56

People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction member Yuriy Boyko stated during the TV channel ‘Rada’ live broadcast that all accusations of Prime Minister Tymoshenko against ‘RosUkrEnergo’ company are aimed only at distracting public attention from what occurred in the country on the grounds of unauthorized gas extraction:

- Since 1999 our country has not had such ‘experience’ as unauthorized extraction and uncontrolled use of gas. Unfortunately, in January of this year we encountered this case. And any explanation introduced by the governmental officials on this occasion is not worth Ukraine’s loss of an image of a reliable, predictable partner on supply and transit of energy carriers to Europe.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47bc4da4cfe63/


Nickolay Azarov: The state should be interested in forming a competitive domestic producer

25.02.2008, 12:22

The Parliamentary Committee on Finance and Banking chairman Nickolay Azarov told ‘Economicheskie izvestiya’ about his vision of the economic policy that should be implemented in Ukraine.

- Social payments from the budget are currently the main reason of price increase. How long could a double rise in population’s profits relative to the economic growth rate be conducted?

- A challenge of priority between development and consumption is age-old for any government. It is even compared to the tale of eggs and a hen. However, consumption cannot advance without economic development of the country as a whole. It is just as difficult as to ensure high rate and high quality of development without appropriate improvement of consumption pattern. These two priorities cannot be contrasted with each other. But a source of financing these priorities is one - the gross domestic product of the country. It is constant and unique source.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/faces/47c296c9943e9/


Sergiy Lyovochkin: The programme of Viktor Yanukovych’s visit to Brussels has been confirmed

25.02.2008, 16:58

People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction deputy head Sergiy Lyovochkin stated about confirmation of the programme of Viktor Yanukovych’s visit to Brussels.

It should be noted that the visit program of the Party of Regions parliamentary faction Head V.Yanukovych also includes a reserved time for his meeting with NATO Secretary General Jaap de Hoop Scheffer.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47c2d7ae5481a/


Anatoly Kinakh: Huge latent funds deficit at the rate of 4.7% GDP is inherent in the 2008 state budget

22.02.2008, 17:55

People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction member, the USPP president Anatoly Kinakh noted that huge latent funds deficit at the rate of 4,7% GDP was inherent in the 2008 state budget, ‘RBC-Ukraine’ informs.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47bef0547900a/


Iryna Gorina: Our leaders are wise enough to reach an agreement, define key priorities of the state development and begin profound work as soon as possible

22.02.2008, 17:45

People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction member Iryna Gorina on the air of TV channel ‘Rada’ stated that a covenant on overcoming the political crisis that is planned to be signed by parliamentary factions leaders, should be based on agreements about key priorities of the state development.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47beee185cfe6/


Yuriy Miroshnichenko: The Prime Minister, understanding the failure of her Moscow intentions, has decided to launch repressions within our country now

22.02.2008, 16:05

A comment of People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction member Yuriy Miroshnichenko about certain actions of the Prime Minister in the sphere of gas relations:

- Yulia Tymoshenko’s efforts to inspect agreements between the President of Ukraine and the President of Russia, her attempt to create her own corruption scheme of gas relations between Ukraine and Russia taking into account the «EESU», «ISD» and «Itera» interests (representatives of which took part in Moscow negotiations) proved to be vain.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47bed6c75e269/


Alexander Stoyan: The coalition should understand that we are the force that is to be considered

20.02.2008, 12:55

People’s Deputy, the Party of Regions parliamentary faction member Alexander Stoyan in an interview to ‘SN-Stolichnye Novosti’ newspaper stated that the coalition members gradually begin to understand that the opposition’s opinion should be considered and that compromise is inevitable:

- I wish people were socially protected. But one should take into account the state budget means. I think that we will return to it again when we pass the blocking stage. Our blockade does not impede the budget as it had been adopted earlier. As for the Government, it works very slowly in the view of having declared social programs that are practically impossible to fulfill. In particular, it is impossible to reimburse debts on soviet deposits, to pay support for mothers with children, to considerably increase salary for military men and much more. I am fully aware of it as I am head of the parliamentary subcommittee on social standards and social policy. I have already analyzed the programs of all political forces.

http://www.partyofregions.org.ua/eng/pr-east-west/47bc0733e87d3/

Putin + Azarov = Friends Forever

DECREE
OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION
On granting the Order of Friendship to
Azarov N.Y.

