Tymoshenko Equates Herself With Ukraine (Part 2)

Post-traumatic stress disorder? Not exactly. Welcome to another segment of her Joan of Arc/Virgin Mary/Mother Theresa show.

PM Yulia Tymoshenko: Sometimes I...now that it's all ruined, I even think about whether Yanukovych and Yushchenko might have consorted to drag me into this negotiation process, because they realize that there’s no other way for the country. And I, as a person who bears responsibility today — before the people and before the future as to how the country will come out of the crisis — I'd definitely go for this negotiation process. I think maybe they dragged me into it consciously in order to discredit me and then, uh, “dump” me brutally like that, as they say in the Party of Regions environment. Maybe it was on purpose [that] this program was planned. Because what became of the absolutely positive and right steps, it only suggests that it might have been planned, geared toward such...massive defamation. But I just want to say to these people, to both Viktors, that one can’t...one can treat Tymoshenko like that — maybe they have such morals, such kind of conscience and code of, uh, conduct — but one can’t treat Ukraine like that. That’s what I...I wanted to emphasize this.

I always knew it. She’s the most intelligent, immaculate, responsible and resilient prime minister in the world!

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Tymoshenko Equates Herself With Ukraine (Part 1)

“L’Etat, c’est moi,” said one guy. “Après moi, le deluge,” said his successor.

Tymoshenko clearly subscribes to the first dictum but finds the second one slipping away. She recently split with a guy who used her and abused her so he can proudly put both dicta to good use.

PM Yulia Tymoshenko: ...and some think that Yanukovych...well, has mended his ways and has become, uh, a politician who does feel responsibility for, uh, the country. But, unfortunately, there are those aunties...they think that it’s BYuT who got dumped, that it’s Tymoshenko who got dumped — this is the general view. I want to say that it’s the country that got dumped — and it got dumped by a smear campaign that had been arranged against the backdrop of a normal negotiation process. I think that those who withdrew from the negotiation process — to be precise, not those, but he (and, actually, he said it in his statement) — it’s scary to take responsibility for the crisis before an open presidential election. That’s the explanation. Besides, there’s the desire to limit access to the open election campaign. That’s exactly why they withdrew from the negotiation process — because this Constitution gave a guaranteed victory to no one.

Indeed, Yanukovych said it. He decided he could make it on his own. He wants no strings attached fun. He wants to equate himself with the state just as badly as you do, right?

“Desire to limit access to the open election campaign”… Was that a reference to the “no candidates under age 50 accepted” clause? Why would age matter to you if you’re PM and he’s President until 2014?

All of which brings us to another stupid question: What “Constitution” are you talking about? The one that would have abolished direct presidential elections and would have made you prime minister and Yanukovych president? Is that what you call “open presidential election?” Well, such “open” elections can only work if both parties keep their side of the bargain. You’re in the same boat.

Now, if you meant the current Constitution (which I doubt), then nobody has any guaranties. You’re in different boats. So if you’re as good as you say you are, you’re sure to win!

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Original source: http://5.ua

Tymoshenko’s Solid Record of Solidarity

She’s spent the last four years collecting votes (including mine) by posing as the antithesis of those she wanted to do a coalition with — but failed.

She’ll tell you any “solidarity” you want to you hear. Now that “everything’s gone,” as she aptly put it in her unintended double entendre, let’s “skip backward” a little bit.

Sometime ago…

The Party of Regions faction are wearing some white-yellow scarfs. Those are ropes on their necks that they came with to hang themselves…

Let me remind Yanukovych of the aliases he had while serving his jail time out there. The alias was “Boor.”

I would appreciate if the Party of Regions would not act according to the Somalian pirates principle.

They were stealing at a rate of 60 dollars per second.

More recently...

Viktor Fedorovych, I would like you and I to become absolutely similar-minded people.

I’ve stood for, and stand for, the complete unification of all political forces and for the achievement of effective results for Ukraine.

June 4, 2009, during her visit to Poland, 3 days before the coalition talks collapsed...

In these very days, Europe is electing a new parliament. And I’m convinced that when we honor the Polish Revolution, let us again devote ourselves to carrying out Solidarity’s unfinished business: the dream of one free Europe. Niech nasza solidarność żyje tysiąc lat! [May our solidarity last for a thousand years.] Hahaha!

