Pressed by Putin, Is This How Yanukovych Feels Right Now?

When the West left on their Christmas vacation, they forgot one small thing.




Problem is, he won't last long, will he?

In case he won’t, here's a requiem for U.S. foreign policy. To its noble cause of “containing Russia” and its attempts to "re-Sovietize the region." After the “reset button” and the “lowly enriched iranium” deal, that is. Did I miss something? Oh yeah...and after all those Clinton-friendly borscht parties organized by one of our oligarchs (whose well-being largely depends on doing business with...Eurasia.)
 
Ladies and gentlemen, “Goodbye America” by the Russian/Soviet band Nautilus Pompilius!



 
Its deeply philosophical, if not prophetic, lyrics defy translation. 

Ironically, it came out in 1985, at the dawn of perestroika. At that time, the American Way of Life was seeping through the cracks of a stagnant sausage-starved society.
 
Soon, it would start driving the Soviet psyche crazy. In just five years, the Cold War would be over. A year later, the Soviet Union itself would end up in the dustbin of history.
 
In the West, you guys relished in the “end of history.” Here in the post-Soviet world, it was more like the beginning of hell. Economically and psychologically.  

No wonder pro-Western sentiment cooled considerably, after a decade of klepto-capitalism. (Which wasn’t exactly the super-sexy consumer paradise that the average Ivan had envisaged in 1988.) So in 2000, when the back-to-Mother Russia-themed Brother 2 blockbuster hit the screen, “Goodbye America” reincarnated as something of a de-Westoxication anthem.



 
And now it kind of echoes the West's failure to fully engage “one small thing” called Ukraine.

Hope I’m wrong on this. That would save me the trouble of doing a blog entry entitled How the Clintons Denuclearized Ukraine Back Into the USSR.

Yatsenyuk: Free Tymoshenko as Ukraine Pays More than EU

It's all about freedom.



Government or opposition or grand coalition, they all need freedom. They need freedom — the freedom — to do whatever they want with this country.

Tymoshenko makes her gas ordeal with Putin, Yanukovych legitimizes it with his gas-for-fleet discount. Yatsenyuk wants Tymoshenko's vote, but not Yanukovych's verdict (in case he does what they did). That's the kind of freedom they all need.



Freedom from accountability. They play, we pay.



Decriminalize this DUI priest now! Priests and politicians must be free.

Sources:
http://blogs.pravda.com.ua/authors/pyshny/4f30eaaf00601/
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/196465
/oppozitsiya_blokiruet_vystuplenie_prezidenta_yanukovich_pytaetsya_perekrichat_deputatov_video
http://kiev.pravda.com.ua/news/4f33d0a7b3ff1/

Few Books, Lots of Booze for Rural Teens

Try playing the $125/mo English teacher in rural Ukraine.



No castles, no showers, no bidets. No textbooks either.

Well, here’s the consolation prize: booze.



Some bright kids go for the books.



Others don’t. What a great supply of labor migrants for energy-rich Russia and englightened Europe.

The same Europe that pays less for Russia’s gas and values some of Ukraine’s elites so much. Talk about European values.

Luckily, those 45 Ukrainians on board the Costa Concordia have survived. Will the captain apply for asylum? In Russia or Mezhyhirya maybe?



Meanwhile, Tymoshenko’s tigress is expecting. Some French guy did this.




No, he’s not in the government and hasn’t picked up his Légion d'honneur yet:)

Sources:
http://life.pravda.com.ua/society/2012/01/13/92774/
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/navchannya-bez-pidruchnikiv.html
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/yake-dozvillya-vlashtovuyut-sobi-silski-uchni.html
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/angliyska-z-korovami-abo-yak-zaohotiti-vchitisya-progulnikiv.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYwLQDwqDCI
http://tsn.ua/video/video-novini/ulyublenicya-timoshenko-narodit-vid-francuza.html

5,000 Fans Rally Outside Lockup as Tymoshenko Turns 51

"Вітю на нари, Юлю на Канари!" (0:32-0:35)

Ukrainians celebrate opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko birthday from alexey solodunov on Vimeo.