For distinguished contribution to the development of trade and economic relations between the Russian Federation and Ukraine, for strengthening friendship and cooperation between the Russian and Ukrainian peoples, may the ORDER OF FRIENDSHIP be granted to AZAROV Nikolai Yanovich, First Vice-Premier and Finance Minister of Ukraine.

President of the Russian Federation, V. Putin
Moscow, Kremlin
December 6, 2007
No. 1636

Trading honors and awards is a popular ego-boosting sport among the post-Soviet elites. Sometimes it’s grandiose, as in Azarov’s case. Other times it’s gross, as in Potebenko’s case.

Sources:
http://blog.taraskuzio.net/2007/02/19/a-shameful-decision
http://blog.taraskuzio.net/2007/12/13/the-ukrainian-elites-continue-to-believe-that-they-are-above-the-law
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/12/10/68114.htm

Azarov, Tymoshenko Split on Cabbage

Enjoy this terrific "cabbage test" of Ukraine’s caste system.

Azarov: Here’s a case in point. None of you wrote, none of you said that, it turns out, cabbage prices in October fell 25 percent. Funny? Well, I don’t think so. Cabbage in our citizenry’s diet occupies a very prominent position. This decrease has indeed taken place.

Tymoshenko: Everybody knows who’s a sucker for cabbage, right? We know who always finds cabbage out in the field — it’s Azarov. That’s why I think that — hahaha — that the cabbage for the Party of Regions’ will soon run out — and, specifically, for Azarov. They’ll be out of a job. Our people does not belong to a category of species that live by cabbage alone.

This cabbage thing rang a bell in my head. It reminded me of a funny atheist song called “The Preacher and the Slave.” (Click here to download.) Consistent with the spirit of these remarks, the cast of characters in our role play would be as follows:

Azarov:

You will eat, bye and bye,
In that glorious land above the sky;
Work and pray, live on hay,
You'll get pie in the sky when you die

Tymoshenko:

You will eat, bye and bye,
When you've learned how to cook and how to fry;
Chop some wood, 'twill do you good
Then you'll eat in the sweet bye and bye

Despite being heavily exploited by U.S. Communists, the song is right on the money when applied to Ukraine. Of course, veganism has its moral and health merits. But hypocrisy does not. (Ditto elitism and kleptocracy.) Mr. Azarov clearly expects Ukrainians to stick to a vegetarian diet while the real “cabbage” ends up on the Party of Regions’ table.

Eating the crumbs off the Party of Regions’ table is not the kind of lifestyle that most Ukrainians want. Mr. Azarov, please don’t put this crap in our mouths while putting that cash in your pockets.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/67513.html

Kefirman Azarov to Rada Minority: "Screw You!"

Elitism aside, emotions can be just as hard to contain for Vice Premier Mykola Azarov. Seeking support needed to override the presidential budget veto, Kefirman came soliciting before the Verkhovna Rada.

Rumors of BYuT’s Faustian deal with the Anticrisis Coalition did little to alleviate the heightened speech anxiety he must have experienced due to the polarity in the audience. It didn’t take long before his rhetorical molecules reached the boiling point. With a bad-tempered yet non-offensive hand gesture, Kefirman shot back at his scoffers, “Da poshli vy!”

What followed was a tornado of laughter and mock applause from BYuT and NSNU. “Express yourself, don’t repress yourself,” as Madonna put in “Human Nature.”

Azarov has already discovered a lyrical niche in the anatomy of Russian-Ukrainian relations. His thanksgiving single “For Distinguished Service in Reviving Ukraine,” devoted to Russian MP Konstantin Zatulin, topped Ukraine’s political Billboard.

In fact, the single was more of an award, as it came in the form of a medal of honor — custom-commissioned by Azarov. Wait until you hear this. Konstantin Zatulin, the beneficiary, currently ranks on the SBU’s persona non grata list for meddling in Ukrainian internal affairs.

Perhaps, if maestro Azarov sat on the Board of Governors at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, he would backorder an Oscar for Osama bin Laden.

You Voted a Strange Person, or "Got Kefir?"

The strange person is Mykola Azarov, Vice Premier and Finance Minister in the Yanukovych Cabinet.

Quote:

Появляется мнение о том, что якобы существуют такие проекты, от которых нужно отказаться, и нужно экономику развивать через увеличение потребления кефира нашими пенсионерами. Я задаю себе простое питання: сколько надо кефира дополнительно выпить нашим пенсионерам, чтобы построить мост через реку Днепр?"