She’s a very charming lady. Sometime ago, I compared her to Eva Peron. I now believe she has outlived the comparison.

Because many compare her to men, and here she talks about some unfinished business in Europe, my question to her would be as follows:

Which of the following historical figures, in your most honest opinion, best represents your leadership profile:

A. Lech Wałęsa
B. Václav Havel
C. Erich Honecker
D. Nicolae Ceauşescu

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Yanukovych, Tymoshenko Backpedal on Coalition, Deliver Stump Speeches

The Coalition of Impunity and Deprival? Not now, maybe later.

On the Orthodox holiday of Trinity, on a hot but rainy Sunday, the two appear to have scrapped their plans and gone their separate ways.

Yanukovych delivered his stump speech in the Kyiv Pechersk Lavra, one of Ukraine’s oldest and largest Orthodox shrines, controlled by the Moscow Patriarchate.



Alas, the prodigal son of Ukrainian democracy came to worship direct presidential elections, but confessed no sins. He merely admitted that gutting the Constitution with the amendments he and Tymoshenko had proposed would have been a step back from democracy. The people should have been consulted, he said, as if reprimanding himself. Interestingly, he spoke like a robot, in a manner that betrayed the dirty little piece of equipment supposedly stashed in one of his ears.

A few hours after this throw-momma-from-the-train maneuver, Tymoshenko made her own televised stump speech.



In announcing her bid for the presidency, she accused Yanukovych of unilaterally pulling out of the coalition talks. To dilute responsibility and distance herself from the coalition’s undemocratic slant, she raised the number of would-be coalition partners to four: the Party of Regions, BYuT, NUNS, and the Lytvyn Bloc.

She vehemently denied seeking undemocratic Constitutional amendments. Moreover, she even blamed Yanukovych’s pullout on what she described as her refusal to his proposed Constitutional amendment to raise the presidential candidates’ age to 50. In other words, she’s just an innocent girl who wants the best for her country.

One may argue that, in this parade of disappearing acts and stump speeches, Yanukovych (sugar daddy) dumped Tymoshenko (material/anti-crisis girl). She got what she deserved. I hope he gets what he deserves, too.

Everyone was doing their job. She struggled to rekindle her Joan of Arc image and equip it with Mary Poppins features; he masqueraded as Dr. Democracy with the heart of Santa Claus. They both spoke to fifth-graders, which is how they view their voters.

According to a recent poll, 83.4% of respondents oppose the idea of indirect presidential elections.

P.S. A friend sent me this uncut version of Tymo’s stump speech (intro). She's very nervous. She switches back and forth from Ukrainian to Russian.

Tymoshenko, speaking Ukr: Thank you all for coming on such short notice on a holiday. [takes deep breath] God help me. [crosses herself, closes eyes, clears throat]

Tymoshenko, speaking Rus: Everything’s gone! Uh…no! Skip backward! The teleprompter’s wrong! [gets angry, gesticulates, adjusts position]

Tymoshenko, speaking Ukr: My darlings, first of all, let me greet you with the bright holiday of the Holy Trinity… [discovers her sweet Ukrainian voice]

Ironically, the Russian expression “пропало все!” can also be translated as “it’s over!” or “I’m screwed!” In fact, that’s exactly how she made it sound!

This tragic video made me recall the uncut version of Yanukovych’s November 2004 post-election address. As the President-Elect (soon to be dethroned by the Orange Revolution) stumbles, he gets showered with positive feedback by Hanna Herman, his then press secretary.

Yanukovych, speaking Ukr: Dear countrymen, dear friends, thank you for coming and casting your ballots for the new president — for me. Should I omit “for me”? [makes indecisive gestures]

Hanna Herman, his then press secretary: No, you can leave it that way! It's very good! You're doing very good…
Camera man: It was very good, organic.
Herman: It's very organic and even your hand gesture was organic!

Yanukovych: Let’s start all over again.

Very organic.

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http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/123816.html
Original sources:
http://5.ua

Rada Fires Yekhanurov

Ukraine's parliament today voted to dismiss Defense Minister Yuriy Yekhanurov, a pro-Yushchenko figure, amid intense power struggle and allegations of corruption.