"Put Viktor in jail and Yulia in a fairy tale!" (poetic translation:)

As if 2008-2009 wasn’t enough of a fairy tale. The economy drops 15%, the hryvnia loses 60% of its value. People lose their jobs, savings and homes.

And PM/presidential candidate Tymoshenko loses €100K on a Spain getaway?























Not to mention her gas deal that now has Ukraine (Gazprom’s biggest client ‘10) paying well above the EU spot rates: $414 v. $360-$380. We'd be paying $514 had Yanukovych not won that super-magic gas-for-fleet discount.

Not only have we joined the EU, we’ve gone the extra mile.



So where are we, ladies? Jamaica? Haiti?



Sources:
http://vimeo.com/32764239
http://censor.net.ua/video_news/189365/miting_u_sizo_5_tysyach_storonnikov_gory_tsvetov_i_horovoe_penie_gimna_video http://mignews.com.ua/ru/articles/93629.html
http://durdom.in.ua/uk/main/photo/photo_id/27664/person_id/1.phtml
http://focus.ua/

Yanukovych Face Carved on Watermelon

Children and adults, singers and sculptors, eastern Ukrainians love their leader.



Obviously, the 50% utility hike, effective August 1, hasn’t hit home yet.

If that’s not enough, don’t worry. There’ll be another 50% hike in April 2011.

Contrary to what the watermelon face had promised, the gas-for-fleet discount turned out to be not-so-water-tight when it comes to ordinary people.

Oh, wait, you can try your luck applying for a subsidy.



Just remember: Whatever Yanukovych does to you, it’s all Tymoshenko’s fault.

Here’s a Donetsk businessman who appeals to Yanukovych to protect him and locals from Lozynsky-type thugs who identify with the Party of Regions.



Why not put their faces on watermelons too? Maybe the IMF could even sponsor an art exhibit?

In Russian cuisine, they have creative ideas of their own.

Lenin and his associates consumed Russians and others by the million. Now, how about some Russians consume some Lenin? Piece of cake!


Амелькина "ленина съели". Огромный торт изображающий ленина в натуральную величину. Его режут,

Yummy. I’m lovin’ it!

Videos uploaded/embedded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/167455.html
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/167682.html
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/167645.html
http://www.newstube.ru/media/amel%27kina-lenina-s%27%27eli-ogromnyj-tort-izobrazhayushhij-lenina-v-natural%27nuyu-velichinu-ego-rezhut
Original sources:
http://kanalukraina.tv
http://www.1tv.com.ua
http://www.tvc.ru

Tymoshenko Awakens to Abuses of Power (Not Her Own)

When I hop from rally to rally, Sleeping Beauty never shows up.

In fact, her party supports a law that I rallied against.

But when her gas cronies get busted, she cries blue murder.



That’s one hell of a “need to protest” mode.

Video embedded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/163378.html

Opposition Vet Slams Today’s Underperformers

Stepan Khmara, 72, comes from the old school of opposition.

His opposition took him through seven years of political imprisonment in the ‘80s and three consecutive parliamentary terms in 1990-2002.

In remarks below, he reflects on the opposition’s handling of the gas-for-fleet ratification process.

Stepan Khmara: When I saw this picture of them standing...uh...by the flags, I knew pretty well that...uh...the meeting wouldn’t be...uh...disrupted. Because if you want to do it, we really did it — and quite a few times. And they had to unfold that flag, hold hands, pose before the cameras and so on. They weren’t thinking about the result. They needed the picture. That’s why it was an ugly scene for me to see.

I kind of agree with his assessment. The make-some-noise technique goes only so far.


Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/158048.html
Original source: http://5.ua

Yanukovych Explains Gas-for-Fleet

My voters like me, the West likes me, Russia likes me.

