Chernovetsky Orchestrates a Buckwit Rally

Pavlov experimented with dogs that behaved like humans. Chernovetsky experiments with humans that behave like dogs.

I call them buckwits. They can sell their neighborhood's last tree, playground and ray of sunshine for a pack of buckwheat. That’s all it takes to buy their votes and screw them out of their senses again and again.

After that turbulent last Thursday, which shook his majority, along with his recent initiatives, he staged a buckwit rally outside the City Hall on Friday.

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: Cher-no-vets-ky!
Buckwits: Cher-no-vets-ky! Cher-no-vets-ky!

Chernovetsky: Let’s take a look… [puts on glasses]
Buckwits: There are lots of us!

Chernovetsky: Now tell me, do you love me?
Buckwits: Yes, we do!

Chernovetsky: Yes, we do!
Buckwits: Yes, we do!

Chernovetsky: Is my wife beautiful?
Buckwits: Yes, she is! Very beautiful!

Chernovetsky: The most beautiful?
Buckwits: She’s superb! Superb! And your team is young!

Chernovetsky: Is that a yes or no?
Buckwits: You’re the best!

Chernovetsky: Is my team the best?
Buckwits: Ooooooo!

Chernovetsky: Does it love you?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: More than I do?
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Can’t hear you!
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: More than I do?
Buckwits: Nooo! [pause]

Chernovetsky: Who else do you love?
Buckwits: No one. [single voice]

Chernovetsky: Has there ever been more people here in Ukraine than today?
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Say it loud!
Buckwits: Noooooo!

Chernovetsky: One more time!
Buckwits: Noooooo!

Chernovetsky: Good! Does anybody here know how to whistle?
Buckwits: Ooooooo! [audience whistles]

Chernovetsky: Wow! Well done!
Buckwits: Ooooooo! [audience whistles]

Chernovetsky: Now, do you love our Lord Jesus Christ?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Say it loud, do you love him?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Let's cross ourselves. [crosses himself]
Chernovetsky: Well, who else…hey, listen, do you love my [deputy mayor] Oles, Oles Dovhy?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Say 'very much!'
Buckwits: Very much!

Chernovetsky: Would you like to snyat* him?
Buckwits: Nooo! How can we? Glory to him!

*The Russian verb snimat (снимать) has more than one meaning. The intended meaning: to fire someone (“Would you like him fired?”) The unintended meaning: to hook up with someone (“Would you like to hook up with him?”). The way Chernovetsky phrased his question — and the tone in which he pronounced it — made it sound like a double entendre. The comic edge doesn’t end there if we keep in mind that the Ukrainian adjective dovhy (довгий) means long. Poor babushkas! You'll never know what you’re missing!

Chernovetsky: Say it loud!
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Okay. NOOO!
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Great, great! And who is fighting him — bribe takers, right?
Buckwits: Yes! Corrupt officials! [young voice]

Chernovetsky: Corrupt officials, right?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Shall we defeat corruption this year?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Do you want to give bribes?
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Would you and your kids like to live like you do today?
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: Say it loud. NOOO!
Buckwits: Nooo!

Chernovetsky: I think you’ve now warmed yourselves up, haven’t you? To keep you from freezing, let me tell you the following. Every day, I pray for Ukraine...for Kyivites...for my beloved, you know for whom.
Buckwits: For babushkas.

Chernovetsky: For whom?
Buckwits: For babushkas.

Chernovetsky: For babushkas?
Buckwits: Yeees! And for dedushkas.

Chernovetsky: Here’s to the...do you love the babushkas?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: Do you call them every day?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: You’re not loud enough. You call them, don’t you?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: YES!
Buckwits: Yes.

Chernovetsky: Yes. You probably love dedushkas more, don’t you?
Buckwits: Well, we do love babushkas. [single voice]

Chernovetsky: Okay, then. Do you love Kyivites?
Buckwits: Yes!

Chernovetsky: Do you love ORDINARY KYIVITES?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: DO YOU LOVE THEM OR NOT???
Buckwits: Yeees, we do!

Chernovetsky: Good, I love them too. What about Ukrainians?
Buckwits: Yes! [some said no]

Chernovetsky: Is Ukraine our motherland?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Chernovetsky: O-U-R MO-THER-LAND! We’re not going anywhere from here. Now look, I pray for Ukraine, for Kyivites, for ordinary people — whom I love more than my life — for my kids, for your kids…for my grandkids, for your grandkids. Today, they are destitute, their living standards are bad. Can the Mayor protect them — all over Ukraine?
Buckwits: Yes!

Chernovetsky: Can he or can he not?
Buckwits: Yes, he can!

Chernovetsky: Yes, he can!
Buckwits: Yes, he can!