The firing of Yekhanurov comes on the eve of the expected birth of a new coalition, between the Party of Regions and Bloc of Yulia Tymoshenko, one that would be fiercely opposed to President Yushchenko.

The Coalition of Unity and Revival, as the two would-be coalition partners call it, plans to rewrite the Constitution and abolish direct presidential elections.

The vote breakdown:

PRU, 161
BYuT, 152
NUNS, 4
LyB, 19
CPU, 27

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/6/5/96047.htm

Tymoshenko + Yanukovych = Coalition of Impunity & Deprival

Imagine Obama and McCain had chosen not to run. Imagine that, instead, they had agreed to rewrite the Constitution and appoint each other president and vice president, respectively. Imagine, also, that they had bribed Congress by extending its term to 2014.

Why overtax your imagination? Welcome to Ukraine!

Described above is the master plan about to be implemented by opposition leader Viktor Yanukovych (PRU) and Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko (BYuT).

After years of backstage talks and gyrations in the PRU-BYuT-NUNS love-and-hate triangle, the biggest two are about to form широка коаліція (shyroka koalitsiya, or the grand coalition). Many Ukrainians have long reduced широка коаліція to sarcastic terms like ширка (shyrka — slang for intravenous drug use) or ПРіБЮТ (PRiBYuT — a near-homophone for приб'ють, or “they’ll nail [us]”).

To put a good face on their nailing business, Yanukovych and Tymoshenko — both of whom are being nailed by the Kremlin — call it Coalition of Unity and Revival. I call it Coalition of Impunity and Deprival. They want to deprive me of my Constitutional right to elect a president, and they want to do it with impunity, seeking to please the Kremlin.

The idea behind the Pres Yanuk/PM Tymo arrangement:

1. Hedging against the risk of losing the winner-take-all presidential election and post-election oligarch wars, persecutions, etc;

2. Splitting the country into political fiefdoms/spheres of influence.

Cabinet seats by party:

PRU
Ministry of Defense
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Ministry of Justice Ministry of Transport & Communications
Ministry of Agricultural Policy
Ministry of Coal Industry
Ministry of Health care Ministry of Culture & Tourism

BYuT
Ministry of Internal Affairs
Ministry of Economy
Ministry of Finance
Ministry of Fuel & Energy Ministry of Industrial Policy
Ministry of Labor & Social Policy

In other words, Ukraine’s two major parties have agreed on a 21st-century Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, one country at a time. Tymoshenko (aka Gas Princess) and Yanukovych (aka ProFFessor) will divvy up whatever that’s left ungrabitized after the last eighteen years of grabitization. My other name for this coalition: H1N1 (How 1 Needs 1).

To secure a rock-hard majority and cement oligarchic bipartisanship, two-round parliamentary elections will be held. In addition to extending the office term of the current Verkhovna Rada to 2014, the agreement informally calls for further cooperation, reaching as far as 2024.

President Yushchenko has repeatedly vowed to challenge such moves in the Constitutional Court and/or put them on a referendum. He may also reschedule the upcoming parliamentary and presidential elections to an earlier date, which may complicate the coalition’s efforts to amend the Constitution.

Enjoy this Channel 1+1 report (may contain major spoilers):

Speaker-Priest Volodymyr Lytvyn: Do you, Viktor, agree to join Yulia to be with her in sorrow and in joy till the parliamentary elections do you part?
Opposition Leader-Groom Viktor Yanukovych: I do.

Lytvyn: And you, Yulia, will you respect Viktor and…
PM-Bride Yulia Tymoshenko: I do, I do! [giggles]

Lytvyn: And so, by the power vested in me by the MPs, I pronounce you husband and wife, er, that is, the Grand Coalition.

Former MP Oleksandr Volkov: Well…speaking in purely human terms, it’s about who’s on top. You know, uhhh… being on top is not always the best option, OK? Because everybody loves…uhhh…basically, different ways [giggles], that is.

I don’t know who’s going to be on top of who. All I know is they love being on top of Ukraine. For them, it's the best option. In fact, it's the only way they can love Ukraine.