Who the hell do you think you are if you don’t like me?

Yanukovych: After five years of making an enemy of Russia, it was not easy to restore the Russian leadership’s trust toward Ukraine. But I have managed to do that and today I am ready to report to my voters. From now on, dialogue with our big neighbor will rest on the basis of equality, good neighborhood and healthy pragmatism, not confrontation and anti-Russian rhetoric.

Was this achieved at too high a price? No. Because the agreements reached with Moscow are mutually beneficial. The documents signed in Kharkiv will secure a significant decrease in the price of gas, which means an increase in the social welfare of every Ukrainian, the beginning of our economy’s recovery from a deep crisis.

It also means a guaranteed strength...strengthening of energy security for the entire continent of Europe. The entire civilized world has approved of the results of my negotiations with President Medvedev. In Washington, Brussels, in all European capitals, they are considered a definite success for Ukraine.

It is only our opposition that re...remains unsatisfied. Why do they call you to new barricades? Why are they shaking up the stabilnist that was achieved for the first in the many years of endless wars between government leaders? Because once again they seek to dissolve Parliament in the name of so-called political expediency. Because they understand this: Stabilnist, a strong chain of command, order and normalization of relations with Russia is their political demise.

Once again, they are struggling for power at any price. They need war. The recent events in the Verkhovna Rada have shown that the political adventurists are ready to toss smoke grenades not only on the Parliament floor but also at the entire Ukraine. We need stabilnist and development, the ability to work normally, pass reforms and be friends with our neighbors.

And we will achieve this just as we have managed to resist, in kind, the opponents of changes for the better. Soon, you will be convinced that we are heading in the right direction. I bear personal responsibility for this. I promise you: Ukraine will be strong and prosperous. Movement toward this goal has begun.
1:40-4:24

Speaking of movement, we now have a Yanukovych-only highway in Kyiv!

This highway helps Yanukovych move from his Principality of Yanuco (aka Mezhyhirya) to his workplace and back — as people-free as possible.
Reform #4 (underway): Naftogaz+nuclear power+aerospace industry+you name it=Friendship With Russia, Inc.


“Sold!”

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/157760.html Original source: http://kanalukraina.tv

Putin: ‘I Would Eat Both Yanukovych And…Aaaand…’

Last year, a Russian news anchor called President Medvedev “Prime Minister of Russia.” Even more hilariously, he then called PM Putin by his previous job title: “President.”

As if in revenge, during his recent inspection of Kyiv, Putin degraded Yanukovych and even entertained the idea of cannibalizing him.

Putin: The price that...uh...that they rolled out at us — to me it was completely off the charts. For this amount of money, I would eat both Yanukovych and...aaaaaand your president combined. But...I really...but the money is just...no military base in the world is worth that much money. There’s no price like that.

Mr. Putin, do you have a name for that “president” of ours? Does he know you'd eat him along with Yanukovych?

Let me guess. You meant that bad guy Yushchenko, right? He’s not our president anymore! Besides, he still may have some dioxin left in him.

But if you want both Yushchenko and Yanukovych, be my guest.

Need an appetizer? Try Chicken Kiev Chicken Obama and his audaciously hopeful uranium-over-democracy sauce.

Hell, you can even digest this retro book of recipes:

Recently, I returned from a trip to Ukraine, where I had the opportunity to meet the nation's third president, Viktor Yushchenko. Since the country first broke away from the Soviet Union more than a decade earlier, Ukraine has been trying to forge its own identity and assert its own independence from Russia. This culminated earlier this year in the Orange Revolution, a mass demonstration from thousands of protestors who stood by Yushchenko and his promise to move his country further from the sphere of Russian influence.

President Yushchenko finally won. But today, Ukraine remains almost entirely dependent on - guess who -- Russia - for all it's oil and gas supplies. And it is widely expected that in anticipation of next year's parliamentary elections, Russia will triple the prices of both. Despite all the soaring rhetoric, the demonstrations and the courage, Ukraine still finds itself at the mercy of its former patron - a nation that can now influence every political and economic decision they make - all because of oil.