Translation:

One school of thought has it that there are projects out there that we should forgo, and that we build the economy through increased consumption of kefir (fermented milk) by our seniors. Now here’s a simple question I ask myself: How much more kefir does it take our seniors to build a bridge across the Dnipro?

Sounds strange, doesn’t it? If you voted PRU, contact your representative and invite him or her to a kefir party.

BLT, or “Better living today,” (Yanukovych’s campaign slogan) could definitely make a smashing success in the world of kefir brands.

How about this: BLT. Bringing Lives Together. Every time you vote.

Mouthwatering, isn’t it? Enjoy responsibly.

Brought to you by Yanukovych and Co.

Azaroff with Attitude, or Regionomics Rules!
“Better Living Today” Starts with a “Better” Budget

Speaking in Parliament last week, Finance Minister Mykola Azarov sliced and diced a diet budget proposal from Chef Viktor Yanukovych. Neither NSNU nor BYuT displayed much appetite. “That’s one hell of a budget for a weight watcher like me,” the Evita Peron of Ukrainian politics probably thought, as she sat through the PowerPoint presentation that had her on the verge of vomiting.

After reading the menu between the lines, Snoozers sounded the alarms on the strange and sudden death of a maternity benefit program. One of Yushchenko’s “populist” policies, the program has pledged some $1,700 in several installments to mothers of new-born babies. Because hundreds of thousands of families have relied on it to cover some of the expenses, a change in government policy could affect procreation decisions nationwide. What could be more anti-democratic in a low-income country slowly recovering form a decade of depopulation?

Since the barren 90s, when the birth of Oligarchs Inc instituted abusive patterns of stratification for the rest of the country, Ukraine has shed some 5 million of its population. Today’s demographic resurgence, while far from a baby boom, raises hope that population growth will finally break even.

With his budgeting behavior now compromised, Azaroff threw a graceful wish-you-well cover-up. He smiled on the distressed gene pool, proudly saying that the program will continue unscathed. He then explained that the funding criteria reflected in the proposal simply restricted the program’s eligibility to financially disadvantaged applicants.

Too many hearts in this country refuse to melt when social responsibility crawls into the Regionalists rhetoric. A little bureaucratization here and there — and you will have to carry a second baby full term before you collect these much-needed monies for your first one.

The good news: Extraclinical research indicates that fear of negative publicity sometimes works to destroy other potent fears. The experience of being caught red-handed can trigger an adrenaline response that partially inhibits the panic welfarephobic syndrome, a state of acute anxiety known to affect top-ranking officials. It occurs when the patient believes that current levels of government spending may eat into the profit margins of the interest group he or she represents.

Humor aside, the mind boggles at the thought of whatever esoteric budget pranks may be buried well below the public’s immediate grasp.
Key budget projections:
Revenues.........................................................UAH 180 bn
Expenditures…...............................................UAH 200 bn
Budget deficit, as a percentage of GDP……..2.55 percent
GDP growth………………………………….6.5 percent
Inflation, annual……………………………...7.5 percent
Loans, domestic ……………………………..USD 1 bn
Loans, foreign………………………………..USD 10 bn

Not an entirely self-reliant budget, isn’t it?

The Old Deal, or the New Ordeal
In dire need of maintaining high visibility of activity, Tymo approached the budget issue in the mood of cougar-like agility, intent on signing NSNU home cats to an opposition deal. She postulated that their shared indigestion of the budget proposal could become the basis for an allied BYuT-NSNU opposition. As an extension of this initiative, she called for a shadow government to be formed.

Championing the cause of scaling back the utility hike has benefited her employability. She even gets unsolicited offers! Yushchenko, for instance, has mentioned the possibility of appointing her to the NSC job. She had no immediate comment. (Go, go Tymo! You da bomb! But wait a minute, et tu BYuT? No, this can’t be true. Maybe the point is, you will create more opposition value by being inside the game? According to this line of reasoning, the sales pitch of the sensational would-be offer in question appears crystal clear. It invites you to exercise your biological imperative. By playing out your dominatrix fantasies on the scene, you will provide a Condi Rice-like counterweight for the shorthanded Yushchenko to stand up to Yanukovych.)