I can’t wait till Ukraine gets over her Electra complex (elect Viktor, elect Yulia, elect Viktor…), grows a penis and loves them back.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/123099.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua
Other sources:
http://pravda.com.ua/news/2009/6/2/95798.htm
http://pravda.com.ua/news/2009/6/2/95781.htm
http://durdom.in.ua/public/main/photos/photo_5376.JPG

Straight Talk on Shyrka

MP Andriy Shevchenko, BYuT: I think the time has come when a very clear stance should be taken by the President of Ukraine, Viktor Yushchenko. We haven’t heard a clear stance during the last couple of weeks, and I’m sure that everything that’s been going on with the Coalition could be completely resolved if the President so desired. Let me say this again: It’s enough for Viktor Yushchenko to so much as move a finger to have, for instance, [defectors] Rybakov and But vote together with the Coalition. This [the Orange Coalition’s near-disbandment] wouldn’t have happened without the stance currently taken by the Presidential Secretariat. That’s why I very much expect, I very much hope, that the President will not remove himself from this process. If this Government, this Coalition, really matter to him, then there should be support. Right now, this support is needed. If not, then maybe the President should honestly say that he has opted for a grand coalition with Viktor Yanukovych. And I think Yulia Tymoshenko will then have the full moral right to start her own personal presidential campaign and to call on all the people who voted for Yushchenko in 2004 to support her.

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Yanuk Drinks Champaign in Anticipation of ‘Something’

Viktor Yanukovych: It's…it’s not a holiday, it’s not a holiday. It’s a sort of insignificant event…in our life. Time will tell. Something…something will happen, something will happen. Hahaha!

Yeah, something’s gotta give, my fellow Ukrainians. Get back to your coal mines and let shyrka & stabilnist shine!

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NUNS MP Seeks Apology From Ukrainians Amid Specter of Shyrka

MP Kseniya Lyapina NUNS: To all viewers and listeners, to all citizens who have experienced stress during the last month, let me apologize on behalf of our entire coalition, our team mates, that we, unfortunately — intentionally or unintentionally — have created, via this adolescent democracy of ours — so immature — that we have created so much stress for society. We Nasha Ukrayina believe that we must overcome this state of adolescence, find political will, lay aside personal fears and concerns, and proceed with fulfilling the tasks you laid out before us. Moreover, I’m confident that we are able to fulfill them.

Lyapina, who ran the Council of Entrepreneurs at the Cabinet of Ministers, comes across as a true-Orange lady.

She steers clear of scandals and turf battles. She does not appear to have a hidden agenda, which puts her in stark comparison with Baloha’s shyrka squad, aka United Center.

The mouth-watering specter of a grand coalition with the Party of Regions — in the name of stabilnist — both seduces and scares Yushchenko. On the one hand, it raises a thin hope of re-election via complex bargaining; on the other hand, it carries the risk of burying whatever approval ratings he has left.

So, realizing that Tymoshenko’s unemployment in 2008 would only boost her employability in 2009, Yushchenko limits himself to a dietary shyrka, or informal grand coalition, as Stepan Havrysh put it. The deputy chief of the National Security and Defense Council used this term in describing the present modus operandi.

Indeed, the extramarital affair with the Party of Regions preserves the formal coalition with BYuT and keeps the Cold War in the Orange camp below its boiling point until further course of action.

As always, everybody wants to rule the world, and that includes both Yushchenko and Tymoshenko.



That’s why Lyapina’s calls for working out a détente, and working for the public good, sound like a cry in the wilderness.

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Lutsenko Claims Persecution, Accuses President of Shyrka Plans

Speaking outside the Office of the Prosecutor-General, where he was summoned for interrogation, Minister of the Interior Lutsenko said this:

They haven’t invented anything new. I’m being asked why I flew on vacation, together with my family, to the Crimea and back. They also have reconfigured the Chernovetsky case from simple battery, which, according to Ukrainian law, does not carry criminal penalties, to abuse of authority. Now that’s something new. One might just as well reconfigure it to cruel treatment of animals.

Now that NUNS has fizzled out in the recent Kyiv municipal election, Lutsenko speaks with his tongue untied. Later in the day, the Minister of the Interior minced no words at his press conference.

I lost Kyiv elections to Baloha. I’m an honest politician and that's why I always call a spade a spade. I lost to the Secretariat of the President, which has managed to completely destroy the Kyivites’ support for NUNS.