This will not be America's future - but this is the stranglehold that fossil fuels can have on a nation's freedom. Ukraine may have little choice in the matter. The most powerful and wealthy nation on earth, teeming with brilliant minds and cutting-edge technology, surely does. The genius of the American people has already shown us the path towards energy independence, now they're just waiting for their government to take them there. Let's finally get it done. Thank you.

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/157424.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

$100/30% Gas Discount Means Russia’s Fleet Stays Until 2042

Reform #3: America wins, Russia wins, oligarchy wins, Ukraine loses.

Ever since Tymoshenko signed that whorrible gas deal with Putin in 2009, Yanukovych couldn’t control himself.

In fact, he raced so fast to meet with Medvedev that his motorcade ambulance killed this man.




In Kharkiv, where the two presidents met, most Ukrainian reporters got booted from the joint press conference. The Russian ones stayed on and didn’t misbehave, which made it easy for both presidents.

Yanukovych finds it easy to give away what doesn’t belong to him.

Just nine days after he promised to rid Ukraine of a few bombs’ worth of enriched uranium — worth over $1B — the same story happens again.

No prior public discussions. No questions asked. No cost-benefit analyses. Except this one:

Medvedev: Our Ukrainian partners will receive a gas discount in the amount of...uh...$100 if the price of gas is higher than $330 per 1,000 cubic meters, and, if the price is lower, 30% off the contract price. [takes a deep breath] This discount, accordingly, is a real resource that will be at our Ukrainian partners’ disposal.

Yanukovych (ProFFessor of Economics): In the following 10 years, Ukraine…will receive a real investment resource that, our experts estimate, it...will be...provided by Russia to Ukraine in the form of this...uh...resource aid, specifically gas, worth…this sum totals approximately about $40B. The Black Sea Fleet will be one of the security guarantors...among the Black Sea basin countries. And we support President Medvedev’s initiative...uh...to review the issue of...to review the concept of European collective security.

Medvedev (waxes Putinesque): A real partnership step. Both on the part of Russia and on the part of Ukraine. It is the step we’ve been expecting for a long time. It is these actions that provide a test of true intentions of neighbors, friends, relatives...countries dear to us. [takes a deep breath] And Ukraine took that step today, as did the Russian Federation.

So here’s the deal: The oligarchs get the “resource aid” they need, and the slaves get the stabilnist they deserve.

Last, but definitely not least: The deal violates the Constitution of Ukraine.

Article 17 bars foreign military bases from operating on Ukrainian territory. There’s only one exception: “the existing military bases on the territory of Ukraine,” as stipulated in the transitional provisions.

Target ratification date: April 27. If the fleet-for-gas deal overwrites the 1997-2017 lease agreement, then Yanukovych should **** the Constitution and Parliament one more time.

Which probably means that the deal will be effective as long as Yanukovych remains omnipotent.

Meanwhile, the opposition has set out to impeach Yanukovych.

Tymoshenko calls for an emergency session to be held Saturday and welcomes everyone to an opposition rally.

Videos uploaded/embedded from:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/articles/2010/04/21/4951559
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/156717.html
http://ictv.ua

‘Everything’s Gone!’ Cartoons Blast Tymoshenko

“Everything’s Gone!” owes its name to Tymoshenko’s 45 seconds of infamy as the-lovelorn-lady-about-to-address-the-nation.

The soundtrack is a parody of “Ти ж мене підманула,” the popular Ukrainian folk song about a young man whose date didn’t show up.