Chernovetsky: Indeed, he can. It’s for real. Before age 40, I was destitute...like many Kyivites...but God gave me the opportunity to reach the shining top…which is called serving Him and nobody else but Him. [pause] Today, I don’t need money. I gave people a million times more than I ever took. And, every time, I pray and say: Lord [crosses himself], for everything I earn, for every kopiyka, I want to give back a thousand times more to every homeless boy, elderly babushka, elderly dedushka, to all Kyivites who are within their right to count on the fact that the Mayor has a heart, love for the people, and faith in God.

What can I say?



And then he sang that song again, this time using a song sheet.



Aside from the rallies and kindergartens, he also performs at St. Valentine’s Day parties.





If Yeltsin danced his way to reelection in 1996, why can’t he?

But if they love no one but Chernovetsky, how can they love Jesus Christ, let alone Oles Dovhy? It’s amazing how some people responded to the “do you love Ukrainians?” question. They probably don’t belong here.

Well, Chernovetsky certainly thinks he does belong here. Where else would he strike that much gold?

Plus, he clearly wants to be the ‘mayor of Ukraine’ so he can love us more and more and more — more than his life.

Just ask his wife.

Alina Aivazova, wife: He loves you! As the wife, I hereby certify this. He loves you! He loves you! And now I want to hear: Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova, wife: I kind of don’t get it. It seems you’re not loud enough. There are 50,000 people here, but I can’t hear every voice. Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova: Do you love Leonid Chernovetsky?
Buckwits: Yeees!

Alina Aivazova: Then understand this: He loves you with a Godly love.

He should have fed them more buckwheat though. In that swallow-regurgitate cosmochesis, he sounds more vocal than the buckwits.

Videos uploaded from:
http://tsn.ua
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113628.html

Kosmos Sings Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (Updated)

Not only does he compare himself to Midas, but he also appears to be moonstruck.

Ladies and gentlemen, babushkas and dedushkas, welcome the incredible Mayor of Kyiv, Leonid "Kosmos" Chernovetsky!



This is a cover version of a song by Mikhail Shufutinsky. One of its soul-searching verses rang a bell in my head. I took the liberty of translating it:

О чем-то дальнем, неземном (0:50, 1:04)
О чем-то близком, дорогом (0:56, 1:12)
Сгорая, плачут свечи
Сгорая, плачут свечи

Of something distant, not from Earth
Of something dear, very close
The candles here are crying
The candles here are crying

To me, it kind of echoes the refrain from "Pardonne-moi ce caprice d'enfant" ("Forgive Me This Childish Whim") by Mireille Mathieu.

Pardonne-moi ce caprice d'enfant
Pardonne-moi, reviens moi come avant
Je t'aime trop et je ne peux pas vivre sans toi

Forgive me this childish whim
Forgive me, come back to me as before
I love you too much and I can't live without you

Is that rip-off meant to comfort the poor heartbroken babushkas whom he wanted to rip off every time they visited a cemetery or a doctor?

Video uploaded from: http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/lounge/499408a0944d8
Original source: http://kievtv.com.ua

UPDATE
Never underestimate the power of singing! Following yesterday's collapse of his majority in the City Council, he mobilized a buckwit babushka rally on Friday, where he performed more of his sexy songs.



Video uploaded from: http://5.ua

Kyiv Mayor Breaks Traffic Rules, Video Shows

With traffic laws getting tougher, many drivers have rediscovered safer driving, bringing accident rates down.

Still, the tougher laws don’t work for the tough guys (aka mazhory) who remain secure in the belief they can get away with murder. (The tougher laws certainly didn’t work for the tough Mercedes S600 guy who ignored traffic lights and hit a woman at full speed. The woman died. The driver, DUI, attempted to flee the scene.)

A non-lethal yet high-profile traffic violation case involves Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky, whose Rolls-Royce took the opposite lane — at least twice — while driving away from a restaurant.

STB caught the act on its candid camera and took the footage to the top brass at the DAI (spelled da-yi), the country’s highway patrol police.

Cop 1 detected three violations, for a total of Hr. 1,500 ($195) in fines, but added that the footage cannot be used as evidence. Cop 2 found two violations, punishable with a fine of Hr. 255-340 ($33-44), and said the footage must be examined for authenticity.

The DAI will report its ruling within 15 days.

Meanwhile, Mayor Chernovetsky orders cemeteries to charge entry fees and then raids kindergartens to sing “V lesu rodilas yolochka” in front of the cameras.




More “one law for all” updates. Vitaliy Finegold, the Crimean mazhor who killed a 25-year old woman with his Bentley last summer, has been released from custody. Police claims putting Finegold under oath not to leave town, pending investigation of him as a witness, not as a suspect.

In a country where judges harvest bribes, the system holds very little justice for the likes of Finegold.