It’s a heavy blow for me personally and for the future electability of Narodna Samooborona, but first and foremost, the bell tolls for Nasha Ukrayina.

Today, we’re witnessing an obvious coup d’etat taking place during the last month. It’s absolutely positively evident that President Yushchenko supports the Baloha-Kolesnikov plan of destroying the democratic coalition elected by the people in 2007, which formed a majority in parliament.

The plan is very simple: Baloha and Kolesnikov have convinced the President that if Chernovetsky has managed to buy the not-to-poor and quite educated Kyiv, then the Donetsk clan can easily buy the not-so-prosperous Ukraine.

Already, in early May, during a meeting with the President of Ukraine, attended by his Chief of Staff, Speaker of Parliament, and NUNS representatives, I was confronted with two requirements: to consent to a grand coalition in the Verkhovna Rada and to a coalition with Chernovetsky in the Kyiv City Council. And, second, to stop pursuing those who are being protected (and whose criminal cases are being soft-pedaled) by the Donetsk clan and the Secretariat of the President.

The President’s response was, quote, “Yura, cut all this cop crap. Remember, as long as I’m President, everyone who comes to my office wearing a tie will not land in jail.” It was a challenge to me, to everything that I did in 2005.

If the plan to destroy the democratic coalition is stopped, if the President states that there will be no grand coalition, and that he will discontinue any contact whatsoever with the Donetsk crime bosses, and will provide an opportunity to pursue any person, regardless of what party they belong to, then I have no objections.

The litmus test for the current government is the willingness to replace the Prosecutor-General, who has turned into a general graveyard of high-profile cases on high-profile people, and into a vehicle of political persecution in overblown cases against others.

I categorically deny the allegation that in 2005 I traveled by air twenty times, let alone with my family. This matter was looked into after my first suspension in 2006; there was no evidence to prove my guilt. Today, they’re trying to dig out this old and supposedly already dead dog and to hang it on me.

Standing procedure circulated by the Ministry of the Interior allows the families of personnel to travel in any direction for leisure or other purposes.

There were such options. For example, I was invited by Lviv authorities and by the state leadership to participate in city festivities together with my wife, so we went together. As for the naval forces festivities, the Commander and the Minister of Defense also invited me and my wife. We went there, too. I flew to Israel on an official invitation, together with my wife, as required by protocol. I guess we went to Greece, too.

Is this a case of Lutsenko's backstabbing or Yushchenko's backsliding? Let's wait and see.

At any rate, the fortunes of Georgian-born Davyd Zhvania, the man who reportedly bankrolls Narodna Samooborona, too, have changed dramatically. Once a friend of the Yushchenko family, he now faces the prospect of having his Ukrainian citizenship revoked.

While authorities cite violations of immigration law, Zhvania alludes to undeserved reprisals from Yushchenko.

According to some media reports, Yushchenko may suspect Zhvania of having a role in his 2004 poisoning.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/5/27/76565.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/5/27/76567.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/5/27/76569.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/5/20/76046.htm

Former Naftogaz Chief on Stabilnist, Shyrka, Patriotism

Ukrayinska Pravda quotes from an RFE/RL interview with the former chief of Naftogaz, MP Yuriy Boiko, PRU, widely believed to be RosUkrEnergo’s agent of influence.

On the PRU's slipping approval ratings:
As of today, we’re not losing approval ratings. In any given society, if a party goes into the opposition, some people will stray. It’s normal practice. And we feel quite all right about this.

On Baloha’s plans to strike out on his own:
You know, nobody has spoken about this officially. In our turbulent political situation, rumors abound. I believe that the vast majority of them have no foundation. Well, perhaps some of our partners, our colleagues, are planning to launch a new political project. It’s the right of every person — to launch a new political project.

On Baloha-Akhmetov relations:
You know, big business has to cooperate with government. And the fact that it cooperates — if this benefits the country, benefits stabilnist — then it’s normal. If it benefits stabilnist, then it’s normal. And whatever political decisions out there are being made by Baloha, I believe that right now he’s realizing that the ruling coalition in its present format — it doesn’t work.

Is it normal? It’s normal because they live in the same country. They are all patriots because they’re not leaving the country. They work and live here.