The refrain of the original song goes like this:

You made a fool of me
You failed me once again
You made me drool over
And you made me go insane

The refrain of the first cartoon soundtrack goes like this:

I fooled you all, people
I failed you all, folks
I want to be president
And I've got enough dough

In the cartoons, the Tymoshenko character starts with “I” and waxes poetic. She covers just about everything:

Part 1: Soviet savings, broken military promises, lies, gas, Gazprom, Putin;



Part 2: Communists, Lytvyn, IMF loans, tax returns, Louis Vuitton, talk shows, Yatsenyuk, Ratushnyak, “She’s working;”



Part 3: White Tigress=White Rat, white rats=Tymoshenko cronies, kleptocracy, broken promises, brainwashing;



Part 4: Pedogate, Kuchma cronies in BYuT, Hubsky, Lozynsky, Yushchenko, “With YU❤kraine at Heart,” Pugacheva, kleptocracy.



Brought to you by Obozrevatel, the popular online engine controlled by Mykhailo Brodsky, who has a love-and-hate relationship with Tymoshenko.

Videos uploaded from:
http://prikol.obozrevatel.com/info/638.htm
http://prikol.obozrevatel.com/info/708.htm
http://prikol.obozrevatel.com/info/797.htm
http://prikol.obozrevatel.com

Putin Refers to Holodomor Memorial as ‘Someplace,’ Jokes About Yushchenko-Saakashvili Meeting

Two high-level/high-humor meetings took place in Ukraine on Thursday.

When Yushchenko met with Saakashvili in Kyiv, he spoke Ukrainian and misspelled Medvedev’s first name and patronymic as Анатолій Дмитрович (Anatoly Dmytrovych).

In Russian, that would be Анатолий Дмитриевич (Anatoly Dmitriyevich), an ass-backwards version of Дмитрий Анатольевич (Dmitry Anatolyevich).

Ukrainian President Yushchenko: Today, I made an appeal to the Russian President, Анатолій Дмитрович [Anatoly Dmytrovych]...uh...that they [gas agreements] be reviewed and canceled because their motive is not based on organizing symmetric market relations of two businesses regarding the issue at hand.

Spokeswoman Iryna Vannykova: Mr. President, you misspoke slightly. You said Анатолій Дмитрович [Anatoly Dmytrovych] when you should have said Дмитро Анатолійович [Dmytro Anatoliyovych]. I don’t know if it’s worth telling you...

Yushchenko: Oh...
Vannykova [to Yushchenko]: OK, let’s wrap it up then.

Vannykova [to reporters]: OK, colleagues, thank you! The press conference is over. Thanks!

For some reason, Yushchenko chose not to correct himself even after his whispering spokeswoman quickly approached him about it.

When Tymoshenko met with Putin in Yalta, Crimea, Ukraine, later in the day, the two spoke Russian.

Putin didn’t behave like a guest. He behaved like a czar. And Tymoshenko behaved like his sweetheart.

Asked about Yushchenko and Saakashvili — and their pilgrimage to the Holodomor Memorial in Kyiv — Putin paraded his sense of Berlusconi 2.0 humor.

Poking fun at Yushchenko’s support of Saakashvili in the Russia-Georgia of 2008, Putin built a cascade of jokes. One of them even had a Pushkin quote interpolated into it.

Putin’s joke about the danger that Saakashvili and his nervous tie-munching behavior could pose to Yushchenko elicited an outburst of laughter and admiration from Tymoshenko. See for yourself.

Russian PM Vladimir Putin: Uh...what our colleagues were doing, I have no idea, but I think that...uh...two presidents always have things to talk about: to discuss somethin', to go someplace* [smiles]: “The warriors recalled their days bygone, and all the battles they never won.”** Maybe that was that [audience explodes with laughter]. We...we’re going together to...we’re now going to...to a dinner...my colleague has invited me...to...I’d say we’ll be talking about...about Chekhov. Well...that’s it, I guess. Oh yes, what else can I advise and recommend? Uh...the two presidents would better have their dinner — should they have dinner — with their ties off.*** Ties cost a lot now. Heaven forbid...you know what I’m talking about [audience explodes with laughter].

