Summary of the Ukrainian Parliamentary Campaign 2007
Who's Who in Political Advertising

Achievers: PRU, BYuT, NUNS, KPU
Strugglers: SPU, LyB, PSPU

PRU
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_of_Regions
http://partyofregions.org.ua/eng/


Over the last year, our leaders have proved a lot to us. Viktor Yanukovych and the Party of Regions have proved that they have the experience and true leadership qualities to achieve results. What have the Orange Revolution leaders proved? That politicians unable to work together cannot run the government. That power is more important to them than improving the lives of ordinary people. Protect your future. Viktor Yanukovych and the Party of Regions: a proven track record of results for Ukraine.


Orange revolutionaries promised us a lot of good things. But instead of economic growth, we ended up with a surge in unemployment and a price hike. Instead of Ukraine’s recognition in the international arena we ended up in an argument with Russia. Instead of government reform, we witnessed incessant turf battles and corruption, which prompted Yushchenko to fire Tymoshenko. The inability of Orange leaders to work together is a proven fact. To get rid of the Orange chaos, vote Viktor Yanukovych and the Party of Regions.


In a democracy the power belongs to the people. That’s why Viktor Yanukovych proposed the initiative to hold a referendum on making Russian a second official language, on adhering to a policy of nonalignment with regard to our foreign partners, and on empowering the people with the right to elect their governors directly, instead of kowtowing to the President’s cronies. Don’t waste your vote. Viktor Yanukovych and the Party of Regions. Protect your deepest values.


Why elect a PM candidate who was once fired for incompetence? The Tymoshenko government was sacked because its irresponsible policies had lead to economic contraction, artificial international conflicts and price hikes. Now she does not want to look the people in the eye, alleging that she has achieved a great success. But if she was such a good prime minister, then why would they fire her? The people know why, and will not let themselves be scammed again.


Together we can stop them. Tymoshenko and the Oranges are against a referendum on Russian as a second official language. They are dragging Ukraine into military alliances. They want to put their cronies and lyubi druzi in the governors’ seats in every oblast. The Party of Regions is initiating a referendum to stop their encroachments on our values. Don’t waste your vote. The Party of Regions. Protect your deepest values.

BYuT
http://ibyut.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yulia_Tymoshenko_Bloc


They cheated and sold out. They clang to their seats and reached for their guns. Betrayal and political corruption became a challenge for the country. But we didn’t crumble. We didn’t give in. There will be a new election. Justice has prevailed.


You are tired of politics. You think that your elected representatives forgot you and are fighting for power. True, there is a fight going on — between our political team and a few family clans that have pocketed three-thirds of Ukraine’s national wealth. They, relying on the power of money, have destroyed the victory of Maidan. Don’t be naive. They don’t care what language you speak; whether Ukraine will be independent or will merge into a new Soviet Union; whether we will be in NATO or not. What they do care about is how much money they will make off Ukraine. They are the shadowy lords of the companies you work for, and you vote as they say. They are buying television channels and are messing with your mind and choice. But I believe that in the early election you will break this vicious circle, and life will be born in Ukraine. And no matter how much they will defame me, make no mistake: In this great struggle I’m with you, and the time of your victory has finally come.


Michelle Nostradamus: Prophecy 2007

The Dame will gain power without any quarrel
Freedom, untaintedness, safety, and so
The plague of foul words shall have no more explosions
Without any war she will bring it closure


China’s economic miracle, Japan’s intellectual revolution, the great leap forward by Asian tigers such as South Korea and Taiwan. They’ve made a real breakthrough in the economies and sciences of their countries. We, too, are not satisfied with today’s questionable evolution. We offer our Ukrainian Breakthrough, a strategy for national development. This plan should finally be written by us, by our Ukrainian scientists and intellectuals. Let us stop relying on foreign consultants. We offer to create a national strategic assembly that will pool the intellectual potential of the country. Let us believe in ourselves and put forward living standards that will set an example for the entire globe. Share your ideas and knowledge with Ukraine. The new government, in the new Verkhovna Rada, will adopt the Ukrainian Breakthrough strategy. The time has come for real work to start.


Andriy Kozhemyakin, Major-General: Military reform is needed in Ukraine. Only a professional, combat-ready army can effectively protect the sovereignty of an independent Ukraine.
Mykola Kostrov, Rear Admiral: Young people should study, while the country’s defense should be entrusted to professionals, who will have fair pay and living conditions.
Mykola Petruk, Colonel-General: As early as next year, it is realistic to abandon conscription, and by the end of 2009 to finalize the сhangeover to a professional army. Ukraine’s rebirth starts with the rebirth of the Ukrainian armed forces.