A week ago, a court in Lutsk summarily amnestied the sons of a Rivne Court of Appeals judge, after sentencing them to 48 and 54 months’ imprisonment for beating a man to death.

The court based its ruling on “extenuating circumstances”: the younger defendant was a minor at the time of the crime, the older defender has two children.

Videos uploaded from:
http://kiev.pravda.com.ua/news/49788149d4ba5/
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/112177.html
Original sources:
http://stb.ua
http://5.ua

Kosmos Sings — Again!

He loves his job
He loves his babushkas
He owes the job
To the babushkas

They take his handouts
They take his songs
They vote for him
He can't be wrong

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, let me present my nominee for Best Male Pop Mayoral Performance!

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky:

Утро ворвалось в дом (Utro vorvalos v dom)
Мы с тобой вдвоем (My s toboi vdvoyom)
Любимая моя (Lyubimaya moya)

The dawn broke into our home
We're together alone
My dear loved one

Very nice music! I always listen to music and quietly…I sing to myself. Let me do a verse for you.

Утро ворвалось в дом (Utro vorvalos v dom)
Мы с тобой вдвоем (My s toboi vdvoyom)
Любимая моя (Lyubimaya moya)

The dawn broke into our home
We're together alone
My dear loved one

That’s the way it is.

Actually, it sounds more like a remix of Vyacheslav Bykov's original "Lyubimaya moya" song. In his remix, Chernovetsky mixes two lines from two different verses: verse 4, line 1, and verse 2, line 2.

But such nitpicking hardly matters to his target audience.

With wave after wave of Chernocopia descending on Kyiv, I bet he’ll garner his fair share of Grammys, uh, sorry, grannies, come next election. Well, he loves younger women, too.

He puts the job first, though.

Intoxicated with power and obsessed with taxes, he recently ordered city cemeteries to charge entry fees.

His daughter will run Krashche Zhyttya (Better Life), a company that buys apartments from elderly people and places the latter in retirement homes, where they will be treated to a diet of "caviar and pineapples."

Because Kyiv ranks above Brussels and Berlin in real estate prices, this business model may turn out to be yet another moneymaking machine.

Video uploaded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/111459.html
Original video sources:
http://tsn.ua
http://kanalukraina.tv/

$100,000 for a Meeting With a Babushka Lover-Singer

Down with bribery! Long live babushkas!

Kyiv Mayor Leonid “Kosmos” Chernovetsky: For the last lunch, the entrepreneurs paid me $800,000 — paid to the budget. All of this will go to my beloved babushkas. They will also pay us for meeting with every one of my deputies. I’ll charge not less than $100,000 for a meeting.

Wow! The $50,000 rate is history! The stakes are skyrocketing!

The “pay grades” per meeting: Deputy Mayor Irena Kilchytska, up to $10,000; other deputies, at least $11,000, the land department chief, $5,000. (Poor Irena! I think the City Hall needs to hire someone from Hay or Mercer to ensure internal consistency, or some talent may walk out the door.)

Chernovetsky: First, you show me a slip certifying that you paid for a meeting with the modest Mayor who loves babushkas — to the tune of $100,000 — and then you talk about your problems. And this goes only to the budget of Kyiv. There will be a note from the bank: “Paid to the budget of Kyiv for the benefit of the Mayor’s beloved babushkas.” That’s it! If you want to do business fast, please pay less than a bribe — to the budget — and breathe easy. That’s the approach I declare.

He doesn’t just declare it. He serenades it.

Bonus track: “Pisnya pro rushnyk (Ridna maty moya),” or “A Song About the Towel (Native Mother of Mine)”

Chernovetsky: I’m a very creative person. I have a tender soul. I have a musical education, absolute pitch. On New Year’s Eve, I will sing to all Ukrainians…the song I was born with: “Ridna maty moya,” alright, “ty nochei ne dospala.” I’ve sung this song for the outstanding Channel 5 — completely — I was euphoric, it was Sunday, before I went to bed. Then I had a good night’s sleep myself. And now, to the world’s best channel, TV channel, TRK Kyiv. Enjoy! Say what? Shall we do it? Will you show it? Maybe I shouldn’t?

Reporters: Go ahead! Go ahead!

Chernovetsky:

Рiдна мати моя, ти ночей не доспала,
Ти водила мене у поля край села, [hums]
I в дорогу далеку ти мене на зорi проводжала,
I рушник вишиваний на щастя дала.
I в дорогу далеку ти мене на зорi проводжала,
I рушник вишиваний на щастя, на долю дала. [hums]

Bye! [laughs]

Video uploaded from: http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MjI5ODQmdnQ9MA
Original source: http://videonews.com.ua
Sources:
http://ua.proua.com/news/2008/12/23/160613.html
http://www.ukrcenter.com/library/read.asp?id=140