Ukrainian PM Yulia Tymoshenko [gets excited, addresses Putin by patronymic]: Vladimirovich, I definitely can have dinner with my tie off!

Putin: Yep!
Tymoshenko: Hahaha!

Putin: Ha, lest the guests will...gobble up Yushchenko’s tie!

*Reflects on Yushchenko and Saakashvili visiting the Holodomor Memorial, an issue in the reporter's question [full video available here];

**Quotes from Alexander Pushkin’s The Song of Oleg the Wise [verse translation mine];

***Refers to Saakashvili’s tie-munching behavior.

Bravo! This comes as a sequel to the famous “mazurik” joke that Putin cracked about Yushchenko while meeting with Tymoshenko in Moscow in October 2008.

Putin and Tymoshenko should finally coin the term humor diplomacy.

Let's say Merkel goes to Russia and takes a pot shot at the Siege of Leningrad and the million of Russians who perished in the famine. Meanwhile, Hu goes to New York, Washington or Jerusalem and pokes fun at 9/11 and the Holocaust. How's that for a start?

Oh, by the way, Mr. Putin, thank you for your generosity! It’s a huge relief you won’t fine Ukraine based on those whorrible “we take, you pay” terms of the gas deal that you and Tymoshenko had signed last January.

You may now take off your tie and take your sweetheart to the finest restaurant in town.

Make yourself at home!

Videos uploaded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/139665.html
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/139650.html
Original sources:
http://blogs.telekritika.ua
http://5.ua

Tymoshenko Blasts Yushchenko for Calling Her ‘Bum’

When Yushchenko called her “bum,” he meant her incredibly humble tax returns.

When she returned the courtesy, she used the word tyrit (тырить — Russian slang/Putin-speak for steal).

Putin uses tyrit to describe what he calls Ukraine’s theft of Russian gas — every time Gazprom cuts off gas supplies.

PM Yulia Tymoshenko: I was surprised when I saw in the President’s tax returns some 13 hectares [32 acres] of newly acquired land in Bezradychi, Kyiv. I, too, think that, perhaps compared to the President, I look like a bum, because I haven’t snitched a single plot of government land while working as Prime Minister.

What about your associates? What about buying Tamiflu from that quadruple-charging intermediary that caused shortages and contributed to deaths?

I voted for you three times: in 2006, 2007 and 2008.

Why can’t you say “I’m not a crook” without lapsing into Putinese: dictatorship of law, tyrit, what’s next?

Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/139110.html
Original source: http://tsn.ua

Yulia in the Sky With Diamonds

Q: What’s the difference between middle-class Ukrainians and upper-class Ukrainians?

A: Middle-class Ukrainians make up about 5% of the population. By contrast, upper-class Ukrainians run the government (or have friends/relatives there) and often report middle-class incomes.

Take PM/gasocialite Yulia Tymoshenko.

She cloaks herself in her Louis Vuitton attire and flies off to Luxembourg, begging for a $4B loan to compensate for her Putin-leaning gas deal.


She dresses to impress.



She puts on a $550 Louis Vuitton scarf, complete with the LV logo, as if to tell the EU how badly she needs the money.


No wonder, she gets the finger (as of this writing).

By the way, until April 2009, when she filed her 2008 tax returns, she had reported lower-middle-class earnings (by European standards).

According to her 2004-2007 tax returns, she had owned neither cars nor stock nor real estate. Not bad for someone who lives in a splendid mansion worth several million dollars. Initially, she claimed to have bought it but then claimed to have rented it, with no rent whatsoever quoted in her tax returns.

Now, take her aide, Olha Trehubova.


This government official obviously wants to keep up with her boss — or even surpass her boss. While in Luxembourg, she wore a waterproof Ulysse Nardin watch — 18 carats of gold plus a diamond-laced dial — worth $25,430.






The two ladies go way back — back to Tymoshenko’s “Gas Princess” years: In the mid ‘90s, Tymoshenko’s company, United Energy Systems of Ukraine, was trading billions of dollars in natural gas.