NUNS
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Ukraine
http://razom.org.ua


Corrupt official: Here you go. Check it one more time.
“Little Ukrainian:” Excuse me…
Corrupt official: And who’s this?
Official’s assistant: This is the “Little Ukrainian.”
Corrupt official: You mean the people? I see, get him out of here.
“Little Ukrainian:” But this is our country, too.
Official’s assistant: Elections are approaching.
Corrupt official: Okay. Here’s your salary, your pension, and here’s for the kids. Now go on and vote like you should.
Official’s assistant: Are you sure you didn’t give him too much?
Corrupt official: That will buy us a few more years in power.
Voiceover: They’re buying you. Don’t sell out. Nasha Ukrayina-Narodna Samooborona [Our Ukraine-People’s Self-Defense].



Where exactly is the Party of Regions headed when they talk about lifting parliamentary immunity? Last year, they demanded that the Rada not lift parliamentary immunity. Later on, they changed their point of view, having stated that immunity should be extended to members of their government. Now they agree with their opponents that immunity should be lifted. But they had more than 375 days to make it happen. The problem is that you never know what direction the Party of Regions will take.


People all over the country are suffering from officials’ unlawfulness. By lifting parliamentary immunity we want to lift the magnet that attracts mafia members to parliament, instead of attracting those who will write laws for the people. MPs must live by the same laws — without any allowances — must ride on our roads, use our hospitals, deal with our police and courts. So that they can feel the problems of ordinary people and change the laws for the better. Nasha Ukrayina-Narodna Samooborona [Our Ukraine-People’s Self-Defense]. One law for all.


What can we expect from yet another Regionalist government? When President Yushchenko offered to raise the salaries of public school teachers and healthcare employees in the next year’s budget, the Regionalist government said no. Raise pensions by 35 percent? Again, no. Raise aid to large families? No! The government of Regionalists wants to be in power again. What will we tell them come Sept. 30? Nasha Ukrayina-Narodna Samooborona [Our Ukraine-People’s Self-Defense]. One law for all.


Tens of thousands of villages all over Ukraine don’t have a single ambulance. This is dangerous. This is unfair. We will reduce the fleet of luxury cars for government officials and members of parliament, and will provide every village with an ambulance. This is protection. This is fairness. The time for change has come. Nasha Ukrayina-Narodna Samooborona [Our Ukraine-People’s Self-Defense]. One law for all.

KPU
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communist_Party_of_Ukraine
http://www.kpu.net.ua


Who are you? A spiritual descendant of Vatutin and Kovpak or of Bandera and Shukhevych? A descendant of those who served Ukrainian Nazis or of those who saved humanity from the brown plague? Remember your name. Take care of your Fatherland. Our number on the ballot sheet is 13.


A mediocre spoof based on The Hunt for Two Rabbits (1961), a popular Soviet comedy about a late 19th-century Kyiv polygamist-con artist who courts two young ladies, but ends up with his cover blown and his plans ruined. In this ad, Svyryd Golokhvastov, the main character “impersonates” President Yushchenko

Golokhvastov: For us true patriots, the ideals of Maidan are higher than the Lavra Bellfry. And if from the heights of Bankova Street [Office of the President] you stare down, the folks underneath, with their problems, appear so teeny-weeny, like mice. Pardon me, like rats.
Golokhvastov's never-to-be in-laws: Isn’t he smart! Awesome!


Yes to democracy! Down with dictatorship! Time to elect a fair government. Vote for the Communist Party of Ukraine, No. 13 on the ballot sheet.

SPU
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialist_Party_of_Ukraine
http://spu.in.ua


Dear citizens! Today you see splashy ads of various parties, but there’s only one choice you have. There are those who promise their voters the “moon,” but struggle for power by flouting the Constitution. And yet there are people who call for laws to be observed and who suggest systemic changes. We should change not the faces, but the function of government, change the quality of life of the entire society. All rights and power to local citizens!


My fellow compatriots, the snap election gamble that Viktor Yushchenko has embarked on is a war against the Constitution, the judiciary and the local government reform. The Socialists are keeping the commitments they undertook before the voters, and are putting the [pro-Yanukovych] politreforma to work. The President, as always, wants to handpick rayon [country] and oblast [state] chiefs. Yushchenko’s goal is to become Kuchma. The Socialists’ goal is to vest the power in communities.