More seriously, Tymo’s protégé Mykola Tomenko has been shortlisted for the Speaker job. As for this courteous concession, less far-fetched than the previous scenario, it should not be confused with a mere giveaway. If confirmed, Tomenko will take some of the sting out of the lone ranger in her, and, most important, the act will solidify a reciprocity-based precedent to fall back on in case the government changes hands.

Attention public sector employees! Oligarchs Inc strikes again. Those of you who licked their lips for a New Deal-type of social contract from the Yanuke Cabinet, you have a dirty mind. This man Azaroff — you better read his lips. Not only does he speak horrible Ukrainian without feeling sorry for the linguistic Chernobyl he creates, but he also has a leg in tax collection. You got it right! Whether you work a nine to five job or run a small business, he’s out to trim a little fat off your pockets. Your ballooning incomes are a menace to Ukraine’s ramshackle industry! As you consume ever more conspicuously, thy poor neighbor, the oligarch, scrimps and saves for innovation. How dare you have a feast amid famine? This goes no further!

Get ready for a low-cholesterol diet next year. Your planned salary raises will be cut in half. Also waiting for you is a 2 percent increase in the payroll tax. There’s yet another trend at work here. FY 2007 Cabinet maintenance and administrative expenses will surge 47 percent. Hallelujah!

And, yes, it’s the economy stupid! A massive PR lobotomy involving an airborne assault of GOP-leaning talent — like the one that claimed you during the spring parliamentary campaign — doesn’t come for free. From now on, expect no more passionate overtures to the welfare state. Regs, who vowed to rid the land of poverty, are now busy reassessing their strategy with a view to bringing your middle-class aspirations to a plateau.

Yanuke the Ripper
“Live it to the fullest!” That’s the maxim of the old school of thought now repatriating itself to the upper tiers of government, skilled as it is in the art of Kuchmocracy. Intoxication with power regained by a stroke of dumb luck, or, rather, orange dumbness, sends sparks to Yanukovych’s eyes.

The corollary would be “Take whatever you can and run if you have to.” All this adds up to strategy that could go by the name of Yanuke the Ripper, or Regionomics, a strategy of reaping quick benefits before a possible coalition collapse. By no means does this imply outright embezzlement. Those days are gone. Sophistication is the word today. Put your men at the helm of a mammoth monopoly like Naftohaz, Ukrzaliznytsya, or Ukrtelekom — and you have cash flows running wild, straight into your hands, and in pretty legit ways.

Reaganomics v Regionomics
When matched against Regionomics in terms of serving private interests, Reaganomics pales by comparison. For all his worship of free market forces, for all the bruises inflicted on the welfare state, for all the unfair tax cuts and untold budget deficits, for all the excesses of deregulation and decentralization, the good ol’ Ronnie would never support Spanish as a second official language. For that matter, neither would the Spanish-speaking Dubya, nor even the soft-on-immigration Governator.

In contrast, Regs are conservatives in a sense that Reps aren’t. Regs are compassionate about conserving what communism created. That explains why many of them don’t care enough to learn Ukrainian. They exhibit little compassion for the victims of communism And what makes it even more funny, they are capitalists.

Aside from time and space constraints, it is motivational sets that keep Regionalists and Reaganites words apart. Whereas Reaganites had the Evil Empire to contend with, Regionalists have a closely-held, export-oriented commodity empire to take care of.

Despite the brand of supply-side economics firmly attached to it, Reaganomics arguably produced a host of demand-side effects. It did so through sexier defense budgets in an arms race that drained the economy out of the Evil Empire, whose Ukrainian share of industrial remnants is now possessed by proponents of Regionomics.

Regionomics therefore has more of a supply-side profile, something Regionomics doesn’t have. Cheap labor and natural resources — the key ingredients that go into the competitive advantage of Ukraine’s aged, energy-inefficient, low-tech industry — are more of a curse than a blessing. The heavy guns of post-Soviet industry will hardly keep Ukrainians’ lungs clean, nor will they churn much butter, economically speaking.

So, except maybe for the promise of better living for themselves, the promise-packed campaign Regs orbited with the expertise of GOP talent stands little chance of gaining escape velocity. This about wraps up the stellar conquest of “Better living today” for the rest of us.

Tax-Free Zones Get a Fresh Start, But Not Working Seniors
After lying fallow for a few years, tax-free zones are back in business. Finance Minister Azarov, a staunch advocate of these economic preserves, claims that tax-free zones have a history of cultivating oases of innovation in this country. If you find yourself at loss for recalling any quantum leaps in innovation, there’s another side to this story.