A longtime confidante of Tymoshenko, Trehubova has been the definition of success for a Ukrainian government official. Thanks to Ukraine’s overblown MP perks — and contrary to Tymoshenko’s sweet promises — she became the proud owner of a taxpayer-paid apartment in an upscale Kyiv neighborhood. Her son landed a spot on the BYuT party list and became an MP. That’s what friends are for, right?

Oh, I forgot to mention the model name of her watch: Lady Diver.

Come Election Day, I hope both ladies take the dive they deserve.

Sources:
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4a3f955cb98d6/
http://tabloid.pravda.com.ua/brand/4a391ace277c4/

Putin Calls Tymoshenko ‘Yulia Vladimirovich’

After royally pissing Putin off with that Ukraine-EU gas deal and nearly forfeiting the $5B loan, Tymoshenko went to Moscow to please the man.

And guess what? The man's got himself on his mind. Here’s how he referred to Yulia Volodymyrivna Tymoshenko (Vladimirovna in Russian):

Russian PM Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin: Today, we've already talked in private meetings and we've talked eye-to-eye with...with Yulia Vladimirovich...uh...with Yulia Vladimirovna...

He went on to address the issue of Ukraine’s solvency, lecturing Tymoshenko and airing his lingering dislike of the EU at the same time.

Putin: The price of the shipment is 5 billion dollars. Go to Brussels...
Reporter: And do what?

Putin: And get 5 billion dollars and pay Gazprom. That’s it.
Reporter: Uh...

Putin: And that’s...the whole matter, down to the last kopeck. The issue being raised here is us financing this issue.

I think I found a picture of Yulia Vladimirovich.



Video uploaded from: http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/120730.html Original sources:
http://stb.ua
http://tsn.ua

Politspoofs from Obozrevatel

Yushchenko, Tymoshenko, Yanukovych, Firtash, Boiko, Lyovochkin, Putin, Medvedev, gas, the $5B loan... It's all in there!

Enjoy these political spoofs, brought to you by Obozrevatel and based on Nu, pogodi! (Well, Just You Wait!), the Soviet equivalent of Tom and Jerry.





My favorite line (translation mine):

Yushchenko: Країну ми прокутім/This country we'll be looting
Tymoshenko: Бабла одолжит Путин/We'll get the dough from Putin
Yanukovych: Он воздух портит, выпуская газ/He spoils the air with his gas

Videos uploaded from:
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http://video.oboz.ua/movie.php?aWQ9MjU0MjAmdnQ9MA

Watch More of the Yushchenko-Tymoshenko Duel

Enjoy a few more moments from the Tuesday meeting of the RNBO (Rada natsionalnoyi bezpeky i oborony, or National Security and Defense Council).

President Yushchenko: First, the gas price is raised unjustifiably high, then validol is administered: must be hard on you, eh? We’re giving you a boundless loan so that you can pay for what you can’t cover. Then, this loan must be repaid. The budget will not repay this money. It’s understood. The National Bank of Ukraine will say that it has a reserve limit below which it will not go. There’s only one way to service the debt of national state monopoly NAK Naftogaz: its bankruptcy...a bankruptcy with all the assets to be sold toward the settlement of the loan.

PM Tymoshenko: In fact, an attempt was made today — and it’s in progress now — to break all the direct agreements between NAK Naftogaz and Gazprom and to revert to the corrupt shadowy intermediaries RosUkrEnergo. Just in case, I want to tell you that the 11 billion cubic meters of [technological] gas that state enterprise NAK Naftogaz and the entire Ukraine obtained at a discount price of $159.3 — they now want, via an RNBO resolution, to return it to RosUkrEnergo, a private entity, from which they plan to make a profit of at least 4 billion dollars.

Interestingly, the RNBO website does not offer an English version (not even a crappy one) and yet boasts a highly creative English-language URL: http://www.rainbow.gov.ua.