My fellow compatriots, I, Vasyl Tsushko, hereby report to you that under my leadership of the Ministry of the Interior the murder rate has decreased by 12 percent, and robbery by 15 percent. The MoI has upheld the law and citizen security. The Socialists and our leader, Oleksandr Moroz will not countenance civil strife in the country and usurpation of power by Yushchenkos, Tymoshenkos and their accomplices.

LyB
http://narodna.kiev.ua
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lytvyn's_Bloc


This is our life. This is our government. The government is the life. People deserve better than this — and better ones. I’m coming back to put a stop to misgovernment and to confer a just order. Volodymyr Lytvin. Honesty, integrity, professionalism.


Volodymyr Lytvyn. At a turning point for this country, head of the Verkhovna Rada Volodymyr Lytvyn upheld the law, stopped the anarchy, and prevented bloodshed at the presidential election. Without his wit, strength, and tactfulness, the country has succumbed to wiles, cynicism, and deceit. Stop! The country needs a politician of resolve and responsibility. Lytvyn means order in the Rada, the rule of law in the country, the prosperity and confidence of everyone. The country needs Lytvyn.


I’m addressing each and every one of you. Has life gotten any better? Are you satisfied with prices and bills? Is healthcare affordable? Do you have housing opportunities? Are you sure that your land will not be taken away from you? My answer and yours is no! I will stand for all who were forgotten by the present authorities. This is my oath. Vote for the Lytvyn bloc, No. 7 on the ballot sheet.

PSPU
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressive_Socialist_Party_of_Ukraine
http://www.vitrenko.org.ua


Let’s protect our country from being robbed by oligarchs, from land grabs and NATO occupation. Don’t be a traitor. Vote for No. 12, Natalia Vitrenko’s Progressive Socialist Party of Ukraine.


A pompous Soviet/WW II-style ad interpolated with “Sacred War” and a Levitan-like voiceover.

From the people’s information bureau: Today, at Yushchenko’s whim, Ukraine is being dragged into NATO. Our Motherland and the lives of our children have come under threat. We will protect our peace. We will protect Ukraine from NATO. Natalia Vitrenko, leader of the Progressive Socialist Party of Ukraine.


They say “zRadu het!”[Down with parliament!], but still betray each other. They say “we’re for independence,” but still rekindle fascism. They say “we’re for fair elections,” but still fine-tune the election results to fit the political order of things. They’ve worn everyone out. Down with cheaters and liars! Free people should live in a fair society. Natalia Vitrenko, leader of the Progressive Socialist Party of Ukraine.

A Soap Opera Turned Action Movie?
All Is Not Quiet As Kyiv Celebrates Its 1522nd Anniversary

Piskun’s noncompliance with Yushchenko’s decision has injected a dose of adrenaline into an otherwise boring, flatline wrangle over the elections.

Prosecutor Piskun, excommunicated from his powers at a time when Yanukovych most needs him, became a cause celbre for the Coalition, which came to his rescue with police forces under its command.

Interior Minister Tsushko did not hesitate to intervene for his pal. Once at the scene, he and his Berkut task force squeezed out the State Security operatives involved in Piskun’s eviction.

Even though both sides continue trading threats and recriminations, no blood has been shed. Negotiations between President Yushchenko and PM Yanukovych continue at the Office of the President, where the National Security and Defense Council meets in frequent sessions.

Recently Yushchenko issued a decree through which he assumed command of the Internal Troops (the local equivalent of the National Guard). On Yushchenko’s orders, several IT detachments are being currently deployed to Kyiv as a deterrent force against PRU hotshots eager to play with fire.

Amusingly, highway patrolmen, who take orders from Minister Tsushko have obstructed their movement. (This funny picture simply doesn’t add up to the Coalition’s apocalyptic imagery in which Yushchenko poses as a dictator-to-be. Mr. President, you’re failing your dictatorship exam.)

The situation deteriorated when Yanukovych broke his election promise and began leading Yushchenko around by the nose. In his new stratagem, he has banked on Piskun’s unwillingness to take on Justice Stanik and has stuck to his guns in the Constitutional Court.

With that in mind, we must help Yanukovych pocket his pranks. We must help Moroz get back on earth. We must send a clear message to those high-net-worth individuals from Donetsk: If this thing spins out of control, you will not leave the country.