On the speculation of having lobbied the idea of replacing Akhmetov with Firtash as the chief party financier:
I believe there’s no way a person can approach the party leader and make an offer like this, so it’s all rumors. I’ve already answered this question today for one of the reporters. The answer is short: It’s all rumors and hearsay. It didn’t happen.

Whew! Now we know who the real patriots are! They work and live this country. They can’t live without stabilnist. And nothing short of a shyrkanova works for them.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/2/26/72151.htm
http://www.day.kiev.ua/img/156368/13-5-2.jpg

Shyrka on Standby

In May, we reached a certain agreement, and that’s why we gave approval for early elections.

Essentially, the President hoodwinked us. I said back then that he couldn’t be trusted. He kept on and on. Tried to hoodwink Yulia Volodymyrivna [Tymoshenko] and Viktor Fedorovych [Yanukovych] and our political power. Today, we understand that nothing will come out of what was promised.

Today, we have one situation, but tomorrow it may change. They’ll tell us, “Guys, let’s do something. Let’s make a grand coalition.” Then, the presence of our person [Raisa Bohatyryova] at the NSDC will be justified.

— MP Vasyl Khara, PRU, Chairman of the Social and Labor Policy Committee

That’s a nice picture. I wonder if the Secretariat of the President has anything to say about Khara's vision.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2008/1/10/69533.htm
http://www.gpu.ua/?&id=201194&s=1_gztmain

Coalition Bribery Caught on Candid Camera?

The video allegedly features a conversation between an Orange MP and a man who bears a striking resemblance to Mykhailo Brodsky, a friend-cum-foe of Yulia Tymoshenko’s. It’s one of the four videos released by BYuT on Friday.

44
Uploaded by kalina_ukr

There’s this fucking thing called “Better a horrible end than endless horror.” I personally believe that my position is clear. You have to decide whether you’re on this side or on that side and get it over with and proceed.

You won’t have those 228 [votes]. Listen, Yulya will not be Premier, that’s point number one. Two, in case Yulya doesn’t get to be Premier, her faction ends up in the opposition. Yulya will not agree to any other kind of deal, that’s point number two. Three, I still don’t understand what difference it makes to you as to who gets to be Premier and who doesn’t get to be Premier, and so on and so forth.

There’s your capital — this one thing, the voting card. You have no other capital. It’s basically a windfall for you, but, on the other hand… There’s one thing I know: If not today then tomorrow this conversation will be needed, maybe on somewhat different terms, if something else comes along. But still this conversation will be needed. So it’s your business — whether you decide now or tomorrow.

From then on, the conversations will be concise. You call Sasha and tell him if you want to. If you’re interested, we can work. If not, don’t call.

Even Without Shyrka, We Still Have Zasyadka

What did I miss? Here’s a recap of all major events that escaped my blog while I was out of town:

No shyrka, at least not yet. The ‘NUNS on the Run’ turned themselves in after meeting with President Yushchenko, or so it seems. In other words, they acceded to the Orange Coalition agreement. Let’s see what happens next week, when it comes to the Speaker vote.

Zasyadka redux. There was another mine accident on Saturday. 44 miners were hospitalized, two of them in critical condition. No fatalities, so far. Vice Premier Andriy Klyuev, a miner early in his career, vowed to close the most dangerous area of the mine. (As though the 101-person death toll from the accident two weeks ago wasn’t enough ground.)

Coalition bribery caught on candid camera? On Friday, BYuT went public with cell phone videos of what it claims are attempts by MP Volodymyr Sivkovych, PRU, and former BYuT member Mykhailo Brodsky to bribe Orange MPs into sabotaging the Orange Coalition. MP Sivkovych, a former KGB operative, refuted the allegation and called the videos an invasion of privacy, arguing that the conversation had nothing to do with bribery. He also filed a complaint with the Office of the Prosecutor-General.

Natural gas prices to rise a little more, payable in roubles. Gazprom talks about revising next year’s anticipated price of $160 per 1,000 cubic meters to as high as $190, citing accelerating price deals with Turkmenistan. The Russian gas monopoly also insists on switching the trading from dollars to roubles. And by the way, Russia holds parliamentary elections today.

Lytvyn strategist shot dead. Oleh Sheremet, the man who liaised with a team of American public relations consultants in the Lytvyn Bloc campaign, was murdered on Friday night. Sheremet also ran a consultancy that dealt with lucrative land issues in Boryspil rayon (county) neighboring Kyiv to the east.