At least, the penny-wise and dollar-stupid leprechauns in the government drop some hints as to the whereabouts of the proverbial pot of gold.


Video uploaded from:
http://obozrevatel.com/_site/src/test/news_video.aspx?_id=285318
Original source:
http://5.ua

Yushchenko Calls $5B Loan 'Molotov-Ribbentrop Protocol' (Updated)

Speaking at a national security meeting Tuesday, President Yushchenko breathed fire at PM Tymoshenko’s dealings with Russia and emphatically denied role in corrupt gas schemes.



I translated some of the juicy quotes (as originally quoted by Ukrayinska Pravda):

The hardest thing morally and psychologically is to comment on the fact that behind these two grand gas agreements a secret Molotov-Ribbentrop protocol was made, when it comes to the $5B loan on the part of Russia.

I find it revolting that, as part of the consultations, without the approval of the head of state, without the approval of parliament, the zero option is being considered.

See No. 11 where it says “the prospects of ratifying the zero option agreement.”

These are serious questions for the Ukrainian nation, ones that should not depend on the improvisation of one person, regardless of the person’s high rank.

The most cynical argument of the last few years was this: work without intermediaries. Should I say the government is working poorly, I get accused of being related to RosUkrEnergo.

I don’t want this, I’m sick of this. I was not involved in your stinky gas for a single day in my life — [it’s not true] that I had some sort of private interest in it, that either I or my family had some private interest in it! I have the honor to say this time and again.

“Not a single word of Mr. Yushchenko is true,” Tymoshenko struck back.

More quotes from Tymoshenko:

As Prime Minister, to cover the planned budget deficit, I contacted several countries to get loans as usual. Today, I’m having talks with all the countries, and all this hogwash that is being said — about some zero options, about the betrayal of national interests — these are non-negotiables.

If we manage to agree with any country in the world, it will be just a simple loan agreement with a market interest rate.

I haven't seen it for the life of me. There’s no Prime Minister’s signature on it. I don’t know where these photocopies came from.

Sources:
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89393.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89395.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89399.htm
http://www.pravda.com.ua/news/2009/2/10/89401.htm
Video uploaded from:
http://censor.net.ua/go/offer/ResourceID/113160.html
Original source:
http://5.ua

Gas Humor: Unstoppable!

Welcome to the latest edition of gas-related (mostly) user-generated content brought to you by Durdom.in.ua!


Gazfilm: a parody on Mosfilm


R.I.P RosUkrEnergo
A pensive Yushchenko (left), accompanied by a mournful Yanukovych (right)
Festoon captions: "From Boiko," "From Putin," "From Firtash," "We love, we remember, we're calculating our losses."


GDP


A reference to presidential election 2010 and Euro 2012

Collages dedicated to Tymoshenko's allegations that Yatsenyuk seeks campaign financing from Firtash and that Yushchenko supported RosUkrEnergo:

Caption: "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
Callout: "According to Central Election Committee data, the Firtash-Yatsenyuk Bloc scored 51 percent [of the vote]..."


"For the carrot, I'm ready to do everything, Master!"


"Citizens, beware: Got a kid? Raise him properly!"


"Queen of Gas: The Final Kiss"


Gas talks

A funny take on Kyiv Mayor Leonid "Kosmos" Chernovetsky's obsession with taxes, levies and devotional rhetoric:

A plane flies by - pay Leo!
A vessel sails by - pay Leo!
You take a breath - pay Leo!
God told me so!

Leonid Chernovetsky Bloc
The Truth Shall Prevail?

The poetry mimics the final verse in Arkady Gaidar's famous children's story Tale of the Military Secret, Malchish-Kibalchish and His Firm Word. It's a story of a Bolshevik boy, Malchish-Kibalchish, who fought the Whites and the Allied intervention in the Russian Civil War, in a role similar to that of the Wolverines in Red Dawn.

Sources:
http://durdom.in.ua