Gossipy pundits have long wagged their tongues over these oases being economic black holes for siphoning money out of the government in countless VAT crimes. They have also traced them as points of entry for smuggling billions of dollars worth of uncertified consumer goods and foodstuffs. If by and large what they say is true, then these “Silicon Valleys” incorporate a skunkworks of the shadowy economy that keep money and goods on a neverending joyride in and out of the country. Such core competencies fit them into the category of political fiefdoms. Exactly what cult of innovation do they belong to, Mr. Azarov?

Attention seniors who bring home a few extra hryvnyas worth of bacon! You can’t have too much of a good thing. Stay home and smell the happiness. Just where do you think the expression “death and taxes” came from?

At the risk of belaboring the obvious, you just became unwitting test subjects in somebody’s dirty little scheme.

All Is Not Quiet on Mount Olympus
By bouncing a sheaf of executive orders, Chief of Mischief Yanukovych may have amused himself, but he surely enraged Zeushchenko (pardon the portmanteau), who has every reason to be paranoid about losing his grip on power. “Just who the hell you think you are?” roared the prime deity in Ukraine’s pantheon of politics as he cast his thunderbolt.

This happened the day PRU legal eagles falsely instructed their patron that his refusal to countersign executive orders constitutes a veto policy. Once aware of having overstepped his authority, Yanukovych responded with pacifying gestures like “we’re in it together” and “there’s room for everyone.” However, he hasn’t pardoned the five oblast governors on his hit list, Yushchenko’s appointees, whose dismissal he has vigorously demanded.

On Wednesday, October 4, NSNU convenes to pass its final decision on whether or not to join the coalition. Its position: NSNU will settle down only if the coalition goes by the book, that is, by the Universal of National Unity.

Earlier, Speaker Moroz issued a love-it-or-leave statement, warning that unless NSNU joins, it has no place in the government. However, one caveat is in order. The Constitution says that, no matter what happens, the President retains his coalition-exempt share of Cabinet appointees, namely Ministers of Defense, Interior, and Foreign Affairs.

Tired of fighting his little town blues with routine acts of spraying canned pontifications on a weary public, President Yushchenko has set out to refashion this staff. It takes quite a bit of courage to sanitize his tabernacle of the lyubi druzi (beloved buddies), the two words that have become a cliché for the beehive of cronies he’s compiled around himself.

Recent staffing decisions have led some experts to believe that the President plans to “make a brand new start of it,” as Frank Sinatra put it in his “New York, New York.” The timing could not be more perfect. For the first time since the Orange Revolution, his approval ratings have plunged below Premier Yanukovych’s.

That’s why Yushchenko keeps delayering the lyubi druzi — in the hope of winning back some of the supporters he has alienated. Among others, the new wave of talent features former Emergency Management chief Viktor Baloha and former Economics Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk.

Baloha made a name for himself when he stormed out of the then-almighty SDPU and took a load of followers with him. He has replaced Oleh Rybachuk as Chief of Staff. Well-connected in the pre-Revolution government, Yatsenuyk has earned praise for being one of the finest Young Turks in finance and is considered to be an asset to the economic section.

The change of the guard didn’t sop there. Spokeswoman Iryna Herashchenko, Yushchenko’s confidante of five years, stepped down in a move she described as the “passing of the baton. Iryna Vannikova, who has made a sterling career in news, took the baton.

The big question, of course, is whether changes in style will be matched by changes in substance. Unless improvements in public relations go hand in hand with improvements in policymaking, no improvement will be made overall. External decorum cannot substitute for internal dynamics.

Maidan Graffiti Comes to Grief?
Vice Premier Andriy Klyuev (PRU) has urged the Central Post Office, to have the relic of the Orange Revolution erased due to what he termed as politically incorrect, obscenity-laced content.

Taken under a protective glass covering since 2005, the graffiti has beautified the entrance columns of Maidan’s chief edifice. No wonder this vivid piece of history, located at the epicenter of the Orange Revolution, has horrified the likes of Mr. Klyuev and his Austria-based brother, foiled as they were by people power in 2004. And those who did this to them are now too traumatized to put up much resistance.

That’s why the second anniversary of Maidan may find a blank space in place of the bittersweet mementoes still dear to them.