The upcoming week, a litmus test for the Orange Coalition, is going to be packed with events.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/12/1/67688.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/12/1/67685.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/12/1/67680.htm

The ‘NUNS on the Run’ List

The following NUNS MPs refuse to sign the Orange Coalition agreement:

Stanislav Dovhy
Yuriy Yekhanurov
Ihor Kril
Mykola Onishchuk
Ihor Palytsya
Vasyl Petyovka
Ivan Plyushch
Viktor Topolov

According to Ukrayinska Pravda sources, this diverse group of conscientious objectors has reservations about the agreement. Why doesn’t this G8 hold a summit and tell their voters more about it?

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2007/11/23/67301.htm

Sixth Verkhovna Rada Opens

The first session of the sixth Verkhovna Rada opened today in Kyiv amid persistent rumors of an impending grand coalition, or shyrka, between the PRU and NUNS. As agreed, the opening session is presided over by MP Raisa Bohatyryova, PRU.

Image uploaded from: http://www.nbuv.gov.ua/gallery/rada.html

The Power of Shyrkgestion

The dialogue involves certain compromises, finding a certain golden mean around which, you know, will be boiling the thing we call shyroka koalitsiya [grand coalition]. I call it Obyednana [Ukr. united] Koalitisiya — I like that OK acronym very much. So…but at the center of that golden mean will be Yanukovych. All...uh-eh-uh-eh-uh…the remaining issues — lots of controversial issues, issues that perhaps should be put on the back burner for a while, issues that perhaps need to be talked over with the people, issues that…uh… perhaps should be viewed or visualized on common grounds for the future — we here are ready to talk about it, and I say the only thing that our electorate, our people, would not forgive us is if we betrayed our leader. For if we discard that name, we will lose a whole lot.

— MP Hanna Herman, PRU, former spokeswoman for Yanukovych

Unbeknownst to herself, with that shyroka koalitisiya “thing,” Herman unleashes the power of suggestion — or should we say, shyrkgestion.

By a Freudian slip of the tongue, she conjures up images of a shyrka scene: a needle, a spoonful of heroin, and a lighter. (More on shyrka.)

So how many Ukrainians are "OK" with that toolkit?

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Spooky Halloween Edition
PoRnoholics Gynecological

A monochrome Orange coalition — it has died stillborn. It won’t happen, and the processes that occur from within — let me say it again — they have already buried the Orange coalition in advance. Today, the agenda is to form a parliamentary coalition of national unity, at the core of which will be the winning party, the Party of Regions. And one year from now, so many things will happen that I think we’ll have a coalition of 300 [constitutional majority]…not just 226, but…

— MP Mykhailo Chechetov, PRU

A coalition of national impunity that’s coming full circle?

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PoRnoholics Astronomical

Well, there is some probability that that the Earth may collide with a very large meteorite. That’s about the same probability that these two political forces will form a sustainable working coalition.

— MP Vladyslav Lukyanov, PRU

This guy obviously missed Tymoshenko’s Nostradamus ad.

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PoRnoholics Medieval

Are you kidding? Why are we supposed to work in the opposition if we are the winners? As the winning party, we have the right of the first night — to be the first to form a coalition.

MP Mykhailo Chechetov, Party of Regions (acronyms: PRU, PoR), quoted in Ukrainian weekly Vysoky Zamok, week of Oct. 25-31

Too bad neither Viagra nor, to a lesser extent, the Party of Regions was invented in the Middle Ages.

Agent PoRnificateur

MP Yuriy Yekhanurov, NUNS, blasts the Orange Coalition agreement in a deliriously Tymophobic shyrka speech. Reading between the lines, we can safely assume that this “voice of dissent” looks forward to hooking up with the Party of Regions (acronyms: PRU, PoR) for a “sexy time.”

The drafts being proposed today — they are being touted as holistic documents. Right now, whatever signatures there are — they’re nothing. The undersigned are the people who want it that way. We’ve got to have a stance and dignity — the dignity to defend the interests of our voters, for our voters…our voters are the people who “thought with their heads,” and BYuT folks thought with some other body parts. We have to coexist with the Bloc of Yulia Tymoshenko.

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