We also must be on guard against false-flag terrorism. Let’s not spoil this sunny weekend of Kyiv anniversary celebrations.

A Trip to Kuchmaland
Lutsenko Rallies in Kharkiv, Dnipropetrovsk Obstructed by Pro-Yanukovych Local Authorities

Half-pregnant with new parliamentary — and perhaps even presidential — elections, 2007 looks very much like 2004. “Narodna Samo'oborona,” or “People’s Self-Defense,” an opposition submovement headed by former Interior Minister Yuriy Lutsenko that is haunting Ukraine in the runup to the long-awaited March on Kyiv, helps discover that similarity.

Talk about putting spokes in those wheels. Yanukovych and his allies seem to be intent on putting eastern Ukraine on the 2004 track.

But not all people take orders from Yanukovych there. In the three rounds of the 2004 presidential election, Kharkiv voted Yushchenko by 31.10, 21.11 and 26.12 percent, respectively. The figures for Dnipropetrovsk are 18.72, 29.62, and 32.01 percent.

Lutsenko’s roadshow in Kharkiv and Dnipropetrovsk gathered from five to ten thousand people. Of course, those estimates do not include the brotherly legions of Communists and Regionalists (read: Capitalists) who stormed the streets to protest the project that threatens to shatter their highly profitable partnership.

Securing a venue turned out to be a major problem in Kharkiv: Mayor Mykhailo Dobkin answers to the PRU. In Dnipropetrovsk — the city where Kuchma, as head of Yuzhmash, had spent most of his pre-presidential adulthood making ICBMs — Lutsenko survived a retaliatory egg attack. (A single egg to Yanukovych’s chest in fall 2004 downed him in one fell swoop and kept him in the hospital for several days. Watch Tymo’s eggsperience.)

Interior Minister Vasyl Tsushko, SPU, who has stocked up on police clubs and water cannons, and has populated his staff with Kuchma’s knights, has adopted Kuchma’s rhetoric as well. Speaking at a press conference that marked his first 100 days in office, he advised Ukrainians against participating in the March on Kyiv, calling it “political schizophrenia.” Well, look who’s talking. Hadn't Moroz, his party boss, shared the same stage with Lutsenko at Maidan?

Reinstated! Crackdown General Popkov, Kuchma's Security Chief Radchenko

Newly-appointed Interior Minister Vasyl Tsushko, SPU, has found himself a hell of a deputy. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome General Popkov, the wonderful guy who allegedly ordered a strike against peaceful protesters who gathered at Maidan. What a brave soul! He called it off only amid persistent reports that Orange Revolution-friendly security forces might thwart his plans. Secretary of State Colin Powell also pitched in when he put a call through to Kyiv and expressly warned the Kuchma administration against the Kristallnacht, or should we say Kremlinnacht, in the making.

Because the oranges we held in high esteem started rotting and falling too early, the likes of Popkov never got their asses kicked for what essentially was a near-civil war incident. In fact, they are alive and kicking. Small wonder if the Russian Orthodox Church nominates Popkov for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Congratulations, Minister Tsushko! Your screening and selection procedures certainly have the merit of consistency. Keep up the good work!

Oh yeah, we’ve been blessed with another one! Volodymyr Radchenko, also a general and one of Kuchma’s cowboys, has been promoted to Vice Premier. He will be joining a team that currently includes Messrs. Azarov, Klyuev, Rybak, and Tabachnyk, all of them natural born Vice Premiers.

Well-rounded in Kuchmocracy as Minister of the Interior, Chief of the SBU and NSC, Radchenko was valued for not sticking his neck out. His appointment comes in the heat of the war for talent — or shall we say, the war of attrition — raging on between the Yanukovych cabinet and Yushchenko administration. It appears to be a preventive measure meant to boost manpower and thus thwart any spring street agenda Tymoshenko and Lutsenko may have.

When questioned about his Cabinet duties, Radchenko said he will handle national security matters, improve defense capabilities, and coordinate law enforcement agencies, the usual drill.

Meanwhile, the PRU has launched an initiative to truncate the national security apparatus, headed by Vitaliy Haiduk, whose affiliation to ISD, Donbas’s second-largest business group, makes him extremely inconvenient, if not dangerous.

Thanks to the redeployment of mothballed Kuchma HR, the wheel of the Orange Counter-Revolution slowly but inexorably continues its course.